Beetle Juice Page #3

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It's useless to pull off your heads

in front of people who can't see you.

- We should start simply?

- Start simply.

Do what you know.

Use your talents. Practice.

You should have been studying

those lessons since day one.

I've got to go.

What about that guy in the flyer, Betel...

Don't even say his name.

You don't want his help.

We might.

No, you don't.

He does not work well with others.

What do you mean?

I didn't want to bring it up.

But rather than have you make

another mistake, I'll tell you.

He was my assistant.

But he was a troublemaker.

He went out on his own...

...as a freelance bio-exorcist.

Claimed he could get rid of the living.

Got into more trouble.

I believe he's been sleazing

around your cemetery lately.

The only way he can be brought back...

...is by calling his name three times.

But I strongly suggest...

...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves.

How do we contact you...

...if we need you again?

Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.

She's right. We just keep this simple.

We can do this.

Hey, you, come here!

Hungry?

Come on. Hey, come here.

I got something good for you.

Come on over.

We'll have a little bite, something to nosh.

- Come here!

- Help me!

Maxie, haven't I always made you money?

That's the only real question.

Nobody made me money like you.

You were a demon until your nerves went.

It's just that...

...Winter River, Connecticut is,

if you'll forgive me, nowhere.

Why would I want to invest that kind

of money in an old building...

...way the hell up there!

- It's not a building. That's the beauty.

The people don't know the value of their

property. I can buy the whole town.

Then we own a whole town

in the middle of nowhere.

Come and see.

And bring Sarah.

All right, Charles.

It's just that I am kind of busy here.

Just a minute.

Listen. Enough of this talk

about visiting, okay? I gotta go.

You take it easy up there, big fellow.

- Good-bye.

- Max, wait, wait.

Putz.

Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?

I had Maxie Dean on the phone.

Dad's found a way of making money

while I relax, so would you scram?

Your mother will kill you when she sees

you cut holes in her $300 sheets.

This is so corny. Is this what

we've been reduced to? Sheets?

Think of them as death shrouds.

And the moaning is important.

Really moan!

God, how can he stand that woman?

Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes.

- I feel so stupid.

- It's not stupid. We're ghosts!

Do you want to spend the next 125 years

having breakfast with this woman?

Moan louder.

Oh, God!

Sick. Sexual perversion.

Do that weird sexual stuff

in your own bedroom.

Ah, no feet.

Are you the guys hiding in the attic?

We're ghosts!

- What do you look like under there?

- Aren't you scared?

I'm not scared of sheets.

Are you gross under there?

Are you Night of the Living Dead

under there?

Like all bloody veins and pus?

- "Night of the," what?

- "Living Dead." It's a movie.

If I had seen a ghost at your age,

I would have been scared out of my wits.

You're not gross.

Why are you wearing sheets?

We're practicing.

- You can see us without the sheets?

- Of course I can see you.

How can you see us and nobody else can?

I read through that

Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

It says, "Live people ignore

the strange and unusual."

I myself am strange and unusual.

You look normal.

- You read our book?

- Yes.

- You could follow it?

- Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?

- Trying to scare your mother.

- Stepmother.

You can't scare her.

She's sleeping with Prince Valium.

You did this?

You carved these houses and things?

And this used to be your house.

Why do you want to scare everybody?

We wanted to frighten you

so you would move out.

You don't know the Deetzes.

My father bought this place.

He never walks away from equity.

- Why don't you leave?

- We haven't left since the funeral.

Funeral!

God! You guys really are dead.

This is amazing.

- I better go.

- Wait.

- Don't tell your parents we're here.

- Unless it will frighten them away.

Tell them we are horrible...

...desperate, ghoulish creatures

who will stop at nothing...

...to get our house back.

What if this is a dream? Can you do

any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?

If you are real ghosts, you better get

another routine because those sheets...

...they don't work.

Ghosts.

You're telling me we have ghosts

in this house.

Those pictures are of ghosts.

Ghosts!

Lydia, I am giving a dinner party

tonight for seven people.

My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman

who writes for Art in America.

In fact, no one dining here

has not been in Vanity Fair except you.

I told them you were too mean to be afraid.

Don't you dare speak to others about me!

Being embarrassed in front of the few

people who will set foot in here scares me.

So let's play family just for tonight.

Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.

She's got photos.

Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot.

My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.

We've got to get some help. We've got

to contact Betelmeyer or something.

Look.

It's him. Betelgeuse.

Betelgeuse.

Go ahead, Barbara, say it.

Betelgeuse!

What happened?

I think we're in the model.

Look at that.

Where is he? What do we do?

Looks like we dig.

It's about time!

- I say we open it.

- Maybe we should knock first.

Adam. Babs.

You can pick 'em! Is this

a solid relationship? Do I have a shot?

- Excuse me.

- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?

It's beautiful! You picked me.

You didn't have to, but you picked me.

It makes me want to kiss you guys!

Come on, give me one.

I beg your pardon!

Let's get down to business.

I've got a card here somewhere.

Here. Who do I have to kill?

- Hold that for me.

- Whoa!

- There you go.

- You don't have to kill anybody!

Possession! Learn to throw your voice.

Fool your friends. Fun at parties.

No. We just want to get some people

out of our house.

I understand. In order to do that,

I'll have to get to know you.

We've got to get closer.

Move in with you for a while.

Get to be real pals.

You know what I'm saying?

Save that guy for later.

My wife and I have some questions.

Sure, go ahead. Shoot.

What are your qualifications?

Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate

of Harvard Business School.

I travel extensively.

I lived through the Black Plague.

I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...

...and it keeps getting funnier

every time I see it!

Not to mention the fact

that you're talking to a dead guy!

Now what do you think?

You think I'm qualified?

Can you be scary?

Oh! I know what you're asking me.

Can I be scary?

What do you think of this?

You like it?

- Will you excuse us, please?

- Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.

- Let's go.

- I know, but he can be useful later.

- We can work something ourselves.

- Oh, yeah!

- Excuse me!

- What?

We are leaving now.

Don't go yet.

Come on, we're simpatico.

Look at us. We shop at the same store.

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