Best in Sex: 2017 AVN Awards Page #2

and you know that

- You wanna stay

- You wanna stay, come on

Come on, close the blinds,

let's pretend that

The time has changed, yeah

Hey, keep our clothes on

the floor, open up champagne

Hey, let's continue tonight,

come on, celebrate

- You know how we do, hey

- Sometimes you gotta

- Stay in

- Yeah

- And you know where I live

- You know where I live

- Yeah, you know what we is

- You know what we is

- Sometimes you gotta stay

- Party people, come on!

- Welcome to my house

- Yeah

- Baby, take control now

- Now

We can't even slow down

- We don't have to go out

- Come on

Welcome to my house

Play that music too loud

- Show me what you do now

- Show me now, yeah

- We don't have to go out

- Come on

And everybody say

what, what, come on

- Welcome to my house

- You heard me

Bring a friend

Welcome to my house

Welcome to my duck off

the crib, the spot, the pad

But my house is your house

if you throwing it back

Excuse me if my home

draining the sad

Soon as these happy faces land

you can run with the cash

Home run, slam dunk,

touchdown, pass

Mi casa es tu casa,

so it ain't no holding back

Another shot of vodka,

you know what's in my glass

- It's my house, just relax

- AVN, make some noise!

Welcome to my house

Baby, take control now

- We can't even slow down

- Hit the brakes

- Hit the brakes, slow down

- We don't have to go out

Cheers to this,

welcome to my house

Play that music too loud

Show me what you do now

- We don't have to go out

- Come on

And everybody say

what, what, come on

- Welcome to my house

- You heard me!

We ain't gotta go out

'cause what

Welcome to my house

It's my house, my house

- Yeah

- Welcome to my house

It's my house.

AVN.

- F***ing Mitch.

- Colin, Colin, buddy...

There's no f***ing way

I'm picking them all up.

- Fufufufuck you.

- You already agreed.

Take a sh*t, and take a

picture of it and send it to me.

That's what I'm

looking at right now.

Just think, sexy women,

Las Vegas...

You're the last manager

I'm ever working with.

Just get on the road.

I'm sure it'll be fun.

This car is a wreck.

What is this, Uber shitty?

Hilarious.

I'm Colin Kane.

- I'm hosting the AVNs.

- Holy sh*t.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn, you're pretty sexy.

- You alright there?

- Yeah, sorry.

Yeah.

So you know we're

contractually obligated to shoot

an anal scene together, right?

Um...

- I'm Aspen.

- I'm Colin.

Oh, I know who you are.

Riley texted me on the way here.

And you guys are doing

a scene together.

We're not doing

a scene right now.

Oh, yes, we are.

Trophy Girls?

You girls just f***

rich old dudes or something?

Can we stop

and get some tacos?

- No, no, no.

- Ugh, come on.

I'm not your goddamn driver,

sh*t tits.

He's our driver

and our cohost.

And my new scene partner.

One of those is true, ladies.

Just one.

Yes.

- Oh, my God, you guys.

- Are we almost there?

Road trip selfie!

Get back here,

get in on this!

- Everybody get in.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Everyone say "dildo!"

Dildo!

Whoo!

Who the f***

is driving the car?

AVN!

AVN!

AVN!

Sh*t, hell yeah,

topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

Topless road trip!

So is that it, then?

Oh, sh*t, there's Vegas.

- Oh, yes!

- Yes!

- Yes!

- F***, yeah!

AVN!

AVN!

AVN!

AVN! AVN!

What the f***, you guys?

We gotta go.

Nah, we're good.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome, Colin Kane.

2017 AVN Awards.

Make some noise,

ladies and gentlemen, come on!

Another round for Florida

doing his thing.

Come on, let him hear it.

Let him hear it.

I am so happy to be here,

honestly.

It is such a great night.

You guys look amazing.

And I gotta say, right from

the start, you guys are dirty

and you keep it real,

and I want you to clap for that

right now

'cause you keep it real.

I mean that.

I'm a dirty guy.

That's why I do this show.

I was at the gym yesterday,

true story.

This girl started to put

her hair up, and I started

to take my dick out

out of habit.

It's one of those.

That's just how it is.

You girls, I gotta say this.

When you grab a dick,

you porn stars, you grab it

like you mean it, like,

it's just like, give me one of these.

These young girls, they kind of

do that foreplay a little

where they grab it a little,

and they're like,

"Oh, hey.

Not yet, not yet, hold on.

Not yet, not yet."

This is the best sound ever

when you're getting

a blow job, shh.

And if you laughed at that,

please DM me on Instagram

tonight, please do.

You guys are filthy.

I got a blow job one time,

and this girl had Invisalign.

I filled up the whole top shelf.

Whole top shelf.

And she tried talking to me

after sex,

"I'm just gonna get

some water or something.

I need a little something

just to clear it out."

I gotta say this too right now.

You ladies take it in the ass,

and it's unbelievable.

When I try...

Yes, yes, when I try

to put it in a girl's ass,

I feel like she's, like,

helping her friend

parallel park the whole time.

"Come on, eh, come

Eh, eh..."

I tried to put it

in this girl's ass one time,

this is a true story,

and she looks at me, and she goes,

"My ass is an exit only."

"Oh, wow, we have

a lot in common.

"So is my f***ing apartment,

holy sh*t."

You guys are filthy.

Look at you.

I love it.

The dirtiest joke of the night.

And I gotta say this too.

I had girl one time

stick a finger in my ass

when she was blowing me.

Now...

Some of you, some of you

might think I'm gay or whatever

or I'm a, you know,

but I gotta tell you,

this f***ing gay guy

f***ing loved it.

Holy sh*t.

I think, like, doves

flew out of my dick hole.

It felt amazing.

And there's a moment,

listen, there's a moment

when she put it in, I came,

and, fellas, I can't describe

what it felt like,

but I looked like that thing

in front of

the f***ing car wash.

You know what I'm talking about?

Have you ever stuck your finger

so far in someone's ass,

you have no idea what body part

you're touching anymore?

You guys, yes, you're like,

"Is this her vertebrae?

"What the f*** is this?"

And then you realize

you're playing with, like,

an undeveloped piece of sh*t

for 20 seconds.

You pull it out,

it looked like you just

f***ing finished Tough Mudder.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, shut up, AVN,

you dirty fucks.

You love this sh*t.

We got Best Anal tonight.

Who's nominated for that?

Up front, beautiful Asian girl

right up front,

like your whole life in school,

hell yeah, I like that.

What's your name, beautiful?

What's your name?

- Vicki Chase.

- Vicki Chase,

- you look beautiful.

- Thank you very much.

- Absolutely beautiful.

- Thank you.

But a lot of Asian girls,

they're quiet in bed.

I know you're not, but a lot

of Asian girls

When I have sex

with an Asian girl,

sometimes I feel like

I'm f***ing a Prius.

They're so f***ing quiet.

Have you ever made

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