Beetle Juice

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That's a big fella! Whoa!

- Looks great.

- Thank you.

Happy vacation, honey.

Manchurian tung oil!

Where did you get this?

Helen got it for me in Oslo.

There's enough here

to do the whole table and the bureau.

I wonder what this could be.

Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.

Enough to do the entire guest room.

I'm so glad we're spending

our vacation at home.

- I'm gonna get started now.

- Where are you going?

- I'll get it.

- Be my guest.

- Maybe you should get it.

- I'll go.

Oh, no!

Jane.

It's your turn, honey.

- Good luck, honey.

- Thanks.

Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you.

Heard you were on vacation.

That's right. Complete vacation.

Today I'm $260,000!

- It's 6:
45 in the morning.

- This offer is real.

From a man in New York City

who only saw a photograph.

Jane, don't send people photos

of our house.

He wants to bring the wife and family

here for some peace and quiet.

That's what we're looking for.

This house is too big for you.

It ought to be for a couple with kids.

I didn't mean anything.

But this house is too big.

- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?

- Think about it.

I was telling Barbara about this offer

on the house...

No, Jane.

Come with me to the store.

- What for?

- I need a new brush for the tung oil.

- And I want to get a part for the model.

- Just run in, okay?

Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation.

Jane says we should sell the house

to someone with a family.

I don't think it's any of Jane's business.

Besides, we could try again

on this vacation.

Really? What are you saying?

- How are you doing, Ernie?

- Hi, how are you?

Good morning, Adam.

- Need a haircut before your vacation?

- No, thanks, Bill.

- How's the model coming?

- Great.

You know, Bozman built that foundation

in 1835. His grandson...

He's got hair down

to his goddamn shoulders.

He says to me, "Just trim it a little."

- I took the scissors to him so fast...

- See you later.

- This will be great.

- Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica?

- No way. There's no place like home.

- Look out for that...

Perfect start to our vacation.

You'll feel better when you're dry.

That fire wasn't burning when we left.

- How's your arm?

- I don't know. It feels frozen.

I'll make some coffee

and you get wood for the fire.

Maybe we should take things extra slow.

Do you remember how

we got back up here?

I'm going back to that bridge

and retrace our steps.

- You saved my...

- Two hours!

- You won't believe... What?

- That's how long you were gone.

- What is going on?

- I have to show you something.

Look.

There's that.

And there's that.

- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."

- Deceased.

Deceased.

I don't know where it came from.

Look at the publisher.

"Handbook for

the Recently Deceased Press."

You know what?

I don't think we survived the crash.

I hate this.

Can you give me the basics?

This book isn't arranged that way.

What do you want to know?

Why did you disappear

when you stepped off the porch?

Are we halfway to heaven

or halfway to hell?

How long will this last?

I don't see anything about heaven or hell.

This book reads like stereo instructions.

Listen.

"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.

"Functional perimeters vary from

manifestation to manifestation."

This is going to take some time.

Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?

I better find a job.

Let's see. Business section.

What do we got here? The Maitlands.

Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.

I wish I had a better view

of the cemetery from here.

I can't tell which is

the best placement for us.

Cabin fever?

I can't clean anything properly.

The vacuum's in the garage

and we can't leave the house.

Why don't they tell us something?

Where are the other dead people?

Why is it just you and me?

Maybe this is heaven.

In heaven there wouldn't be dust

on everything.

It's Jane.

- What's she doing here?

- I don't know.

Jane, up here. Jane!

She can't see you, right?

In the book, rule number two:

"The living usually won't see the dead."

- Won't or can't?

- It just says "won't."

God, this book is so stupid!

I can't understand anything in it.

Barb, honey...

...we're dead.

I don't think we have much

to worry about anymore.

This is great!

Just what the doctor ordered.

Sorry, ma'am.

Delia Deetz, welcome home.

Charles!

It's okay, there's no damage. See?

Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.

Look at that kitchen. You'll finally

be able to cook a decent meal.

Come and have a look.

A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.

Excuse me. Here we go.

We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.

Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect.

- What do you think, honey?

- Delia hates it.

I could live here.

Careful! That's my sculpture.

I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."

I mean I made it.

Put it on the table.

Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease.

It's perfect.

Help!

It's Otho.

Otho, why don't you come

in the front door?

It's bad luck.

You left the city for me. I am so happy.

Of course you are.

Let's get one thing straight.

We're here to enjoy the country setting,

not to trash the place!

Charles, you're lucky

the yuppies are buying condos...

...so you can afford what I'm going

to have to do to this place.

I'm here to relax and clip coupons,

and, damn it, I mean to do it.

Then go do it quietly, dear,

and let Otho and me think.

Is the rest of the house as bad as this?

Is this a punishment?

What are we going to do?

We're not completely helpless.

I've been reading that book and there's

a word for people in our situation.

Ghosts!

Let's get this show on the road.

We're dealing with

negative entertainment potential.

There's absolutely no organic flow through.

I noticed that, too.

It's like a giant ant farm.

- What?

- I thought I saw something.

You've read my mind.

- I did?

- So few clients are able to read my mind.

They're not open to the experience.

My God!

We just have to pray the other closets

are bigger than this one.

Look!

Ozzie and Harriet.

- What happened to these people?

- They died.

Look, an indoor outhouse.

- Viridian.

- Viridian. Why do I know that name?

Blue-green!

Hydrated chromic oxide.

Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.

I was a hair analyst.

- What?

- Briefly.

Deliver me from L.L. Bean.

I know what you two are up to and

you're not going to get away with it!

This is not working out.

I will not stop living and breathing art

just because you need to relax.

I'm here with you. I'll live with you

in this hellhole.

But I must express myself. If I can't

gut this house and make it my own...

...I will go insane

and I will take you with me!

Yeah. Well, maybe the house

could use a little remodeling.

But why don't you just leave

this room alone, okay?

Okay.

I'll get her.

So?

Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down

a few walls, this place might be livable.

- What's on the third floor?

- Attic space.

I forgot to lock the attic door.

- Did you feel something?

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