Bell Book and Candle Page #8

That's right.

[Liquid Bubbling]

You must wear this.

Put it on.

Can we get on with it, please?

[Bianca] Patience.

[Bubbling Continues]

[Gurgling]

[Hissing]

[Groans]

I conjure thee to remove all chains

and break all bonds which bind thee.

Drink it. Drink it?

I will do no such thing!

Drink it! [Sybil] Drink it!

Quickly, while it has strength.

Oh-

Drink it!

[Sighs]

[Bianca] Drink it!

All of it.

[Gulps]

[Sybil] You're a fool!

Who's a fool? You're a fool!

So cheapening-

you taking him to see her.

He's too good for that sort of thing.

Oh, come now, Gil.

Just because you and Bianca are rivals.

We are not rivals.

[Scoffs, Tapping Drum] A third-rate,

vulgar, self-advertising,

mail-order sorceress.

Ooh.

Just the same, you should never

have told him, and you know it.

You know what it says on love potions-

Shake well, but don't tell.

[Chuckles] [Sighs]

That's what happens to people like us.

We forfeit everything and...

and we end up in a little world

of separateness from everyone.

Say, if you don't mind, I'd like to

see Miss Holroyd for a few moments.

[Murmurs] Shep, ol' boy?

Oh, Nicky, will you, please?

Yeah, how are you?

Huh?

Yeah. Oh, you're fine.

[Chuckling] Yeah. What? You...

I heard about last night, Shep. Oh...

What did you go there for?

For the hair of the dog that bit me. That's why.

Listen, I don't want to be here,

and I wouldn't be,

except that old bag said that the treatment

wouldn't be complete until I confronted you.

Well, nice of her

to make that a condition.

Oh, and she told me to tell you that, in

case you have anything further in mind,

she's fixed it

so you can't undo this one.

Yes, and just how did she do that?

Well, she said it was something she put in

that disgusting mess she made me drink.

Ew. I've never been

so humiliated in all my life,

to say nothing

of the money it cost me.

What did she charge?

A thousand dollars!

What?

A thousand- At least she was

willing to take a check.

She also pointed out to me that,

if we'd gotten married,

it would cost a lot more

than that to get divorced.

Well, that's a pretty comparison.

Yeah, but it's a good one.

A pretty good one. Not bad, pretty good.

And now, if you'll forgive me,

I think I'll be going.

"Believe me, I've had my fill

of this bell, book and candle" set.

It really wasn't necessary

for you to move, Shep.

Oh, yes, it was. Of course, I may have

a little trouble subletting.

This isn't the kind of a house that I could

wholeheartedly recommend to anybody.

Good day.

You mean good-bye?

That's right.

I'll never see you again?

Well, I can't see what for.

I suppose you'll go back

to Merle.

Perhaps, if she'll have me.

Oh, I forgot. I'm going to a hotel,

so I won't be needing this.

But maybe you might, in case you ever

get sick of the primitive art business.

Have broom, will travel.

So, a trip to the Brooklyn harpy,

a visit to me,

a final moronic joke

and away we go.

It's that easy, is it?

Go back to Merle Kittridge?

You'll not if I have anything to say about it!

Perhaps you're defrosted, but I haven't

even begun with her! Gillian, I...

Let's see,

what would be fancy enough?

I'll transport her.

Before I'm through with her, she'll

see more geography than Marco Polo!

Gillian, what- And you needn't

try to chase after her,

'cause before she leaves,

I'll- I'll infatuate her.

I'll make her fall for someone- the

first stranger that walks in on her!

The mail man, the plumber,

the window washer!

Pyewacket!

U h-oh.

Pyewacket!

Holy smoke.

Pyewacket, where are you?

Pyewacket!

Pyewacket!

Pyewacket, where are you?

Pye.

Pye!

I know how it sounds.

I'm under a spell. I'm enchanted.

Sure, it's inconceivable,

but it's a fact.

I tell you there are such things,

and they're right here in New York.

There are? Yes, that girl you

know- Gillian Holroyd, she's one.

A witch?

Yes!

Shep, you've just

never learned to spell.

How about those thunderstorms

while you were in college?

I suppose they were just plain

ordinary thunderstorms.

Well, they weren't

plain, ordinary th...

Merle, in the last half hour, have you had a

sort of- an urge to go away on a vacation

to sort of get away from it all?

No, dear, only from you.

Only from me. That's a good one.

All I want to do

is to tell you why I'm here.

I have to tell you that something

very peculiar may happen to you,

and, if it does, maybe I can help you.

If this is your idea

of a clever way to crawl back...

All right, you think what you like.

Just don't blame me if you're eating

sukiyaki before the week's out.

[Meows]

Naughty cat.

Oh, you naughty cat.

Gillian's been looking

all over for you.

How can I make you understand that I'm just trying to

take precautions- Why don't you let me call Dr. Cook?

Maybe he can help you. A doctor?

I'm not crazy, Merle.

I may sound like a lunatic,

but I'm not crazy.

I'm not trying to whip up any old passion, so

you- Miss Kittridge, It's the exterminator man.

He wants to know if he can come in now.

Yes, dear.

No. No, I wouldn't let him

come in here now. What?

Just why not?

Because he'll seduce you.

- Send him in, Betty.

- Yes, ma'am.

Shep, I'm really getting fed up with all this.

What do you think I feel like?

I'm just trying to help- Good morning.

You can start in the bedroom.

- Uh-oh.

- Yes, ma'am.

[Growls, Barks]

Bon voyage.

Gillian?

On the roof, of all places.

He's never gone off like that

before, has he? [Gillian] No.

Do you think he was looking

for a mate?

Pyewacket. Pyewacket, come here.

[ Meows]

- [ Screeches]

- Pyewacket, get down here this instant.

[ Meows ] Pyewacket!

Come here. Get down.

Come on. [Yowling]

[Continues Yowling]

Oh, Gillian, what's the matter?

Stop it.

I've got a little job for him to do.

You mean...

Yes. Oh, how thrilling!

[Claps Hands]

Who is it going to be?

Miss Poison-Pen Merle Kittridge.

[Meows] It's just wonderful, dear.

You're staging a comeback.

What are you going

to do to her?

Why don't you burn down her house

or have all her hair fall out?

Queenie, if you-

Pyewacket! Pyewacket!

[Horn Honking]

Pyewacket!

Pye!

[Horn Honks]

Pye!

Pyewacket!

Tears.

Real tears.

It's true, that old wives' tale.

It's true.

That's why Pyewacket ran away.

You've lost your powers.

I've fallen in love.

I've been coming down with it

all along, I guess.

I didn't know what it was.

What is it like, Gillian-

love?

I've never had it, you know.

Is it wonderful?

Wonderful? Oh, no.

Oh, Auntie, it's awful.

Oh, Auntie, I don't want to

be human, not now. [Crying]

[jazz Combo]

I've said for years,

the ideal situation of cockcrow

is to be alone with one's subject...

on the threshold of a deserted lea.

But where can one find

a deserted lea nowadays?

Well, it's impossible.

[Chuckles]

You can't even find a barbershop

that's open at 4:00 a. IN.

I haven't had any luck.

[Laughing]

Hey.

[Continues Laughing]

I'll put that down.

Hey, Queenie, I think our friend Redlitch

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