Believe Me Page #4

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show 'em how to fix 'em.

Exactly.

What do you

need from me?

Uh, nothing.

Just do your thing

in the booth.

I will take care

of the rest.

Ten bucks says we don't

make it through this show.

Twenty.

Guys, guys, okay.

Ready to have some fun?

All right. This is it.

Battle stations, everybody.

Now transitioning

from the charity portion

into the message sequence.

All hands on slides.

Plus, we're saving lives.

I mean, how neat is that?

Ladies and gentlemen,

a man who

needs no introduction,

Mr. Sam atwell.

Yeah!

This place is dead.

Wow!

Praise God!

Praise God!

Am I right, Atlanta?

My name is Sam atwell,

and welcome to

cross country.

Tonight, I, uh,

I want to talk to you

about God's plan for you.

I think the big

question is,

was Jesus really

walking on water here?

No. No.

This is obviously

a story...

a story...

a story to represent

these moments

when the fear

and-and... and, uh...

I mean, yes,

we all know that Jesus

did walk on water.

He can do that.

We know that.

But I think the question

we have to ask

is why? Why?

You don't think that God couldn't

have just sent a row boat?

"Row boat"? What the hell

is he talking about?

My best guess,

uh...

that is, uh...

that's...

move over.

Yeah.

Danica, switch

the lights to cyan

and bring them up

to 70% on my count.

Camera, get me some

ambient guitar.

This is the master, right?

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Everybody ready?

But you know what

more than that?

More than that...

I believe that God has

amazing plans

for your life.

Do you believe that?

I believe

that God wants to

change the world

through the christians

in this room.

Do you believe that?

I believe...

I believe that,

through project

"get well soon,"

we can make

the water crisis history.

But do you

believe that?

If you believe

that God

still does miracles,

I'm gonna ask you to

join us in our efforts.

Will you give today

for a better tomorrow?

And as the ushers are

coming forward, all I ask,

all I ask is that

you just...

just give in a way that reflects

the faith that you claim.

Looks like they had

over $1,000 in that bag.

I can't believe it. Hey, you

saved our ass out there.

Congratulations on your

first show, you guys.

Callie, you had us thinking

there was a no-alcohol policy.

Oh, yeah, this is

all non-alcoholic.

Do you guys throw a party

like this after every show?

Yeah, pretty much.

We try to plan fun things

for the whole tour.

This should be on

all of your lanyards.

I took a closer

look at the song,

and I realized, "this is

supposed to be about Jesus,

so what are all those other

words doing in there?"

Ladies and gentlemen,

congratulations on

a successful first show!

Ow!

Hey! Hey-hey!

Whoo!

Honestly, I couldn't have asked for

a better way to kick off the tour.

I think we have

a few kinks to work out.

Gabriel, we have to see

if we can get you

to quit preaching sermons

between every song.

Hey, okay. All right.

Take it easy.

But seriously, you guys were

very flexible and considerate,

and I couldn't be

more proud.

If we keep this up,

we really will be

the most impactful

ministry

in the nation.

Now, as we wind down

the first

of many celebrations

to come,

I'd like to get someone

to close us in prayer.

And who better than our very own God squad.

What... God...

Baker, would you mind?

All right, guys.

Look, I'm sorry!

Bake, half of your prayer was

ripped from Jerry mcguire.

No! No, I was saying

the-the-the lord's prayer.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, Sam, do

we have a tax I.D. Number?

Um, yeah,

I got it right here.

All right, and don't let me

forget to have you sign this.

Mm-hmm. How much do

you want to report?

Uh...

Hey, guys,

I think we did

pretty good.

Yeah, we're gonna need

a bigger bag.

Bake, you brought

that extra bag, right?

Yeah. Wait, hold on, guys.

We aren't really gonna carry this

around like drug dealers, are we?

Uh, Tyler, it's just

like you said...

we can't deposit the money because

technically it doesn't exist.

Okay. Hey, hold on, hold on

just one second, Baker,

before you get into that.

Guys, real talk...

I would've blown it for us tonight

if it hadn't been for Tyler.

I really would've. And I

can't ignore the fact

that we might be a little

in over our heads,

but all we got to do is

just get through this tour,

and if we're going to be playing

Sunday school for the next two months,

we got a lot of

homework to do.

The goal is

to blend in,

but to do that,

we're gonna have to learn

everything we can

about these people.

How do they worship?

What are their mannerisms?

What do they like to

eat and drink?

How do they pray?

What do christians love to wear?

What's their sense of humor?

Do they have any hobbies

other than God?

How do they socialize?

How do they interact?

We all need to read up

on some Bible stories,

maybe even memorize

a few verses.

If we can do that,

we're good.

We're gonna get together

every night

and teach each other.

Sound good?

Let's get to work.

All right. Yeah!

Yeah!

Who's ready to worship and pray?

Okay. Worship and pray.

Starting off with worship,

this is basically

the best way to

advertise your faith.

And from what I can tell

so far, there are four

essential

hand-raising techniques.

First one...

the gecko.

It's just hands by the

side, palms open.

Just going for God,

like this.

This one's really good

for blending in,

'cause no one can tell

if you're worshiping or not.

It's just like this.

Could go either way.

Your mom could...

Play it out,

play it out.

Your mom could... whenever she... stop.

You're dead.

Second...

call this one

"casual five."

One hand in the pocket,

one hand up in the air.

High-fiving God.

Subtle. Simple.

The next one:

The straightjacket.

This is very, very, simple.

You're literally gonna hug

yourself.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I recommend this one

when worship goes acoustic.

I don't need to hug anybody else?

It's just me?

Last but not least,

my favorite...

the Shawshank.

Now, this one,

this is a little intense...

maybe too intense.

Do we jump up and down

while Shawshank-ing? No.

How do you know?

Right? No. Please.

Look, again, if the situation calls

for it, if everyone's going to town,

I recommend

just little calf raises,

balls of your feet.

You don't want to force it. You don't want

to be Shawshank in a room full of geckos.

Got it? Okay.

Let's talk about prayer.

The idea is

to say these words

as many times as is humanly

possible within one prayer.

Oh, and the word's just:

This is your saving grace.

This the crutch word.

Sprinkle this in anywhere.

Other ingredients include

metaphors, self-degradation...

very popular.

- Dramatic pauses.

- That's nice.

What is? I saw

what he did there.

What'd he do? And also,

of course, old English.

Got that one? And as

long as you finish

with an "amen" or an

"ah-men," you're solid.

Questions?

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