Before I Go to Sleep Page #2

Wife just come off shift.

Miss Lucas was naked.

- Naked?

- Apart from a sheet.

A bed sheet or a plastic sheet?

Wife have said if it was plastic.

Where did I come from?

You couldn't remember.

You were very confused.

There was blood.

My blood?

Where?

Everywhere.

What was I doing by the airport?

Well, there are a lot of hotels

in the area.

Dozens.

Hotels?

It would explain the bed sheet.

I live here.

Why would I be staying in a hotel?

All sorts of reasons.

The medical examination

indicated recent sexual intercourse.

There was no trace of semen

or anything to help the police

identify the man you slept with.

Was I raped?

The police report suggested not.

I'm married. I don't think

I would be the kind of person

who would cheat on my husband.

How do you know?

Whatever happened that night,

whatever I've done,

I have to remember.

I know I do.

I have to, for us.

For us.

Chris?

No.

No!

Christine, could you

open your eyes, please?

We're going to show you some pictures.

And I want you to look at each one

and tell yourself what or who it is.

Go ahead.

Are you okay?

Some of the photographs

were taken from random,

others from your file.

This caused distinct neural excitation.

Who is she?

Did I have a friend?

Of course. You had a lot.

You were very popular.

With red hair?

- Not that I recall.

- Called Claire.

Claire? It doesn't ring a bell. Why?

You're absolutely certain?

Well, I mean, it's possible.

You had a lot of friends. Why?

It's just, I, uh...

I had a memory.

A memory?

Wife, well, sort of. I guess.

That's great. What kind of memory?

Claire. She had red hair.

She was a friend.

A good friend, I think.

Well, I mean...

I suppose you might have done, once.

Years ago.

Claire...

There might have been a Claire.

A friend from college.

There was a girl you were close to.

I mean, she might have been

called Claire.

So what happened to her?

What?

This isn't the first time

you've remembered Claire.

I don't understand.

It's not something we talk about.

Why not?

You drifted apart.

Why?

A couple of years after your accident,

she moved away.

- Where to?

- Canada, I think.

You think?

Truth is it didn't really matter to you

where she went.

You couldn't remember her

from one day to...

It matters. It matters now.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I keep them in my study.

You hide them?

They upset you.

You hide a piece of my past from me?

- To protect you.

- From what?

She couldn't handle it, Chris.

She couldn't handle knowing that

15 minutes after she left,

you had no idea she even existed.

After a while, she stopped calling

or even...

- She wasn't the only one, Chris.

- How can I trust you if you lie to me?

I live with you. With this.

Sometimes, when the truth

is painful or complicated,

I don't always have the strength.

Usually I do, but not always.

I'm sorry.

- So, what, you edit my life?

- This isn't just about you!

Sometimes this is a question

of what I can handle

and I can't always handle everything!

Not every day.

Sometimes we both need a day off.

He's keeping

Claire from you.

He says he's protecting you but he...

Don't trust him.

Don't trust Ben.

- Hello?

- Christine?

Hello, it's Dr Nasch.

You won't remember me,

but we've been meeting almost every day

for the last few weeks... A camera...

It's in a shoe box

somewhere on the bottom shelf of

the cupboard nearest the bathroom.

He's keeping

Claire from you.

He says he's protecting...

Claire...

He's keeping Claire...

He says he's protecting you,

but he's keeping Claire from you.

Don't trust Ben.

Bastard.

Are you all right?

I'm pregnant.

"When you

wake up in the morning, Pooh,

"what's the first thing

you say to yourself?"

"'What's for breakfast?'

What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, 'I wonder what's going

to happen exciting today?"'

- We have a child.

- Chris...

We have a child, a little boy, don't we?

Don't we?

Where is he?

- Come inside. Come inside.

- No. Where is he?

I can't talk to you

standing in the rain.

Why are you hiding him from me?

Where is my son?

- I'm not hiding. Come inside, please.

- Where is he?

- Would you just come inside now...

- No, I'm not coming inside!

Come here... Come here. Come here

and I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

- Come here.

- Where...

He died. We have a son

but he's dead. He died.

- No!

- He died. Please.

No!

Chris...

Chris, here. Come on.

How?

Meningitis.

How old?

Eight.

Adam died about three weeks

before his ninth birthday.

I keep these in the garage for safety.

There are some things it wouldn't

be good for you to stumble on

when you're by yourself, Christine.

Some things it's better

I explain to you.

This is Adam as a baby.

That's my baby?

Adam.

He would have been

about three months old there.

- When was he born?

- August 4th, 1999.

Adam.

Adam Thomas Lucas.

Beautiful.

"I am sick, please come home. "

Where was I?

In and out of hospitals.

- Chris.

- No.

I can't do it.

I can't do this, I'm so sorry.

Ben's been

through all this before.

His grief isn't new.

But it's new for me.

And it'll be new tomorrow.

And it'll be new the next day

and it'll be new the next day

and the next, and the next

and every day.

Every day for the rest of my life.

No!

His grief isn't new.

Mine is.

Mine is.

This isn't new for him.

His grief isn't new. Mine is.

Mine is.

And it'll be new tomorrow.

And it'll be new the next day

and it'll be new the next day

and the next and the next

and every day.

Every day for the rest of my life.

- Did you know about Adam?

- We've spoken about Adam.

Maybe Ben's right.

Maybe it's better I don't know.

Can we just sit here a while?

Of course.

Should I tell Ben?

About us?

About the therapy?

Was I a good mother?

I mean, before the injury.

You were a wonderful mother.

It must have been awful for him,

me not knowing who he was.

You loved Adam very much.

I understand why you would

hide this from me, I do.

And you've probably lived through this

more times than you can bear.

And I understand there must be days

when you say,

"I can't,

I can't go through this again. "

But if you care about this marriage,

and I have to assume you do,

never try to hide my son from me again.

I'm sorry.

Adam?

Mike.

Good morning, Christine.

It's Dr Nasch.

I'm a neuropsychologist

at University College, London,

and I've been calling you

every morning to remind you

to look for the camera

hidden in the back of your wardrobe.

You've been keeping a video diary...

Get ready, then I can come

and pick you up from home.

Mike.

What?

I'm not sure

but I think that's his name.

Whose name?

The man who did this to me.

Come here.

Come on.

Come here, come on. It's okay.

It's okay.

You're the only one

who makes me feel good.

I want you to feel good.

Christine, I'm sorry.

Christine,

my name is Dr Nasch.

- I know.

- How do you feel?

Shitty.

I only administered a mild sedative.

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