Bending the Rules Page #2

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Wouldn't it be nice

if life was all blacks and whites?

Turns out, it's mostly grays.

- Is that supposed to mean something?

- I'm just trying to get you to see the forest.

Okay, I'm drowning in metaphors here.

Am I supposed to see the forest

or mostly grays?

Look, everything I know

comes from you.

A much younger and stupider me.

- Are you happy doing this?

- I'm extremely happy.

Good. Grant Stone's gonna get

the interim appointment as the DA.

You're kidding? Grant Stone?

- You're a great trial lawyer.

- I'm the senior deputy.

And everyone in the office thinks

you're an a**hole. So do the judges.

Most of the defense bar.

I should start caring about

defense lawyers?

Everybody in the system

gets chewed up, Theo.

Including the poor bastards

we send to prison.

Grant Stone cares about the bad guys.

That makes him more qualified than me--

Theo. Take some time off.

Go home. Look in the mirror.

I need Gil Ott for an interview.

- Not here.

- Where is he?

Check again. Detective Schaefer

brought him earlier.

- Come see for yourself.

- I had a hold on the guy.

The computer says the man isn't here.

What do you want? I just came on.

- Who was here earlier?

- Chin.

- Where'd Chin go?

- Chin and me ain't that close.

What the crap? Come on.

What's up with the sneak attack?

License, registration,

proof of insurance.

I'm a DA.

License, registration,

proof of insurance.

License.

My registration.

Have you had anything to drink tonight,

Mr. Gould, is it?

It's Gold. Theo Gold.

I'm chief assistant district attorney.

I was in my office all night working.

I'd appreciate you telling me what I did.

- Have you had anything to drink tonight?

- No.

Mr. Gold, you're becoming upset.

Please calm down.

If you do not calm down,

I will have to place you under arrest.

Are you joking? What is all this about?

- Please step out of the car.

- No.

Mr. Gold, please step out

of the vehicle now.

I am placing you under arrest.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Mr. Gold, you are resisting arrest.

- No, I'm not.

- You are definitely resisting arrest.

What are you talking about?

If you continue to resist arrest,

I will Tase you.

Are you out of your freaking mind?

- Should I go again?

- Said Tase him, not barbecue him.

Make the call. Let's go 10-99.

Detective Nick Blades...

...there's something shocking

you should see, State and Chestnut.

Get the hell away from me.

- Mr. Gold, stop.

- Get the hell off of me.

- Then stop swinging at me.

- Fine.

Just leave me alone.

I can't believe your mom's Lena Valoise.

I've seen Tomorrow, Again

like 50 times.

Please don't speak to me.

What happened?

Two policemen kidnapped

and Tased me.

Friends of yours, I presume.

I've never been Tased myself.

Imagine the worst dental appointment

of all time.

You got lucky, detective.

It won't happen again.

I've always been lucky.

Today's my birthday.

I hope it's the best one ever.

Kelly!

No, no. Don't do this to me.

Kelly.

- Where's the Hawk?

- I have no idea.

- You know what time it is?

- Hawk's not in the driveway.

Give me the keys to your car.

The keys!

- Why?

- Because that minivan is dead...

...apparently,

your precious Hawk is missing...

...and you may remember,

I'm going to my parents...

...until you get the hell out of my house.

That's why.

Come on, Kelly, I'm begging.

Just give me a little more time

to explain to the kids.

- Bye, Daddy.

- Bye, guys. Daddy loves you.

See you soon.

This a**hole must be having

the worst day of his life.

He just called in to report that

someone stole his car out of his driveway.

Stop, now you're just trying to hurt me.

- Where's it at?

- How should I know?

Wait, you don't think we stole his car?

You know what happens

when you wake up in the morning...

...and you can't tell the difference between

good guys and bad?

- Where's the car?

- Chaos, detective.

Anarchy.

And the Cubs win the World Series.

I'm telling you, Blades, the report is legit.

We didn't do it.

Yeah?

- What are you gonna do about your father?

- Nothing.

We've done our share of fooling around

over the years, Theo, but this is ridiculous.

It's time for him to hang up his sword and

die with something approaching dignity.

Mom, I don't need to hear this.

The worst part is he's lost interest in me.

I thought it was the cancer,

so I didn't push. But now I know.

- I still have needs, Theo.

- Please, stop, enough already.

What time are you picking us up

for lunch?

Theo?

I'm sorry, I have to cancel.

Kelly has my car.

- So take the van.

- It's dead.

Again? All right, you have my permission

to use the Hawk, just be very careful.

- I can't.

- Why not? What's wrong with the Hawk?

I don't believe this.

I gotta go.

If something happens to that automobile,

it'll kill your father.

- I'm hanging up the phone now.

- And I don't mean that metaphorically.

Move out of the street.

I just had an accident.

I think I may have broken something.

Please move out of the street

or I'll have to cite you.

I'm bleeding here. I'm bleeding here.

Move now.

My car was stolen. I saw the guy driving it

around the corner two minutes ago.

- I tried to go after him on the bike.

- Stolen, huh? Shocking.

Drive around the block, you might find him.

It's a 1957 Studebaker Golden Hawk.

I don't see anything.

- You're gonna have to call in a report.

- I did.

You know, I'm about to go off shift

if you want a ride downtown.

Thank you.

Okay, Blades,

so now you're buying two dinners.

And not the Whole Foods deli again,

either.

Someplace where they bring food

to the table.

Let's see what you got,

then we'll decide.

Well, it was code. Forensics figures it

for driver's license numbers.

- Maybe.

- Maybe?

- Did you run the registrations?

- Yep. And it's four local Louisiana plates.

It's just that there are three extra letters.

WVB or BVW,

depending on how you read it.

But one of the cars is registered

to YouTube's latest sensation, Taser Boy.

Theo Gold?

He reported his car stolen this morning.

- So, what is this, a shopping list?

- Gold must have a pretty nice car.

If we have the list and Gil's in jail,

how does the car get stolen?

- Jail has no record of him being there.

- That's impossible.

- I saw Schaefer walk him out the door.

- I'm gonna go hunt down Gil.

- You want me to call Gold?

- Let me deal with that.

Check with Schaefer and Chin.

I'm gonna stop by a couple of addresses

on my way to Gil's.

Okay.

Hi, Nick.

Blades. Goddamn it.

If you're out there impersonating

a police officer, I will pinch you myself.

- You got IA in 48 hours.

- I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime,

I'm having my teeth cleaned...

...and maybe a trim.

- I've been waiting over an hour.

- I understand you've had a jolt, Mr. Gold.

There's no need to get all charged up.

We're having a busy morning here.

So as soon as we can unplug an officer

from another matter, we'll be with you.

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