Beer for My Horses Page #6

Now get in the truck.

Rack.

Well, but...

Sorry, Harveyetta.

Hey, where's Tito?

He was in the back seat.

He... He couldn't have...

Damn it, Lonnie.

I told you to watch him.

You goin' fishin', Tito?

Hurts like hell, don't it?

You got him?

Get him in there.

Tito.

What?

- Come here.

You try that crap again,

I'm gonna duct tape

your ass to the bumper.

Oh, my Lord.

This better be good.

Sheriff, he's gone.

Yeah, I don't know where

they went.

# Love Talk with Lea #

You are listening to

Love Talk with Lea.

We are mending hearts

from coast to coast tonight.

Our first caller

is from Levelland, Texas.

His name is Danny.

Hi, Danny.

Who you loving tonight?

Well, I'm loving

my beautiful wife, Debbie, Lea.

Well, tell us all

about Debbie, Danny.

Well, we've been

married for 17 years, Lea,

and there were times

when I doubted our love

and I took her for granted,

till three years ago when I had

the accident on the farm.

I woke up in the hospital

and both my arms were gone.

The first thing I thought

that went through my head

was I'd never be able

to hug my wife again.

And the second thought was

how was I gonna play catch

with my little boy.

And the third thought that was

probably the most devastating

was how would I defend myself

if someone was tickling me.

Can I come in?

I'm freezing my tits off

out here.

The hell is she doin' here?

Hey, Harveyetta.

Just had enough of that

damn hooker, didn't you?

See what you did?

This is all on you.

Hey, Harveyetta.

- Howdy.

Now you march yourself

right around there

and you drive a little while.

Well, come on. Let's roll.

And you, young lady, you're

getting off the next truck stop.

You understand me?

I've brought you some food,

my dear.

I wouldn't want

your boyfriend to think

I wasn't taking care of you.

I don't like

being insulted.

Your boyfriend insulted me.

He took someone

that was very important to me.

He took my brother.

Let me show you something.

Francisco.

This is Pedro.

Pedro,

you took something from me,

didn't you?

Manuel, please.

Tell her what you took.

No, I swear, I took nothing.

That's not true, Pedro.

I gave you a package to deliver.

You were supposed to get money

for the package

and bring it back to me.

But you kept the money

for yourself.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Manuel.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay, perdido.

I don't like it when people

takes things from me.

Idiota.

He's bleeding all over the rug!

Annie, good help

is so hard to find these days.

What is that God-awful smell?

Oh, that's Junior.

Something big's about to happen.

Who's Junior?

He's my police dog back there.

Hey, baby.

Follow us.

# Show them to me #

# Show them to me #

I love you.

# Unclasp your bra

Set those puppies free #

# They'd look

A whole lot better #

# Without that sweater #

# Baby, I'm sure you'll agree #

# If you got two fun bags #

# Show them to me #

Well, it can't be that hard

to find them.

Now, I gotta have Tito Gaza

in Oklahoma City on Saturday

or it is someone's ass.

Now you find them, damn it.

Jeez.

Well, this is

just great, Rack.

What took me

two years to rebuild,

took us one day

to screw up.

Took you one hour

to screw it up.

I knew we shouldn't have taken

my truck. I knew it.

Well, you brought us out here

now, and got us in trouble.

A busted radiator

in the middle of nowhere.

Uh, fellas.

Heh. Will somebody

get the Mexican?

I said get him.

Don't kill him.

Look like

somebody's comin' up.

Let's see if we

can get him to help.

Y'all need any help?

Yeah, man.

Where's the closest gas station?

About 75 miles, I think.

Damn.

I'll push you all down there

about 30 minutes.

I got a campsite.

Got a good mechanic down there.

I appreciate that, old-timer.

We're in a hell of a hurry.

Damn.

So, uh, this girlfriend

of yours,

she means a lot you, huh?

Who told you

I got a girlfriend?

Lonnie, you got a big mouth.

Aw.

- Sorry.

It's like a romantic fairy tale.

Rack, the white knight,

sweeping in to save

the princess.

What do you know about

white knights and fairy tales

in your line of work?

Well, I-I reckon I made plenty

of fantasies come true.

Yeah. Had your hand in a lot

of happy endings, huh?

I wrote me a poem down.

Now, if I ever met

my fantasy guy...? Okay?

...I'd want him to say

something like this:

All right.

When the sun don't rise

and the wind don't blow

And the seas have

left the shore

I promise, my dearest

With my dying breath

To love you forevermore

A man ever says something like

that to me, he'd own my soul.

Harveyetta,

that is the stupidest sh*t

I've ever heard in my life.

Hey, a gal can dream, can't she?

I come a long way

from Sweetwater

to find my white knight.

Yeah, one truck stop at a time.

You love this girl of yours?

I've always loved her.

You gonna marry her?

Yeah, maybe someday.

A boy can dream, can't he?

Here we are, folks.

Yeah, it's right over there,

what I saw.

Hey.

I'm Charlie.

What kind of horseshit

you got going on here, Charlie?

This is like our down season,

you know,

we're traveling show folks.

Why don't you fix that radiator

and show us how to travel

the hell out of here.

This the rig you called

me about, Charlie?

Hey, this is Jeff.

He can fix any kind

of vehicle you got.

Mm.

Handsome and handy, huh?

That's what my wife says.

Oh, look, a monkey.

What do you think?

What's the chance

of getting it running?

In a hell of a hurry.

Hi.

- Well...

You boys cops or something?

Yeah, Jeff. Come here, man.

I need a little chat with you.

I gotta get that guy back there

to Santa Luna, Mexico,

like, pronto, or there's gonna

be some really bad

stuff go down.

So you think you can

get me running?

Yeah, man. I'll get you running

in about four, five hours.

That's great.

The thing is,

we just need to find a radiator.

But I guarantee there's

one here. Follow me.

You gotta be shitting me.

She got a shot by a

security guard at the bank

and she bled to death

in my arms.

That is so...

hot.

Yeah. Yeah, you're my kind

of girl. All right.

We wanna welcome

our new friends here.

Is everybody sharing

a cup of circus jolly?

Jolly.

We make kids laugh,

we make kids cry.

That's what we'll do

till the day we die.

If you love us,

you can fill your glasses,

and if you don't,

you can kiss our asses.

- Kiss our asses.

Jolly.

Rack, this stuff's pretty good.

That's elephant piss.

Just kidding.

Horse piss. Kidding.

Gene's Gypsy wine.

You know our toasts around here

are kind of a family thing

even though we're not kin.

That's old Sniper Sam

over there from Vietnam.

Been a carny for 35 years.

He's a sharpshooter.

He was the best man

at both my weddings.

And you remember

Two Ton Tina over there.

Oh, she's friendly.

She's a hugger.

Oh, Rack.

Ladies and gentlemen.

direct your attention

to the center stage,

where I,

Merriweather the Magnificent...

...will attempt an amazing feat

that I have been practicing

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