Before Sunset Page #4

Actually, you have this line.

- I know.

- It's like a scar.

- A scar? Like a gunshot wound?

- No, no, no. I like it. I'm sorry.

I had this funny...

Well, horrible dream the other day.

I was having this awful nightmare

that I was 32.

And then I woke up,

and I was 23. So relieved.

And then I woke up for real,

and I was 32.

- Sh*t, man. It happens.

- Scary.

Time goes faster and faster.

Apparently, it's because...

...we don't renew synapses after

our 20s, so it's downhill from then on.

I like getting older, you know?

Life feels...

I don't know, it feels more immediate.

Like I can appreciate things more.

No, me too, actually. I really love it.

I was once...

...a drummer in a band.

- You were?

- Yeah. We were pretty good, actually.

But the lead-singer guy, he was just so

obsessed with us getting a record deal.

It's all we talked about, thought about,

getting bigger shows.

Everything was just focused on

the future all the time. And now...

...the band doesn't even exist anymore.

And looking back

at the shows we did play...

...even rehearsing, it was just

so much fun.

I just... Now I'd enjoy every minute of it.

Could I have a drag of that?

Well, your book has been published.

That's a pretty big deal.

You've been all around Europe.

Are you enjoying every minute of it?

- Not really.

- Not really?

No.

- Do you have another one of those?

- Yes, of course.

Here.

In my field, I see these people that...

Oh, sorry.

Come into it with big,

idealist visions...

...of becoming the leader

that will create a better world.

They enjoy the goal,

but not the process.

- Right.

- But the reality of it is...

...the true work of improving things

is in the little achievements.

- That's what you need to enjoy.

- What do you mean, exactly?

I was working for this organization

that helped villages in Mexico.

And their concerns was how

to get the pencils...

...sent to the kid

in those little country schools.

It was not about big,

revolutionary ideas. It was about pencils.

I see the people that do the real work,

and what's really sad is that...

...the people that are

the most giving, hardworking...

...and capable of making

this world better...

...usually don't have the ego

and ambition to be a leader.

They don't see any interest

in superficial rewards.

They don't care if their name

ever appear in the press.

They actually enjoy the process

of helping others.

- They're in the moment.

- Yeah, but that's so hard...

...you know, to be in the moment.

I mean, I feel like I'm...

...designed to be slightly dissatisfied

with everything, you know?

It's like always trying

to better my situation.

I satisfy one desire,

and it just agitates another.

And then I think, to hell with it, right?

Desire's the fuel of life.

You know? Do you think it's true...

...that if we never wanted anything,

we'd never be unhappy?

I don't know. Not wanting anything,

isn't that a symptom of depression?

Yeah, that is, right?

I mean, it's healthy to desire, right?

Yeah. I don't know. It's what all

those Buddhist guys say, right?

Liberate yourself from desire,

and you'll find...

...you already have everything you need.

- But I feel alive...

...when I want something more

than basic survival needs.

Wanting, whether it's intimacy

with another person...

...or a pair of shoes, is beautiful.

I like that we have those

ever-renewing desires, you know?

Maybe it's this sense

of entitlement.

You know, like whenever you feel like

you deserve that new pair of shoes?

It's okay to want things, as long as you

aren't pissed off if you don't get them.

Life's hard. It's supposed to be.

If we didn't suffer, we wouldn't

learn a thing, you know?

So, what, are you Buddhist,

or something?

- No.

- No? Why not?

I don't know. The same reason I don't

really consider myself anything, really.

I decided a long time ago that

I was gonna be open to everything...

...but not buy into any one

and only belief system.

I went to this Trappist monastery

a couple years ago.

- Trappist?

- Yeah, they're Catholic. Cistercian.

- Why did you do that?

- Why? I'd been doing some reading.

Thought it'd be cool. Have you ever

spent any time with monks or nuns?

- No. It's not really my style.

- No?

Well, I expected them to be all

glowering and stern, but they weren't.

They were quick to laugh,

really easy to be around.

Seriously, very attuned to everything,

they were just...

You know, they weren't trying

to hustle anybody.

They're trying to live and die

in peace with God...

...or whatever part of them

they feel is eternal.

It was just so refreshing to be around.

You realize that most

of the people that you meet...

...are trying

to get somewhere better.

They're trying to make more cash,

get a little more respect...

...have more people admire them.

It's exhausting.

- No kidding.

- And it's exhausting to be one yourself.

There I am, right, you know,

all greedy to be more spiritual.

"I want to be a better person,"

you know? You can't escape.

I had this boyfriend of mine many years

ago that wanted to be a Buddhist.

So he went to Asia to visit some

of those monasteries.

- I've thought about doing that too.

- Yeah, you should. I'll tell you why.

He was good-looking, and each time

he went to one of the monasteries...

...a monk offered to suck his cock.

True story.

It all comes down to that, doesn't it?

That's why I really admire

what you're doing.

- You know?

- What do you mean? Sucking cock?

- No.

- No? Wrong answer.

No, I was gonna say

you're not detached from life.

You're putting your passion into action.

Well, I try.

You know something?

I'm gonna be on planes...

...and in an airport

for the next eight hours...

I'd just love to see

a little bit more of Paris.

- Would you walk with me?

- Yeah.

- Do you mind?

- That's great.

- Do you want to?

- Let's do that. Yeah.

What do we owe here?

Four-fifty?

No, I got it, I got a little

per diem going on here.

- This good, for a tip?

- Yeah, that's fine.

- That's more than enough.

- Throw that in too.

- Is there anywhere to go around here?

- It's sales day today.

- What's that?

- It's when everything's on sale in Paris.

It's twice a year.

All right, let's go shopping.

No, no, no. That's a bad idea.

I don't wanna inflict that on you.

It's madness. Let's just go

to this garden path. It's really nice.

All right. That sounds

better than shopping, actually.

Not that I wouldn't do

whatever you wanted.

Sometimes I don't even need

to buy anything. I just get high...

...on trying on

and looking at things.

Is this where we're going?

- Yeah.

- A therapist will tell you that's good.

- Really? Are you ever in therapy?

- Oh, no.

- Do I seem like I'm in therapy?

- I'm kidding.

- Does it help your sex problems?

- My sex problems?

- I'm kidding.

- Tell me the truth.

- We didn't have any problems.

- No, I'm kidding.

- We didn't even have sex.

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