Beetle Juice Page #2

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- When?

- You don't have a key?

- Maybe Charles does.

I have a feeling there's something

very interesting behind this door.

Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died

in this house, and they want us out!

Let's do them a favor.

My God, that was close!

I cannot watch this.

What's the good of being a ghost

if you can't frighten people away?

- Honey?

- No, I'm not putting up with this!

- You don't know what's out there.

- I don't care.

Barbara!

Adam!

Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow!

We're trapped in this house

with those people.

I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.

Is there no Szechwan up here?

I plan to have a stroke from the amount

of MSG in this food.

This is our first meal in this house,

so let's try to make it a pleasant one.

Don't bait your mother.

When we get settled, we'll build you

a darkroom in the basement.

My whole life is a darkroom.

One big dark room.

You were miserable in New York City,

and you'll be miserable in the sticks.

At least someone's life

hasn't been upheaved.

I'm happy here. Those people in New York

don't know what they're missing.

We could become The Summer Art Center

of New York.

I could start sculpting again.

I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.

That's a very good idea.

That'll be very time-consuming.

First the house.

Otho and I have great plans.

We should keep it the way it is.

Good idea.

The furniture truck is coming.

We must decide what goes and what stays.

Everything goes,

along with whatever's in the attic.

Careful.

Tell me what you do and I'll tell you

why my husband will fire you.

- Isn't there an index?

- No, nothing.

What's this?

Do you know where that's going?

Did anyone tell you where...

Why are there only three sculptures?

There were four sculptures.

Where's the fourth sculpture?

What are you doing?

"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.

Troubled by the living?

"Is death a problem and not the solution?

Unhappy with eternity?

"Having difficulty adjusting?

Call Betelgeuse."

There's no number or instructions?

Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.

Straight back.

Why don't you take a break

for half an hour?

Put that down!

What the hell are you doing?

- Listen to me!

- Jesus!

Why are you doing this to me?

This is my art and it is dangerous.

Do you think I want to die like this?

Hi. How are you?

That little girl saw us.

- Nobody can see us.

- But she did.

- What happened to the previous owners?

- They drowned.

Yes, they were family. I was devastated.

- Here, take that.

- Is this the key to the attic?

That's a skeleton key that will open

any door. Give that to your father.

You might mention I single-handedly

decorated that house.

If he needs any advice in that arena

have him come see me.

Don't worry. I locked the door.

Having trouble with the living?

Tired of having your home violated?

Want to get rid of them

pesky living critters?

Well, come on down and see me,

the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.

Yes, sirree! I want to tell you,

I'll do anything!

I'll scare 'em real bad.

I'll do anything to get your business.

Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta!

Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me.

Come on down and see it.

If you act now, you get a free

demon possession with every exorcism.

You can't beat that, can you?

Bring the little partners. We've got plenty

of snakes for them to play with.

Say it once, say it twice,

third time's a charm. And remember...

"I'll eat anything you want me to eat.

Swallow anything you want me to swallow.

"So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog."

We need some help. I read something

in this book about emergencies.

Here it is.

"In case of emergency, draw a door."

"Draw a door"? I don't know why

we keep looking in that stupid book.

Maybe we should try that Beetle guy.

You didn't actually think

that would work, did you?

"Knock three times."

Birdies!

Get it!

Dad?

- Can't you see I'm relaxing?

- I want to tell you what I saw.

What is the point of my coming here

if you people won't let me relax?

Pumpkin, sweetheart...

...go help your mother.

Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,

but I can't.

Hmm, nice building.

Bad roof. Good parking.

- Adam?

- This way, honey.

You don't have an appointment.

- We didn't know how to make one.

- Appointment for what?

- What do you want?

- Help?

Already? Just bit the big one

two months ago and you want help.

What does that have to do with anything?

You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s.

You spend 125 years on earth

in that house...

...during which you get only three class-one

D-90 intercessions with Juno.

You probably haven't read through

the manual completely yet.

You'll have to wait if you don't have

an appointment.

- An appointment with whom?

- For Juno, your caseworker.

Number 54,000,601. Ferndock!

- Want a cigarette?

- No, thank you.

I'm trying to cut down myself.

Adam, is this what happens when you die?

This is what happens when you die.

That is what happens when he dies.

And that is what happens when they die.

It's all very personal.

I'll tell you something.

If I knew then what I know now,

I wouldn't have had my little accident.

Maitland. Party of two.

Take the handbook

and go to the sixth door.

Oh, we forgot our handbook.

Come on.

All new arrivals,

report to waiting room number eight.

Flight 409 is arriving at gate three.

How do I look?

There are no mirrors on this side.

- You look fine.

- Fine.

Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.

Will the Peterson party

report to door number nine.

Peterson party, please report

to door number nine.

All new arrivals,

report to waiting room number eight.

I can't believe they didn't tell us.

Oh, Adam, what is this?

That's the Lost Souls' Room.

A room for ghosts

that have been exorcised.

Poor devils.

That's death for the dead.

It's all in the handbook.

Keep moving.

Five.

This is the sixth door.

Boy, this place just gets weirder

and weirder.

We're home!

Look at this place! Everything's different.

All our furniture's gone.

How long do you suppose

we were waiting there?

Three months.

I'd almost given up on you.

I was about to leave.

I do have other clients.

- Are you Juno, our caseworker?

- Yes.

I evaluate individual cases and determine...

...if help is needed, deserved and available.

Are you available?

No.

- What's wrong?

- We're very unhappy.

What did you expect? You're dead!

We want to get rid of the people here.

We worked hard on this house.

We probably wouldn't mind sharing

the house with people who were...

- More like you used to be.

- Yes.

But these people!

Things seem quiet here.

You should thank God

you didn't die in Italy.

The Deetzes.

- Have you been studying the manual?

- We tried.

The intermediate interface chapter

on haunting says it all.

Get them out yourselves! It's your house.

Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.

- We don't quite get it.

- I heard.

Tore your faces off.

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