Bedazzled Page #3

You see, civilization...

has had the effect of...

inhibiting our deepest...

natural animal instincts, you see.

Mmm.

The conventions of an

ordered society...

have made us lose what Freud calls

our urmenschgefuhnaturlichkeit.

Well, it's a bit of a

mouthful, isn't it?

Must have been a marvelous man.

Oh, yes. One of the seminal forces.

Um, as Rousseau said...

we must learn to unlearn...

because only by unlearning

can we really learn to be.

Your ideas are so exciting!

Oh!

What a...

fabulous room!

It's marvelous!

Do you like it?

Oh, I love it.

It's so right.

I mean, it's you!

The moment I walked in,

everything about it says Stanley.

Well...

This room is you.

It's a bit untidy, bit of a mess...

but we bachelors have to fend

for ourselves, you know.

Brahms! I can't believe it!

You too?

Mmm.

Ohh.

Absolutely adore him.

Mmm.

He has a...

virile romanticism that

I find irresistible.

Oh, Brahms is just so fantastic!

Whenever I feel tense or anything...

I put him on, just sprawl on the

carpet and let him flow all over me.

- Would you like a little

taste of him now then?

- Please!

Not that I'm tense or anything.

It's just that it would

make me even less tense.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm!

Go on.

Lie down.

Oh, uh, I didn't mean...

Whew!

Let it happen.

Oh.

Mmm.

I love the way he brings

the flute in there.

That is a French horn, actually.

Oh. How silly of me.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Goodness gracious.

The French horn can sound

incredibly like a flute, you know.

In fact, not many people notice...

the flute-like qualities

of a French horn.

It's so sensual and evocative.

Mm-hmm.

One can almost see the trees...

and the sunlight dappling through.

And a little brook.

Mmm.

And what's that?

A powerful, young stag...

darts into the clearing...

raises his antlers...

and edges closer to his doe.

Oh, that record was

new this morning.

Where did you get

that fantastic thing?

It is nice, isn't it?

Oh, it's beautiful.

Mmm. I got it off a stall, actually.

Just saw it there

and had to have it.

I'm rather like that, you know.

I see something I want...

and that's it, boy-o.

Have to have it.

Me too.

Yes, you too.

Mmm.

Have a look at it.

Oh, thank you.

Oh!

Bit of a weight, isn't it?

Oh, it's so smooth...

and cool.

Yes, that's the extraordinary

thing about marble.

It's always 11 degrees cooler...

than the air that surrounds it.

Fahrenheit, of course.

Do you like feeling things?

Oh, yes,

I'm a very... tactile person.

I love touching things.

Sometimes...

I go into the forest...

and shut my eyes...

and just wander around touching

trees and grass and boulders.

Y-You should try it.

Do it in here!

Go on. Shut your eyes.

Now feel something hard.

Oh.

Ohh!

Oh, I'm feeling something

terribly hard. It's fantastic.

Oh, now feel something soft.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness gracious me.

Oh, it's unbelievable.

Oh, the contrast.

I've never felt anything

so exciting in my life.

Yeah. I love it. Feel my tie.

Oh!

Mmm.

Oh. It's delicious!

Yeah?

Velvet.

It's so wild.

It really does something to me.

Oh. Uh...

Hmm.

I suppose after all that touching you

could do with something to drink.

Please!

What would you like?

Cinzano.

Cinzano? Fantastic.

One sip of Cinzano,

and I'm in Italy.

Mmm.

The freedom of it.

The sun beating down.

Mmm.

The incredible thing about the Italians

is the way they touch each other.

Have you noticed that?

Yes. Cheers.

The Anglo-Saxons have lost the

art of touching each other.

I mean, if someone wants

to touch somebody else...

then they should go right

ahead and touch them.

I mean, it's a healthy,

human thing to do.

Y-You're so right.

There's a tribe in... in Africa

who never say a word.

They just touch each other.

That's how they communicate.

Life is far too complicated.

I think we should get

down to basic elements.

Mmm.

I mean...

For example, if you

were a girl, and I...

I am a girl.

Well, of course!

All right, but if...

if you were a girl...

which, of course, you are...

and if I were a man, which, for

argument's sake, let's say I am...

and I wanted to touch you, well...

I wouldn't feel restrained.

I mean, I'd just go right ahead...

and...

touch you.

You see? That's how I am.

I feel the same way.

I mean, if two adult human beings

want to touch each other...

they should go ahead

and touch each other.

Why hold back?

Yes.

This afternoon has been...

so perfect.

The Cinzano. The zoo.

The music. The touching.

And you're so right

about the animals.

I mean, that's what we are...

deep down, underneath our

sophisticated civilization...

and we should behave like they do.

Of course.

I mean, the fact that it's...

seven minutes past 3:00 in the afternoon

wouldn't make any difference to a goat.

I mean, Old Billy wouldn't stop to think

what time of day it was, would he?

No, it just goes right ahead

and does what it feels like.

I mean, really, what are

people waiting for?

I want to live!

That's what matters... living.

I want to do everything,

be everything...

feel everything...

Rape! Rape!

No, no! Margaret! Margaret!

The animals! The goats!

The touching!

Rape! Rape! Rape!

What's going on in there? Open the door!

Aah! Ohh! Ooh!

Owwww!

Rape! Aah!

Hello, Stanley.

I won't be a minute.

- Get me down from here.

- You're quite safe.

It's only a 300-foot drop.

What am I doing in this costume?

I thought you ought to

dress for the occasion.

Come on, my darling.

Out you come.

There we are.

What did you say?

I just said...

- What's that mean?

- It's pigeon talk.

I'm just issuing instructions.

I'm going for a double tempt, actually.

Like to come and watch?

- No.

- Come over here.

No need to be frightened.

You won't fall. I'll hold on

to your belt, if you like.

Up you come.

There we are.

Now, you see that man over there?

Yes.

And do you see this pigeon?

Yes.

Well, this is a classic

double tempt situation.

With a bit of luck, I can get

two sins for the price of one...

spite from the perpetrating

pigeon and anger from the victim!

It's terrific!

Are you trying to tell me

you want that pigeon...

to do his doo-dahs

on that man's head?

That's right.

All right, birdie,

remember what I said.

Target in range.

All systems... go!

Release your doo-dahs

What a pathetic thing to do.

If you're the devil, why didn't you

go for that vicar down there?

Oh, no. He's one of ours.

Is this your idea of having fun?

Tempting pigeons?

Banal as it may seem,

Stanley, it is my job.

I don't know.

If it hadn't been for you...

we'd still be blissfully wandering

about naked in paradise.

You're welcome, mate.

The Garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just

south of Croydon. You can see it over there.

Adam and Eve were happy enough.

I'll tell you why...

they were pig ignorant.

Come on, my darling. Out you go,

and do something really nasty.

Oh, how'd you get on

with Margaret Spencer?

I was wondering when

you'd ask me that.

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