Before Sunset Page #5

- That's a joke, right?

No, we didn't.

I mean, that was the whole thing.

- Of course we did.

- No, no, no, we didn't.

You didn't have a condom

and I never have sex without one.

I'm extremely paranoid.

There's no way...

I find it scary that you don't

remember what happened.

No, listen...

...I didn't write an entire book,

but I kept a journal...

...and I wrote the whole night in it.

That's what I meant, you idealizing it.

All right, listen, I even remember

what brand of condom we used.

That's disgusting.

I don't wanna hear it.

- That's not disgusting.

- No.

Okay, when I get home I'll check my

journal from '94, but I know I'm right.

- Wait a minute.

- What?

- Was it in the cemetery?

- No.

No, we went to the cemetery

in the afternoon.

It was in the park, very late at night.

- In the park?

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I can't... I can't...

Is it that forgettable? You really

don't remember? In the park?

Okay. Wait a minute,

I think you might be right...

You're messing with me now.

- No.

- Are you messing with me?

Okay. No, I'm sorry. I think...

I mean, you're right, okay?

Sometimes I put things in drawers

inside my head and forget about it.

It's less painful to put things

away than live with it.

What, so that night was, like,

a sad memory for you?

I didn't mean that night

in particular.

I meant certain things

are better forgotten.

I remember that night

better than I do entire years.

- Me too.

- Really?

Well, I thought I did.

But maybe I... Maybe I put it away

because of the fact that...

...my grandmother's funeral was

the day we were supposed to meet.

It was a tough day for me,

but it must've been worse for you.

It was unreal. I remember looking

at her dead body in the coffin...

...at her beautiful hands, so warm,

so sweet, that used to hold me...

...but nothing in that coffin resembled

what I remembered of her.

All the warmth was gone.

And then I was crying,

so confused if I was crying...

...because I was never gonna see her

again or never gonna see you again...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to go on like this.

I've been a little down this week.

- Why?

- I don't know. Nothing bad, just...

Reading your book, maybe?

No, but... Thinking of how hopeful

I was that summer and fall...

...and since then it's been kind of a...

I don't know.

Memory is a wonderful thing if

you don't have to deal with the past.

"Memory is wonderful if you don't

have to deal with the past. "

Can I put that

on a bumper sticker?

If you wrote a book about our night,

that's a good title.

- And it could be a total different book.

- Yeah, there'd be no sex scenes.

- But you know what?

- What?

Now that we've met again...

...we can change our memory

of that December 6.

It no longer has that sad ending

of us never seeing each other again.

Right. I mean, I guess a memory's

never finished as long as you're alive.

Yeah, I know. I have this memory

from my childhood...

...I realized recently never happened.

- What?

Well, when I was 8 or 9,

my mom was so paranoid...

...when I was walking home

from my piano lesson at night...

...she'd warn me about dirty old men

giving me candies...

...and then showing me

their pee-pees.

She was so obsessed with it that,

later in life, you know...

...I had this image in my head

that this really happened.

To the point that I even associated sex

with that walk home.

I mean, and sometimes,

even now, when I'm...

When I'm having sex, I see myself

walking down that street.

I swear. It's so weird, right?

- Is that street nearby? I mean, could...?

- Could we? No.

Very far.

Did you ever keep a journal

when you were a kid?

Yeah. On and off, I guess.

It's funny, I read one of mine...

...from '83 the other day.

- Yeah?

And what really surprised me is...

...that I was dealing with life

the same way I am now.

I was much more hopeful and naive...

...but the core, and the way I was

feeling things, is exactly the same.

It made me realize

I haven't changed much at all.

I don't think anybody does.

People don't want to admit it, but it's

like we have these innate set points...

...and nothing much that happens to us

changes our disposition.

- You believe that?

- I think so.

I read this study where they followed

people who'd won the lottery...

...and people who'd become paraplegics.

You'd think one extreme is gonna make

you euphoric and the other suicidal.

But the study shows that,

after about six months...

...as soon as people had gotten used to

their new situation...

...they were, more or less, the same.

- The same?

Yeah. Like, if they were basically

an optimistic, jovial person...

...they're now an optimistic, jovial

person in a wheelchair.

If they're a petty, miserable a**hole...

...they're a petty, miserable a**hole

with a new Cadillac, a house and a boat.

So I'll be forever depressed

no matter what great things happen?

- Definitely.

- Great.

No, come on, are you depressed now?

No, no, I'm not depressed.

But sometimes I worry

I'll get to the end of my life...

...feeling I haven't done all I wanted to.

- Well, what do you want to do?

I...

I want to paint more,

I want to play my guitar every day.

I want to learn Chinese.

I want to write more songs.

There's so many things I want to do,

and I end up doing not much.

All right, well, let me ask you this:

Do you believe in ghosts or spirits?

No.

- No?

- No.

- Okay, what about reincarnation?

- Not at all.

- God?

- No.

- All right.

- That sounds terrible. No, no, no.

But I don't want to be one of those

people that don't believe in any magic.

- So then, astrology?

- Yes, of course!

- There we go.

- That makes sense, right?

You're a Scorpio,

I'm a Sag, we get along.

No, no, no.

There's an Einstein quote

I really, really like.

He said, "If you don't believe

in any kind of magic or mystery...

...you're basically as good as dead. "

- Yeah, I like that.

I've always felt there was some kind of

mystical core to the universe.

But, more recently, I've started to think

that, me, my personality, whatever...

That I don't have any permanent

place here, you know.

In eternity or whatever, you know.

And the more I think that, I can't go

through life saying this is no big deal.

This is it. This is actually happening.

What do you think is interesting?

What do you think is funny?

What is important?

You know, every day's our last.

When I feel that way, I usually

call my mom to tell her I love her.

- Yeah?

- And she's always:

"Are you okay? Do you have cancer?

Are you gonna commit suicide?"

It's almost not worth it.

So, what about us?

- What about us?

- No, what I mean is...

...if we were both going to die tonight...

- Like the apocalypse was coming?

No, that's too dramatic... But what if

just the two of us were going to die?

I mean, would we talk

about your book?

- The environment? Or...

- If today was our last day?

Yeah, what would we talk about?

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