Bell Book and Candle Page #2

up to a point.

Matilda's technique is superb,

but her brewing lacks quality.

But on the other hand, Mrs. de Passe, you must

admit that her ointments. Have done wonders.

Ointments.

Oh, my dear.

I abandoned ointments when I was 14.

That's understandable.

Of course, no one can mention

Matilda and you in the same breath.

There's been nothing this

century like you. Sweet.

[Continues]

Oh, Gil, darling, you're depressed.

I expect it's Christmas.

Always upsets me.

Auntie?

Auntie, don't you ever wish that

you weren't... what we are?

NO.

That you could just spend Christmas Eve

in a little church somewhere,

listening to carols instead of bongo drums?

Now, now. Come over and join

Zoe and Waldo and the others.

Why, even Mrs. de Passe is here.

I wish I could just spend some time

with some everyday people for a change.

You wouldn't like it, darling.

They're ordinary and humdrum.

Yes, I suppose so.

But it might be pleasant

to be humdrum once in a while.

Perhaps you'd like to be humdrum

with that Mr. Henderson?

I wouldn't mind.

[jazz Continues, Mufed]

Well, it has to be around here

some place.

I looked it up in the directory.

All right, Shep, I grant you

this place may be different.

But must it be invisible?

Now, listen.

I swear I hear music.

Don't you hear music?

Uh-uh. Now, listen.

Listen. Shh, shh.

What's that? Look.

[ Continues, Muffled]

Drums.

[Laughs]

Hey, hello down there!

Hello! Zodiac?

Hello down- Hey, this is it.

See there?

Okay, I'll bet this is it.

There. A trail.

Follow the yellow line...

and keep going and keep going...

and there is an arrow.

Success. Come on.

[Continues]

Are you sure you wouldn't rather

go back to El Morocco?

Oh, come on.

This will be fun.

Good evening.

Oh, hello.

Providing the signs are favourable,

the Zodiac welcomes you.

Date of your birth, sir?

Um, March 12.

Sign of the fish.

The time is favourable.

[Laughing]

Fish. Sign of the fish.

[Chuckles]

Shep, this is the scrabby end.

The night is favourable- auspicious

for love, pleasure, entertainment.

Go right down. Oh, thanks.

Thanks. Come on.

[Crowd Applauding]

[ Band:
Up Tempo]

[ Man Singing In French]

[Continues In French]

it's not supposed to be known,

but he's from the Paris chapter.

[Continues In French]

This is a charming little number...

about a man who was assassinated

and thrown into a river.

That was 10 years ago,

and there he's been all this time...

at the bottom.

Without food, alcohol

or a female friend.

In addition, he detests water.

[Chuckles]

You won't catch her at El Morocco.

She looks like she's been living

in a pickle barrel.

[Continues]

[ Ends] [Crowd Cheering]

I think she's the one.

There's a snapshot of her in his desk drawer.

But, Auntie, I think...

Yes. Yes, I'm sure I do.

I know that girl.

[Crowd Chattering]

[Slow Tempo]

You sure you don't mind?

Of course not.

We're delighted.

That's very kind of you.

There we are.

Thank you.

I believe Miss Kittridge

and I know each other.

Oh? I don't seem

to remember.

Wellesley. We were

in the same dormitory.

Yes. Yes, of course.

You were that girl who used

to come to class barefoot.

[Laughs] They put you on

probation for it, didn't they?

Somebody wrote a note

to the dean about it.

I wear them in public now,

Mr. Henderson. Oh, sure.

That, uh- that band certainly is different.

Yes, Nicky and the boys

play very well together.

Nicky's the one playing the bongos.

- Up to a few months ago, he'd never studied music.

- He's quite remarkable.

Yes, particularly when you consider that,

before that, he used to work in an herb shop.

Uh-huh. Looks to me as if

he's eaten one herb too many.

[Chuckling] That's why he

acts so creepy, I suppose.

No, it's not that at all.

It's just that all the Holroyds

are a little sinister.

You see, Nicky's my brother.

[Sighs] Yeah.

I'm terribly sorry.

Uh...

Oh, waiter?

Yes, sir?

Give us two more of those, a vodka

and tonic and a scotch and soda.

Yes, sir.

[Mouthing Words]

[ Band Stops]

[Mouthing Words]

[ Stormy Weather ]

Miss Kittridge had a-

a quirk at college too.

- Thunderstorms.

- Thunderstorms?

- You do remember them?

- [ Chuckles ] Just an old bugaboo of mine.

Why, that last spring at school,

it was most astonishing how many

dreadful thunderstorms there were.

- Remember?

- Yes, I remember.

It was most extraordinary.

Why, they lasted for weeks.

Did they really scare you?

I'd rather not talk about it.

[ Playing Louder]

Merle, are you all right?

[ Frenetic]

[Yells] [Screams]

Shep, get me out of here!

[Laughing]

[Queenie Giggling]

All the girls loathed her.

She was a liar and a sneak.

And you know what else, Auntie?

She used to write

poison-pen letters.

That note to the dean

was from her.

Didn't you do

anything about it?

[Laughs] Why do you suppose we had

all the thunderstorms that spring?

Then that was you She was a nervous

wreck by the end of the term.

Did you hear that, Nicky?

Nicky!

Why, Nicky, how clever!

[Giggling]

Yeah, it's nothing really.

Just something I picked up the other day.

Oh, Nicky,

will you ever grow up?

[Giggling]

And, Auntie, you know

something else?

She had a terrible reputation

as a beau snatcher.

Well, isn't that nice?

Now you can't have a single twitch

about taking him away from her.

Why, it wouldn't be anything for you.

Just a few words to Pyewacket.

No, I don't want him that way.

Gillian, you haven't fallen in love

with him and lost your powers?

Of course not. You don't

believe that old wives' tale?

Well, they say it's true. Nonsense.

It's the other way around.

We can't fall in love.

I wonder.

I wonder if I could

get him without tricks.

I wouldn't know, dear.

I could never do it at all.

If you both come in a moment,

you can have your presents now.

After all, it's been Christmas for hours.

Wait a minute. Let me open.

It's my turn now, Nicky.

Let me. Auntie...

Well, really!

If Nicky can, why can't- Auntie!

Yeah.

[Laughing] Gil, I've got

your present with me, dear,

but I'm afraid it's

kind of mingy this year.

I've never been so broke. That's all right, dear.

I like it just the same.

Thank you. Let me do it again. Come on.

No. No, Nicky, that's enough.

[Nicky] Come on, Queenie, it's present time.

Come on, come on.

You know something? You know what I used

to wonder as a kid? Pye, Pye, Pyewacket.

Huh? Oh, Pyewacket.

I always used to wonder why, all through

history, witches were continually poor...

when you'd think they could get

whatever they wanted.

It's only because they weren't any

good at it, any more than we are.

[Nicky] Thank you.

[Cat Toy Squeaking]

We can turn out street-lights, but

we can't make anything turn to gold.

Gil could.

She could hex the entire stock market

if she wanted to, but she's scared.

- She's afraid of the repercussions.

- No, Nicky.

I just say you don't know what this kind

of thing can do to you if you go too far.

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