Behind the Candelabra Page #5

But you know out here,

all alone, I don't know...

it's every day the same.

You know,

but you, you have--

it's too much.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

But I know...

it's too much.

You always going

to give everything,

you're so busy--

it's too much!

I understand.

Give my son some more

iced tea, please.

This will be good

for you, not this.

Mm-mm.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you so much.

Oh.

You're all

just so wonderful.

I feel so close

to you all.

I feel like I can

tell you something

that I haven't told

anyone at all.

But you have to promise

it stays in this room.

In my early days...

before sound

was invented...

Well, I look pretty good

for 35, don't I?

Well, anyway,

back then,

classical piano players

always wore

black tuxedos.

Plain old

black tuxedos.

My mother, she wanted me

to be classical...

but I just couldn't stay

out of the saloons.

But I did have a concert

at the Hollywood Bowl...

and I was excited.

If you've never

been there,

it's open air--

it's tremendous!

It's got 10,000 people!

I show up

for the rehearsal,

and I look at this vast...

this beautiful,

enormous

open-air theater.

And I look

at the black piano.

I think,

"Hmm."

"Black piano,

black tuxedo."

"Who is going to see me

in this giant clam shell?"

Well, I ask you...

can you see me now?

All I'm saying is..

why can't we have fun?

- Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch!

- See people, you know?

Go to a party

every once in a while.

- All I do is give, give, give!

- Maybe see somebody.

And no matter how much I buy

you, it's never enough!

I'm not asking you

to buy me anything, Lee.

I'm just-- I'm crawling the

walls a little, that's all.

Why can't we

see people?

What are you

talking about?

I took you to the Jim Nabors-

Dom DeLuise concert.

That was...

that was one time.

Scott, I'm tired.

I work all night.

- This is not an inexpensive life.

- I know,

but you don't even

let me go out by myself!

- Why?

- I don't know!

Just to go out

and see people

and talk to them.

Just for a break!

A break from me?

Why do you need

a break from me?

I don't need

a break from--

I mean for you

to come with me!

I can't say

anything right.

Please don't

be unhappy.

I can't stand it when you

have a face like that.

Especially after

the money I paid for it.

Oh, you

want it back?

You want me to invite Charo

for brunch again?

- You liked her.

- Yeah, I like her fine, but--

But what?! What is it with you?

It's never enough!

What more can I give?

I'm not--

I'm happy, okay?

I am.

It's just... you have

to try to understand...

being somebody's

boyfriend?

This is not

exactly the life

that I had planned

for myself, you know?

I mean, I was going to be

a veterinarian.

You want to help

animals?

Pick up the dog sh*t.

And you listen

to me.

You stop taking

those pills, okay?

Jack gives you

too much.

He's got some people

addicted, I hear.

You're getting too thin,

you're always in a mood.

- People are noticing.

- Oh, who? Seymour?

Seymour hates me.

- They all hate me.

- See, this is what I mean.

It's that sh*t

talking!

Hey, you know what a woman said

to me in the casino today?

She asked me

if I was Liberace's son.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

- Come here.

- No.

Come here.

Come here.

You don't get anything.

You get nothing.

I get it all.

- Yes, I do. Please.

- Can I ask you a question?

- Yes.

- Can we go out?

Oh...

Walter was a twin.

Really?

He never told me.

Yeah, but the twin

was born dead.

But Walter...

Walter,

he weighed 13 pounds.

Even in the womb, he wanted

more than anyone else!

What's a mother to do?

She loves

the child more.

Now the world must

give him what he needs.

Mm-hmm.

God. God gives us

the power.

It's not luck.

It's who you are.

- Oh!

- Whoa!

I win, I win!

I win, I win.

Look, look, look, I wi--

Lee?

Lee.

- Lee.

- What? What is it?

She won, but there's

no money in the machine.

Oh, for chrissakes.

I don't have any change.

She won big.

Do you have

anything?

Gladys, do you have

any cash on you?

So, Ma, this is all we have.

But look

how much I won.

No, I know, but we don't

have any more cash.

But...

Okay. Okay.

So I'll take

a check.

Are you

proposing to me?

I just don't have a lot of

ready cash available, so...

I can't go to Lee, 'cause he

doesn't want me taking it anymore.

Well, that's silly.

He wants you to stay

skinny, doesn't he?

Silly.

I mean, I'd like to

wean myself off it...

eventually,

but, uh...

I have it under

manageable control now.

I don't even think

I'm going to take them

on the European tour.

Totally up to you.

The body flushes it out.

There are no studies

that show it's addicting.

It's perfectly fine.

You look terrific,

by the way.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

How does he get that

whole thing down his throat?

It's bigger than his head!

It's a freak show!

I don't know how you

can be gay and be such a prude.

I'm bisexual.

Well, which half

likes women?

I haven't met

that half yet.

You know, you're such

a booper.

Such a party

pooper-booper.

I don't even know

why you need that.

I don't need it.

I enjoy it.

It enhances it.

Sexuality is

something beautiful.

Right.

So how can you watch

those disgusting things

being done?

Disgusting is in the eyes

of the disgusting.

There's nothing wrong with

any part of the human body.

It's all

God's creation.

Well, God didn't make certain

parts for certain things.

It's variety, Scott.

It's what keeps

a relationship fresh.

You know, you are

such a prude!

I am not.

Then why won't you let

me f*** you sometime?

- Forget it.

- Why not?

- Because I don't like it.

- Why?

Because it's

kind of repugnant.

I'm repugnant?

No! Not you.

It.

That.

Doing that.

Only when

it's done to you.

Yes.

I can't help it.

- Well, you never tried it.

- Oh, God!

Because I know

I wouldn't like it.

If you loved me,

you'd try it.

If you loved me, you wouldn't

ask me to do something I hate.

Oh, God!

All of a sudden

we're sounding like

a gay Lucy and Ricky.

"Oh, Ricky, you wouldn't

f*** me up the ass

if you really loved me."

Why am I the Lucy?

Because I'm

the bandleader

with the nightclub act.

Hello.

Hold on.

It's your sister.

Angie, what?

When?

Okay.

Did you call...

what's his name?

Okay. Okay.

All right, let me

call Seymour on this.

It'll be first thing

in the morning.

Yeah.

Okay.

Lee, what?

Mama died.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, Lee,

I'm so sorry.

You have been amazing

these past few days.

We haven't even had

a chance to talk.

How are you

feeling?

I'm free.

You're going to love this.

- Mm-mm.

- Come on. Just this one time.

No, I don't

want to.

Pooch, pooch, pooch, come on.

Ride my little scooter!

You can ride my little scooter!

- Don't tickle me.

- Let's see.

Oh, daddy!

Lee?

Lee?

Lee?

Someone's in here!

What the f***?!

What are you doing?

Why was I on

the couch?

Because I couldn't

bear you last night.

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