Bend It Like Beckham

And David Beckham gets the ball

yet again for Manchester United.

He's really taking responsibility

every time they have possession

and this is really a reflection of the way

he's been playing and captaining England.

Seems to have matured so much as a player

and he's dominating proceedings here,

but...hoping perhaps to get

a bit more support

as he gathers the ball on this

right-hand touchline time after time.

And the Old Trafford crowd warming now

to the way Beckham is taking over.

But there's a big question mark

here against United,

because where is

the goal gonna come from

- to break down Anderlecht?

- United!

Will it be Scholes?

Could it possibly be Ryan Giggs?

Would it indeed be Beckham himself

who breaks through?

Anderlecht are playing

a very controlled game.

This is Radzinski for them,

testing the United defence,

and Silvestre here at left back,

possibly with a chance to

break forward now on the other flank.

And there's the ball

that Beckham really wants.

That looked like a body check there,

but he's shrugged off the defender.

Still Beckham, plenty in the middle.

lt's a decent cross, and there is Bhamra.

That's a fine header,

and she's scored!

lt's a goal by Jess Bhamra!

A superb header here,

beating the defender

and planting the ball beyond

the goalkeeper's left hand.

Jess Bhamra makes a name for herself

at Old Trafford!

And have we discovered

a new star here, Gary Lineker?

That's right, John. Could Bhamra be

the answer to ngland's prayers? Alan?

There's no denying the talent.

Quick thinking, comfortable on the ball,

vision and awareness -

absolutely magnificent.

l tell you what,

l wish she was playing for Scotland!

John, have ngland found the player

to relive their World Cup glory from '66 ?

Definitely, Gary, we've finally found

the missing piece of the jigsaw

and the best thing is,

she's not reached her peak yet.

O. Thanks, John.

Well, we're joined in the studio now

by Jess's mother, Mrs Bhamra.

Mrs Bhamra, you must be

very proud of your daughter.

Not at all!

She shouldn't be running around with men,

showing her bare legs to 70,000 people!

She's bringing shame on the family

and you three shouldn't encourage her!

Jesminder, you get back home now!

Jesminder, are you listening to me?

Jesminder, have you gone mad?

- Mum!

- Football, shootball!

Your sister's getting engaged

and you're watching this skinhead boy!

Mum, it's Beckham's corner!

ey, come downstairs.

Your sister's going crazy.

Mum, l can't hang around all day!

l've gotta go!

Mum, where are my keys?

l can't find them anywhere!

Sick of this wedding

and it hasn't even started.

Mum, can you hurry up?!

She'll probably ruin it for me!

That girl is a first-class b*tch!

Pinky, you've got so many others!

Yeah, but it was all planned.

Now l gotta get another one!

- Will you get a move on?!

- What the hell's going on?

Get this, yeah?

Teet's bloody sister says

she's wearing baby pink now.

Stupid cow.

l had matching accessories and everything!

Oh, Mum, do l have to go shopping again?

My mother chose

all my 21 dowry suits herself.

l never once complained.

You girls are too spoilt!

Don't forget my dhania,

four bunches for a pound.

And more carrots. l'm making achar.

Oh, Mum, don't do pickle as well!

Am l asking you two to make it?!

- i, Pinky!

- You all right?

Yeah. What you doin' 'ere, man?

You haven't left everything

to the last minute?

One more day of freedom!

- Where d'you get your contacts?

- Do you like 'em?

Just thought they went with my hair, innit?

My fianc don't like dyed hair.

Still, can't stand here chatting all day.

l gotta go to aling for my facial. Laters!

- Bye, Pink.

- Laters.

Stupid b*tch!

Why did she have to get blue contacts?

Now I can't wear mine, can I?

You're mad.

l wouldn't be seen dead in that!

They're all the rage, poppet.

You blow 'em up, just like a Lilo.

Look, this little pump comes free with it.

Pop it in there, in the valve.

Pump, pump, pump away, up it goes.

Then...slip it back in there...

..boom boom!

Cleavage.

And they're perfect

while you're still growing

- cos they lift you right there.

- Mum!

- God, you're so embarrassing!

- They make more of what you've got.

All the girls have bought one

for their daughters.

Well... Well, look, there's the Fleur.

That's pretty. Mm?

And the gel bra, that's a clever one.

No pumping. lt's already in there.

Oh no, sweetheart,

not the sports bras.

They're so plain. They don't enhance.

Well, no one's gonna see them.

No, but it's not how they look,

it's how they make you feel. m?

l really like that lace Lycra one.

Uh-oh, there's your mate.

Let's make this quick, yeah?

I hope his mum wears a cardy

over her three stomachs tomorrow!

- Shut up, she's old.

- So?

All right, Jess? iya, Pinky.

May you have a long life, my daughters!

- verything getting ready for tomorrow?

- Yes, Massiji. Mum's making the samosas.

May God keep you and your husband

in endless happiness!

And pray for me,

that l get a lovely daughter-in-law like you

for my ony.

Mum!

Aww, thank you, Massiji!

O, bye, yeah?

- ow was biology?

- Did you do the genetics one?

The daughter was a carrier

and when she married

she passed the defective gene to her son.

Yeah, l got that, too.

l hope l get my two As and a B for uni.

Come on, Jess.

- You going to the park later?

- l'll try.

Mum!

l've found it!

Come on, Jess.

'Scuse me. That suit...

- Come on, mate.

- Over here.

There you go! Over here!

Rubbish! Come on, boys!

You're such an idiot, man!

- Jess! Fancy a quick game?

- l can't. My mum's waiting.

- And my dad's on earlies at eathrow.

- Come on, we really need ya.

Come on!

Who does she think she is?

Beckham or what?

Can we chest it like him?

- You know, give it some bounce!

- Chest it, Jess, go on. Chest it!

Did that hurt, pretty boy?

l nearly scored from 25 yards today.

Bent it and everything.

l could have carried on playing all night.

It's not fair, the boys never

have to come home and help.

Wonder if l had an arranged marriage,

would l get someone who'd let me

play football whenever l wanted?

- Who were you talking to?

- No one, Dad.

O, Biji and her grandson are coming

and staying in here for the wedding.

Why don't you put some nice picture

of beautiful sceneries

- instead of this bald man?

- Dad!

I'm going to change.

Come and help me outside, O?

O.

..a beautiful Rolls-Royce, you know?

l'll get one for your wedding, too,

if you like.

l just want a little bit.

lt will be your turn soon, uh?

Do you want a clean-shaven boy

like your sister

or a proper Sikh

with a full beard and a turban?

It's only our men that have

a big engine and full MOT, eh?

Nah, man,

the alternator's gone on the Merc!

Just do the carburettor on the Nissan.

l told you not to bother me!

lt's my engagement, man!

- Sorry.

- l know. Of course.

Put it off. Thank you.

- Lads get into 'em!

- Yes!

Mmm. e is so tick, man!

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