Bedazzled Page #8

Yes.

I was thinking Stanley should have

a look at that. Fascinating.

Absolutely fascinating.

Here we are. Old Mr. Wine will

soon set you on your feet again.

What for you, Stanley?

Oh, I'll have the same as Margaret.

Same as Margaret. Wine.

I bet you thought I'd

forgotten what day it was.

How awful of me. I forgot.

Don't be silly.

You've got so much on your mind.

Who cares about a silly

old anniversary?

What matters is we love each other.

Do you know, Stanley, we've been married

seven years? It's our wooden wedding.

Incredible.

I got a little something for you.

Oh!

From my heart.

Darling. Oh.

Here's to our marriage.

Here's to all of us.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

I'll go and get that book.

I forgot our wedding anniversary.

Don't be upset.

I feel so dreadful!

Oh, darling...

Here we are.

See what you make of it.

We can discuss it at next

week's tutorial. Fine.

I must get on with the cooking.

Don't you do a thing.

You sit down, relax and enjoy your drink.

I'll do the supper tonight.

I feel a bit of an intruder,

your anniversary and everything.

You're not an intruder.

You're very welcome. Isn't he, Margaret?

Well, I ought to be off anyway.

I want to catch the Giotto exhibition.

What time's the next bus to Oxford?

Are you going to that?

I've got a great idea.

Margaret, why don't you drive Stanley?

You can see it together.

- You've been longing to see that.

It's the last day.

- I can't.

- There's the supper, the kids to put to bed.

- I'll do all that.

It'll be your present to me. Really.

You are sweet, darling.

- Go on. Enjoy yourself

and come back for supper.

- Are you sure?

Absolutely positive.

Hello, darlings!

Up into Daddy's arms.

Bye-bye.

Say bye-bye to Mommy. Bye-bye.

Look after Daddy, darlings.

Look after Margaret, Stanley.

I will. Have a good time.

Blow a kiss to Mommy.

Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

Do you think he knows?

It would never occur to him.

Oh.

He's such a marvelous man.

The way he brings

philosophy to life.

Oh, he couldn't be a

better husband or father.

Or teacher. He's a saint.

He's the only man I know...

who actually lives

up to his ideals.

He's such an example to us all.

The children worship him.

He's more of a god

than a human being.

If only he weren't so good.

If only he had one tiny flaw.

We must stop thinking about him...

and think more of ourselves!

But it would kill him if he knew.

I feel as if I'm being torn apart.

My darling.

My precious darling.

We c... We can't...

We can't keep on denying ourselves.

All these years we've

been married...

he's never said a cross word.

When I was ill...

he came to my room...

and he gave me some soup...

he made!

Oh, Stanley!

How can we do this to him?

I love you.

And I love you.

It... It can't hurt him

if he doesn't know.

I... I want... I want...

I want to give you my love...

in the best, most...

most beautiful way.

Oh. Oh.

Ow!

What? What is it?

It's his pipe. His favorite pipe.

But, Margaret,

don't be upset, please.

And we were going to...

On his favorite pipe!

The whole thing's impossible!

No, Margaret!

Go. Just go!

We must never see each

other again, for his sake.

Margaret, please.

Please, Margaret! Oh!

Margaret, please!

Margaret, I beg of you!

Wh...

Ohh.

Hello, Stanley.

Hold this.

Whatever you say, George.

You sound down in the dumps.

Why not?

You painted a beautiful dream

and shoved me into a nightmare.

You should never believe the ads.

Shine the light up a bit.

What are you doing now?

Just putting a tiny little

ventilation hole in this oil tanker.

Up we go.

That Nicholas was so sickening...

with all his blasted

sweetness and... ugh!

I know what you mean, Stanley.

Most of the saints throughout history

have been a pain in the neck.

Give me a hand with these bottles, would you?

I'm due down in Fleet Street.

You can't stop, can you, eh?

As a matter of fact, I will very soon.

My job's almost done.

What do you mean?

I was up in heaven a few thousand years

ago, having a summit conference with God.

I was putting forward

a few new proposals.

You go up there every now and again?

Yes.

We were having a giggle

about Job actually.

That poor bloke you gave all the boils to and

burnt his home and destroyed his family?

That's right. God thought it would be a

good idea if I tested Job's faith...

with a few diseases and disasters.

You didn't win, though, did you, eh?

In spite of all you did to him, he

still believed that God was good.

Well, Job was what you'd

technically describe as a loony.

But as I pointed out

to God at the time...

for every job or soul that

he lands, I get two.

I was two billion ahead already.

You make it sound

like a blooming game.

That's precisely what it is...

and the first one to reach a hundred

billion souls is the winner.

He doesn't stand a chance actually.

I've only got six to go.

What happens when you get them?

Oh, when I've won... when I've won...

the world will be in such a

rotten, stinking mess...

that it can get on without me.

I'll go back to heaven, sit on God's right

hand and be his favorite angel again.

It must be very nice for you to go back

to heaven, but... what will happen to me?

Don't worry, Stanley.

Your future's assured.

Um, George...

I don't want to go on with

the rest of my wishes.

I can't find happiness like this.

You're always too clever for me.

So, um, I'll be running along...

and, uh, I'll see you sometime, eh?

Stanley, I can't let

you go in this mood.

Let's cancel my appointment.

I'm ahead of schedule, in any case.

No, I can't interrupt your work.

What are friends for?

I'll round up Avarice and Gluttony, two

lovely girls. The afternoon's on me.

Whee!

Oh, eat up, Stanley!

Come on, Stanley. Stick one in

Jane Russell and win a goldfish.

No.

You have a go, Gluttony.

Chuck 'em. Don't eat 'em.

This is how Garibaldi lost his life.

Enjoying yourself, Stanley?

You know I can't stand heights, George.

Up, up, up, up!

Having fun, Stanley?

Bang!

Another 10 shillings gone.

Don't worry about that, Avarice.

Whee!

Enjoying yourself, Stanley?

That's three pounds-seven and nine

pence without Gluttony's sweets.

George, take me out

of here, will you?

Enough, George, is enough.

We didn't need to take a taxi.

Nothing's too much for

my friend Stanley.

Thank you very much for this

afternoon, George, but, um...

I don't think it's

really helped, you know.

I still don't want to go on with it.

But you were so nearly there.

She loved you, you loved her.

You just left me one little loophole.

I had to take advantage of it.

Doctor's orders.

Next time you must specify,

really spell things out in detail.

I can't think straight anymore.

Take your time.

Have another lie-down in my room.

Yeah, and then you put Lust

in the bed just to confuse me.

I promise you, Lust

won't be there.

Hello.

Oh, excuse me. I thought this

was Mr. Spiggott's bedroom.

How right you were. It is.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes