Beerfest Page #7

Let them drink!

Grandpapa, we've crushed them once.

Let us do it again, huh?

Let us humiliate them.

Please, Opy, we can do this.

- We can do it.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Why not? For shits and giggle.

Let them drink!

Beer drinkers...

...welcome to Beerfest.

- Yeah!

- Come on!

You are the privileged few.

We got the Brits in Round One.

We already kicked their asses in WWll.

Cheerio, let's do it again.

Drink well. Drink with honor.

Let the games begin.

Beerfest! Beerfest! Beerfest!

First round is best of five.

U.S.A. versus England.

You're all fur coat

and no trousers, you are.

- I'm sorry. One more time?

- Shove off!

We're gonna put the skitters

in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!

- Do you know what he's saying?

- Volume Chug!

Come on, big boy.

What, are you gonna f***ing cry?

That's all you, Landfill. All you.

Come on!

Come on, motherf***er! It's time!

Come on, baby. It's all you, buddy.

Drink it down.

How about this? How about that?

How about:

Now, how do I say this? The Mexican.

Championship round,

Germany versus U.S.A.

All right. This is what we came for,

the Germans!

Yeah, the Germans!

Oh, that's good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

What's up, Finky?

I got it. Beating the boot.

It's so simple.

It's all about fluid dynamics

and quantum bubblenautics. Follow?

I missed that first part

when he said something.

Pay attention. I'm only doing this once,

okay? Excuse me!

Do me a favor, top me off.

Thank you. Okay.

Now, look. The bubble is essentially

a high-pressure vacuum...

...that grows and grows

until it gets to the heel...

...then it pops and explodes

out of the boot. Okay?

So, what you wanna do

is create a spiral effect...

...by spinning the boot

and making a whirlpool.

When the bubble hits the corner,

gravity will take over...

...and shoot beer down your throats.

So, what you're saying is,

when the bubble comes...

...just turn the boot.

If we find ourselves in a

boot challenge, we can beat these guys.

Way to go, Finky.

All right.

Let's light this Kraut candle.

Yeah!

I'm still peeing! I'm still going!

We're gonna wipe our schwanz on you.

Bring it on, meine b*tch.

Championship round is best of seven.

Und jetzt...

...for the ultimate battle!

First up, long-distance krgerbounce.

Distance, 10 meters.

What do you say, Barr?

Watch and learn.

Shaking your butt.

Move the bucket 20 meters.

Twenty meters!

Twenty meters.

You're never gonna make it.

Oh, yeah?

Thirty meters.

Thirty meters.

Okay. Let's see it.

Yeah!

Germany, the winner!

It's okay. It's okay.

Yes!

U.S.A. sucks!

Germany, three.

U.S.A., zero.

If Germany wins, they are the champions!

Hold. Hold on. Wait a minute.

Hold the phones.

Herr Referee...

...there is an American player

who has not competed in any event.

And the rule says every competitor

must compete, otherwise...

...disqualification.

Hold on there, Hansel.

That is the rule.

Your fifth teammate must compete now.

Are you talking about me?

Jan, if we let him play, we're gonna

get slaughtered and it's over, kaput.

You heard the guy.

I'll play with him.

Barry, are you sure?

Sure as schnitzel.

Hey, Barr-zo, I'm proud of you.

Hey, thanks.

Hey, Comrades, how about loser

takes a paddle up the ass?

I like that.

Volley for serve.

You know you have to hit the ball.

What do you think about that, fuckhead?

Yeah, Barry, you got him. He's yours.

What do you think about that, headfuck?

Match point!

Come on, we gotta win this one.

You got nothing. Bring it.

Jiminy.

Come on, Barry.

Wow, what a shot!

Hey, Todd,

sorry about porking your wife, man.

Hey, Barry,

you can pork my wife anytime.

What's the name of the game?

Thumper!

And why do we play it?

To get f***ed up!

No! No!

No, I didn't! No, I did this!

No, I didn't! No, I didn't!

Bullshit! I did the...

Look at the scoreboard! Scoreboard!

I'm burying you.

You're not even close, girlie.

Halt!

You're worried now.

You're worried now, aren't you?

Take that. Moment of truth.

Germany, 224.

That's good, that's good.

U.S.A...

...228.

All tied up. Sudden death.

You know what that means.

Das Boot!

Das Boot! Das Boot!

Das Boot! Das Boot! Das Boot!

Hey, guys, this is that moment.

The moment that only exists in sports.

The moment where the good guys

take on the bad guys.

The moment that,

if this was a speech in a movie...

...this would be shown

up on the humongotron...

...to get the home-team fans

fired up, huh? Right?

Us versus them!

We're the bad guys

and they're the good guys.

And I'll be damned

if we're gonna let the good guys win!

Yeah, we're actually the good guys

and they're the bad guys, so...

Right. Let me start that again,

guys, huh?

Hey, guys, this is that moment...

Fellas. Fellas.

I just wanna say

thanks for the greatest year of my life.

All right? And no matter what happens,

win or lose...

...drinking beer with you guys

is just plain old-fashioned fun.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, let's do this

for Grandpa Wolfhouse.

And for Landfill.

And Gam Gam?

And America. On three. One, two, three:

Grandpa Wolfhouse, Landfill

and Gam Gam and America!

Go, go, go!

Line Chug. Germany versus U.S.A.

Winner is champion...

...of Beerfest!

Das Boot! Das Boot! Das Boot!

Yeah, you can suck your own dick.

We're gonna take you all the way...

- Cherry?

- Our finest secret agent.

We sent her to keep an eye on you.

Oh, hit that, Grandpapa.

Take what's yours, Grandpapa.

Damn, that's nasty.

Always bet on black. Yeah.

Yeah, always bet on black.

That's a great quote.

Game on. Not a drop can be spilled.

Shake it off.

Hey, fatass, when I dropped

your brother in that vat...

...he squealed like a stuffed pig.

Germany!

Did you hear what she said?

Get out of here. Get out!

No, no. Hey, ump. Do something, ump.

Losers.

See you later, stableboy.

Say hello to the family whore.

U.S.A. sucks! U.S.A. sucks!

U.S.A. sucks!

Double or nothing.

On what, huh?

The von Wolfhausen family recipe.

You win, you get to keep it.

We win, we get your brewery.

Or should I say our brewery?

But we already have the recipe.

I got it off of the nerd's computer.

- You're f***ed.

- Yeah, he's f***ed.

- That's rich, Baron.

- What's so funny?

I didn't put that recipe on my computer.

However, you are holding the recipe

for a low-carb strawberry beer.

We call it She-Wolf. It's okay.

Strawberry?

No. No. You know how

you like strawberries?

You want me to lose weight,

so that was the low-carb...

Wait a minute, we like strawberry...

Get your damn hands off...

You're trying to see my panties.

Goddamn it, put me down, please!

Where are the Africans?

Can the Africans come help me? Jesus!

So are we gonna play for the recipe...

...or should I just roll it up

and eat it? I'm hungry.

Wait, wait. Wait. Wait!

Put your money where your mouth is.

Us against you. Ten boots.

Five against five.

You couldn't even do one boot.

You can barely stand!

Grandpapa?

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