Bedazzled Page #10

Being me didn't seem like

very much at the time.

Well, it wasn't very much, but it's a

good deal better than the alternatives.

I'd give... anything

to be myself again.

But I don't have anything

to give, really, do I?

Look, I'll tell you what, Stanley.

I've got me hundred billion

souls and a few to spare.

I don't really need yours. It's not much of

a catch. I can give it to you back again.

Is it possible?

It's never been done before.

It's a very magnanimous gesture.

In fact, it's a glorious gesture.

Part of my new image. Here we are.

I knew you weren't all bad.

Of course not. I've just been

thoroughly misunderstood.

Now, then take this, burn it

up, and when it's all gone...

you'll be Stanley Moon again...

short order chef,

Caucasian, 28, male.

And what about Margaret?

She'll be at Wimpy's as usual.

Nobody will know that any

of this has ever happened.

You're an angel, George.

Here's hoping.

Do me a favor, Stanley. Look after the party

for me. See everybody has a good time.

When that's done, it's over to you.

I'll do my best.

Bye, George.

Bye, Stanley.

Hello, my good man. Are you Saint Peter?

Yes.

I'd like to see God, please.

Who shall I say is calling?

Oh, come on. You know me.

Beelzebub, Lucifer,

Prince of Darkness.

Have you an appointment?

He's always got time for me.

I'll just see if he's...

Don't say you'll just see if he's in.

Of course he's in.

Blimey, how did you get this job?

Would you wait here, sir?

Hurry up then!

If I were you wanting to get in,

I should try being a bit more humble.

Oh, would you really? Yes.

I dare say you would.

You're quite right, of course.

I'll throw a bit of filth over meself.

That should please him.

He'll see you now.

Oh, thank you very much.

Hello!

God!

It's me.

Where are you?

I wish you'd manifest yourself a bit.

It's so hard just talking to thin air.

On thy belly shalt thou go!

Oh, blimey. You're not still

on about that, are you?

All right.

Dust shalt thou eat!

Oh, naturally, yes.

Dust, of course. What else?

Mmm. Delicious. This is very

good. Num, num, num.

Speak!

It's a bit difficult with all

this dust in me mouth...

but I've come about readmission.

You know, I'm ready to come

back in again and join you.

Hast thou, in thy purpose,

swayed or wavered?

Swayed or wavered?

Just take a look at the world.

It's never been in such a mess.

I've done a wonderful job.

People are killing each other,

lusting after each other's wives...

worshipping false idols.

I've done a marvelous job. It's never been

so sinful, miserable and perverted.

You should be very happy.

Oh, don't go forming

yourself into a whirlwind...

just 'cause I got to a

hundred billion souls first.

Somebody's got to lose. Oh, I'll tell you

something that'll really please you.

I've done a good deed. I gave

that little twit his soul back.

Wasn't that generous?

Made me feel marvelous!

Well, come on. Am I in?

Hello. Where are you?

This way, please.

What's happening?

One moment he was talking to me,

the next moment he was gone.

I'm afraid you failed the

entrance examination.

I can't have failed. I've done

everything he asked of me.

And to show how repentant I was,

I even did a good deed.

Made me feel marvelous, just

like I was in the old days.

There you are. It sounds as if you made

a good gesture for the wrong motives.

What do you mean, "wrong motives"?

For your own joy, to make you

feel better than someone else.

Oh. Well, I can fix that.

I'll get Stanley to give me his soul back,

then return it for the right reasons.

I won't be proud. Tell God not to go away.

I'll be back in a minute.

Stanley! Hold everything!

Stanley! Stanley!

Where are you?

It's me, George, your old friend.

I want your soul back

just for a second.

Then I'll give it to you back in a better

way. I promise you. Where are you?

Stanley!

Are you in there? It's not a trick.

Stanley!

Stanley, wait!

Stanley!

I'm gonna do it.

This time I'm...

I'm going to do it.

I've got to do it.

I-I know I can and I know I will.

Here... Here I go. Now!

Miss Spencer!

What is it, Stanley?

I wonder if you'd like to come

and have dinner with me tonight.

Sorry. I'm already doing something.

Another night perhaps.

Stanley. Stanley.

She could make it tonight. I could fix it.

Tonight and every night.

I've got a new deal for you.

No, thanks, George.

I'd like to try it my way.

What a triumph.

Very funny.

All right, you great git.

You've asked for it.

I'll cover the world in

Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers.

I'll fill it full of concrete

runways, motorways...

aircraft, television

and automobiles...

advertising, plastic

flowers and frozen food...

supersonic bangs.

I'll make it so noisy

and disgusting...

that even you'll be

ashamed of yourself.

No wonder you've so few friends.

You're unbelievable.

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