Bedazzled Page #9

Oh. Well, he must have made a mistake.

He said I could use it.

Oh, you're his new little

favorite, are you?

I'm Stanley Moon. Who are you?

They call me Envy.

Not a very attractive name, is it?

I always wanted to be called Vanity.

Never mind. I'm stuck with it.

How is Mr. Spiggott these days?

Quite well.

He may be leaving soon.

Charming.

I'm always the last to be told.

It's funny how he's always

too busy for me...

but he's never too

busy for Lust, ducky.

He's at her beck and bloody call.

Look, what are you doing

in George's bedroom?

Oh, it's "George," is it?

Good friends, I suppose.

If you want to know why I'm in his

bedroom, go and take a look at mine.

What's wrong with it?

What's right with it?

For a start, it's half the

size of all the others.

Wallpaper's peeling off, and it's

miles from the nearest convenience.

Of course, Lust and Gluttony are

right next door to the bathroom.

Nothing's too good for them.

Well, I suppose Lust and Gluttony...

really have to be rather

near the bathroom.

You're on the seven-wishes

bit, aren't you, dear?

Yeah, but it doesn't seem

to be doing me much good.

Although George said if I really specified

the personality, I'd be all right.

Don't you believe it, cherub.

He may think he's the

cat's whiskers...

but there's one person who

can run rings round him.

Who do you mean?

God?

Old creepy drawers can't

hold a candle to him.

I think you've got me this time, Stanley.

Let me get it quite clear.

I want to be a warm,

loving, tender person...

and Margaret exactly the same.

I want all the fun of meeting her for the

first time and falling in love with her.

I love her, and she loves me.

We're in love forever.

Surroundings?

Serene and far removed...

from the false glitter...

the raucous music and the neon

lights of this modern world.

We're both young, white

and in perfect health.

Stanley, I've gotta hand it to you.

That's real specifying.

You've come up with the one formula

that I, as the devil, really dread...

mutual love and spiritual values.

I want peace and quiet...

and... and no other men in her life.

Julie Andrews.

Shh!

Welcome to the Berelian

Order, Sister Luna.

Until you are initiated, you

will wear the habit of a novice.

We must speak no more.

The order of the Leaping

Berelians is new...

and nondenominational.

Our patron, Beryl of Sussex,

was a simple shepherdess.

One afternoon she saw a vision

in the sky which beckoned her.

Dropping her crook, she

leapt towards the vision...

which, ever receding and ever

beckoning, urged her upwards...

until she disappeared

into the clouds.

This miracle was witnessed

by a two-year-old child...

who ran to the spot and picked up Beryl's

shoes that had fallen to the Earth.

That child founded this order...

whose Sisters have taken

a vow of silence...

until such time as Beryl

of Sussex is canonized...

and recognized by the people of the

world for her tremendous feat.

What is this feeling

that overwhelms me?

It is something new and strange.

It is love, oh, my most cherished.

I see it in your eyes.

This is love profane. Must be sin

in me that so confounds my senses.

There is no sin in love, my darling.

And I love you for all eternity.

Margaret.

You know my name.

What magic is afoot?

Our love is written in the book

of fate. There is no escaping it.

This can't be right...

and yet, within my breast

beats such desire.

Don't be afraid. Just trust in me.

Allow your heart to speak.

You must go through with the initiation

ceremony to show your faith.

But I'm afraid of heights.

Show your courage in your leaping.

I didn't go to vespers.

I had to see if you were all right.

Oh, Margaret, my precious.

At last we're alone. We can speak.

But only this once.

Whatever it is that draws us

together we must cast out.

It is unnatural and wrong.

How can it be wrong if

we love each other?

It is wrong...

and I'm so ashamed to break my vow.

I came here to find

peace and quiet...

and faith.

And have you found it?

Not yet.

However hard I try...

I can't believe that God exists.

But he does exist.

I know that for certain.

How can you be so sure?

Because I've met the devil.

The devil?

Yeah.

Let me tell you what happened to me.

I used to be a man.

My name was Stanley Moon,

and I was a short order cook.

I was very much in love with you,

but I was too shy to tell you.

I've never seen you before today.

I got so miserable that

I tried to kill myself.

And then George came along and

offered me seven wishes for my soul.

Who's George?

Well, he's the devil.

We're very good friends. He's not so bad

when you understand his problems.

That's why I keep going...

'Cause I usually

disappear when I go...

I find that as hard to believe as

all that about Beryl and her leap.

But it's true, and I've

got one wish to go.

I can't think what's

happened to George. Look.

You see? Nothing.

I just hope it's not too late.

I love you, Margaret.

And I love you, Sister Luna.

And my love will last forever.

But it can never be... fulfilled.

I must find George before

he goes to heaven.

Good evening, Sister.

We gave already!

Let me in! Let me in!

Take that, you great git!

Huh. Sorry, Father.

Can I be of any help? Oh!

Wake up, George!

George, wake up.

Thank goodness you're still here.

I was just having a bit of

a nap before the party.

I've done it.

I've got me hundred billion.

Oh, congratulations.

Look, what went wrong?

I blew my raspberry hundreds of

times, and nothing happened.

I still got one more wish to go, you know.

How'd you figure that out?

I was the intellectual, I was Sir

Stanley Moon, the businessman...

I was the fly, the pop singer, the

student, and this one makes six.

What about the Frobisher and Gleason

raspberry-flavored ice lolly?

- That didn't count!

- Of course it did.

It was a wish, wasn't it?

That reminds me.

I owe you sixpence.

Here we are. Now we're even.

Then I'm stuck as a woman?

As a nun.

You should have specified the sex.

You've won, haven't you, George? Well, if

I can't have Margaret, I'll kill myself.

Sorry, Stanley. It's

out of the question.

Whatever you are on your last

wish you remain forever.

Isn't this a terrific party?

Terrific for some, ducky.

Look at the lousy table I've got.

Come on, sweetie. Let's dance.

No, thank you.

You're going now, George?

Yes, Stanley.

I thought I'd just

sneak away quietly.

I don't want to spoil the party.

Well, um, I hope you get back in...

you know, upstairs.

Thank you very much.

Apart from Margaret, you're the only

person I've ever enjoyed talking to.

Now you're going, and,

well, I can't talk to her.

Um, I'll rather miss you.

I'll miss you too, Stanley.

You know, looking around

the party at everybody...

all of them trying to be something

they weren't in the first place...

all I want to be is me, what

I was before I met you.

But that's impossible.

You can't be that without your soul.

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