Bedknobs and Broomsticks Page #6

- Don't they have no rules?

- Course they do.

The king makes them up

as he goes along.

Poor Mr Browne.

Do you think he's all right?

Well, he's moving.

Steady, matey. Move it around.

He almost had it then.

Looks like he's done for this time.

Don't just stand there! Head it in!

Stop... that... ball!

Goal!

Game's over. l win.

Let me give you a hand, matey.

That's quite all right, Your Majesty.

Thank you so much.

Please, let me help you

on with your robe.

Why, yes. Thank you.

Can't have you

catching cold, sire, can we?

Why, no.

Have you ever heard of something

called the gypsy switch?

No, can't say that l have.

Remind me to

tell you about it some time.

l can't tell you when

we've had such a good time.

We'll carry your memory

in our hearts for a long while.

l think it's time to leave.

Must you go?

Must be dashing. Marvellous game.

Lovely to see you. Goodbye.

Friendly lot.

Don't mind them visiting.

Wouldn't want them living here.

- Come along, children.

- Hurry up.

Stop gibbering!

What's the matter with you?

Your Royal Star!

They've stolen your Royal Star!

Don't be ridiculous.

What do you think this is?

Why didn't you say so?

Paul, put the knob on the bed.

At last the magic words.

Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.

l'll keep it.

Women always lose things.

- Hurry, Paul! The knob!

- lt's stuck!

- l suppose l'd better do something.

- Please do. Quick.

Got it.

Filigree, apogee, pedigree...

Oh, bother. l do hate shoddy work.

l shall never get used to this thing.

Will you push the bed

back into place, please?

l think we could all

do with a nice cup of tea.

No time. l've gone to a lot

of trouble to find this spell.

l'm going to try it immediately.

Mr Browne, kindly let me

have your shoes, please.

- Fine.

- What's the shoes for?

lf you'd been paying attention

l should think you'd be aware

that substitutiary locomotion is the art

of causing inanimate objects

to take on a life force of their own.

l must have inanimate objects

to experiment with.

Makes sense, don't it?

Stand back, everyone.

l need plenty of room.

l want you all

to be absolutely quiet.

Mr Browne, you have

the Star of Astoroth, l believe.

Oh, yes. lt's in my nice clean hanky.

lt's all right, Mr Browne.

l should have realised

that it would be impossible

to take an object

from one world into another.

lf only l would have had the sense

to remember the words on that star.

- l know the words.

- Don't bother her. She's thinking.

Why don't you and l nip out

and get something for supper?

And l might conceivably

call into the pub for a pint

to steady my nerves.

l do know the words, Miss Price.

How can you know the words

when Miss Price doesn't?

Troop movements and massing

of barges in French and Dutch ports.

The prime minister

has told the nation

to be on the alert for signs

of a possible invasion.

That was the news.

l might have been able

to do something about this.

lt's out of your hands now, my dear.

lf only l could have remembered

those words. lt's maddening.

Why don't someone ask me?

Come off it, Paul. You can't remember

those kind of words.

You mean like ''Treguna mekoides

trecorum satis dee''?

- How do you know that?

- Easy.

Says so right here in my book.

You mean it was there

in your book all the time?

Yeah. But nobody ever listens to me.

Treguna mekoides

trecorum satis dee.

Nothing happened!

Am l doing something wrong?

Well, it does seem

a bit old-fashioned.

After all, we are

in the 20th century.

- What do you suggest?

- lt needs rhythm. Tempo.

Music.

As l always say, do it with a flair.

- Do you mind if l have a go?

- Of course not.

Come along, you lot!

We need all the help we can get.

Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee.

Substitutiary locomotion

Mystic power that's far

beyond the wildest notion

It's so weird, so feared,

yet wonderful to see

Substitutiary locomotion come to me

Now!

Treguna mekoides

trecorum satis dee.

I don't want locomotiary substitution

Or remote intransecory convolution

Only one precise solution is the key

Substitutiary locomotion it must be

Substitutiary locomotion

Lovely substitutiary locomotion

You've made substitutiary history

With treguna mekoides

and a little help from me

- With treguna mekoides and...

- Trecorum satis dee

Mr Browne, what is going on here?

l haven't the foggiest.

How do you do?

Shall we?

- That's my nightgown!

- ls it really, my dear?

l'm not responsible

for its behaviour.

Obviously not, my dear.

Paul, what on earth are you doing?

Having a jolly good time,

that's what.

- How can we stop all this?

- Must we? lt's most agreeable.

But we must do something.

Didn't l give you

my all-purpose cut-off spell?

- Lesson number eight.

- Eight.

- Yes, number eight l think it was.

- Oi! My Sunday trousers!

Buzz off, old chap.

Find your own dancing partner.

Be careful, Carrie! Slow down!

Mr Browne, will you please

control your shoes?

Dear lady, l very much fear

that we have nothing under control.

Do you mind?

Now, who would like some more

of my lovely sausages and mash?

- No more for me, thank you.

- Carrie?

l've already had two helpings.

- l'm full.

- Me, too.

At least somebody wants some.

Cheer up, my dear. This should

be something of a celebration.

l'm sorry, but there doesn't

seem to be much to celebrate.

- l still haven't mastered that spell.

- Of course you have.

You just need a little more practice.

- Do you really think so?

- No doubt about it.

Meantime, there's nothing

to liven the spirits

like a little master juggling.

Right, Charlie?

Go on then, guv!

Give us some juggling!

Very few better than me at this.

All you need is 20 years' practice

and a touch of genius.

Never happened to me before.

l don't usually juggle

with cats under my feet.

Look! She's laughing!

- Mrs Hobday. Do come in.

- l can't stop, my dear.

l've just come by

to bring you the good news.

Mr Bistlethwaite,

who brings the milk, you know?

He's promised

to take the children in!

He and his wife have got that farm.

Just the place for growing children.

Put a bit of colour

back in their cheeks.

Why, what's the matter?

l thought you'd be pleased.

You told me yourself that you had

no time to take care of children.

Circumstances have changed somewhat.

We got a dad now. Mr Browne.

- Paul!

- Miss Price, is this true?

Of course. You do want him to stay

with us, don't you, Miss Price?

l suppose

l hadn't really thought about it.

What about him?

What do you say about it, Mr Browne?

lt's all rather sudden!

l don't quite know what to say.

Then l'll leave you two

to talk it over.

l'll come back in the morning!

Good night!

lt is true, Mr Browne. You are going

to be our father now, aren't you?

We are rather rushing things,

aren't we?

Perhaps Mr Browne has other things

besides you children to think about.

Yes. As a matter of fact

l should have left ages ago.

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