Best in Sex: 2017 AVN Awards Page #8

- Go hard or go home, right?

Right?

I have one thing to say,

and this is it.

Adriana Chechik had been skunked

for a couple years now,

and I'm so f***ing stoked

- that she won that award.

- I agree.

110%, Female Performer

of the Year, hands down,

- I completely agree.

- hands down.

I think she's been deserving it

for a long time.

Embarrassingly bawled

my eyes out

crying when I was nominated,

so that was enough for me.

Um, I didn't think I went

any harder than the other girls

- or, you know...

- You know, this next year

is gonna be full of lots of sex,

and we're gonna see

what's gonna happen, so...

Nominees for next year.

We have an old saying

in our industry.

"You can't judge a book

by its cover,

but you can definitely judge

a porn by one."

My name is Kelly Mannelle,

and I'm the industry leader

in adult film front art,

or AFFA.

This isn't just a collection

of chicks, d*cks, and tits.

Every image was carefully

crafted to convey

the essence of the film.

If you get a chance,

take a look

at "Stepmom Sluts 87"

versus "Stepmom Sluts 88."

You'll be able to tell

which one I was assigned to

and which one was outsourced

to Canada.

"Ooh, I know 'bout sexy, eh?"

That was my Canadian accent.

What's in a name?

I'll tell you what's in a name.

F***ing everything.

Now there it is.

"Linger All Over My Prick."

The first thing an adult film

needs is a title.

If you have a good title,

you don't need anything else.

Well, except talent and cameras.

A great title should seem fun

and use words

that don't normally go together

to jump start a person's

erotic secret brain,

or ESB, as I call it.

This is my word wall.

I just start combining words

and see what happens.

Let's try right now.

"My Wonderful Prick."

That is a fairly decent title,

but I'm pretty sure

I can do better.

"All Night Face F***ing."

It gets your mind thinking,

"Hmm, how much face f***ing

"could I do in a night?"

And if you just wanna get to

the point, "Stroke, Goddamn It!"

My ESB is ready to RSVP.

Yes.

It's me, Patrick.

Wait, you probably thought that

I was gonna get out the game

after my last gig, didn't you?

That's right, b*tches.

I started my own

production company.

It's called Flesh Buffet.

All our movies involve

food and f***ing.

Sex and food, I don't give

a f*** what you call it.

You can call it "Ketchup

and Hot Doggy Style,"

"Cock Meat Sandwich 7."

Do your f***ing job!

This is what I need you to do.

Mm-hmm.

Take these

two pieces of bread...

- Okay.

- And make a titty sandwich.

You want me to make

a titty sandwich?

- Um, is this right?

- Yes, yeah, that's right.

- So good. Oh, my God.

- It's just bread.

I like to think I took

all the lessons I learned

on my way to the top

to be the best boss I can be.

We're the fastest growing

company in the Valley.

No, no, no, everybody knows,

at Flesh Buffet,

we don't use green apples.

We only use red apples, okay?

This is blasphemy.

Let's get these out of here.

Tighter, tighter, tighter.

- You don't think this is weird?

- Tighter.

- Um...

- Oh, that's such a good sandwich.

Okay, you got the job.

- Oh.

- You got it. You got the part. You got the part.

Hey, be careful

with that f***ing bread.

- I got a couple more girls coming in, yeah.

- Okay. Yes.

Thank you. This-this has been

a really weird day.

Yeah.

Oh, let's see, hold on.

- Hello?

- Inside the Industry.

Oh, f***!

AVN salutes the heroes

of the adult film world.

Jenna Sativa!

Oh, my God!

Thank you, thank you

so much, AVN,

for this recognition.

It means the world to me.

Thank you so much!

- And the winner is Abella!

- Abella!

Thank you, Hard X.

You guys give me

the best orgasms.

You don't understand.

- Thank you, AVN.

- Thank you, AVN, yes.

Thank you, Derek.

Thank you, everybody!

Phoenix Marie

and Katrina Jade, thank you

for f***ing filming with me

and accepting me for who I am.

I love you.

Mick Blue!

Every single man in this

category deserves this prize

every year because we bring

the hard dick on the table.

"The Preacher's Daughter"!

We're forgetting who fought

that battle at Prop 60.

Eric Paul, lawyer,

by all means,

stand up and take a f***ing bow.

The winner is...

Greg Lansky!

Whoo!

Art is what you do

when you truly feel alive.

That's what you guys do.

You guys are artists.

Do not let them shame you.

They do not define what we do.

We define what we do!

Here to present

the final award of the night

are Adriana Chechik, Venus Lux,

and Seth Gamble.

The great thing

about our final category

of the evening

is that if you're nominated

for Movie of the Year,

you've already won

an AVN tonight.

I can never tell

if the applause at this point

in the show is because

we're giving out a huge award

or because the after parties

will be starting soon.

Either way, let's not keep

anyone waiting.

Here are the nominees

for Movie of the Year.

And the winner is...

- "Suicide Squad XXX."

- "Suicide Squad XXX,"

- an Axel Braun Parody.

- Yay!

Wow.

Third year in a row that

a parody wins Movie of the Year.

I remember four years ago,

somebody told me

parodies were dead.

I think they're alive and well.

Um, look, you don't get to be

up here without standing

on the shoulders

of a mountain of people,

and on top of that mountain

is a man who I really love

and respect who has graced me

with his friendship

and his guidance.

Thank you, Steve Orenstein.

- This is for you.

- Whoo!

And thank you, AVN.

Ladies and gentlemen,

one more time, Flo Rida!

AVN, let's go.

I gotta ask

where you been hiding

Hey

You're like

a 20 carat diamond

- Yeah

- Diamond

The finer things in life

are shining

Come on

How 'bout that latenight

wine and dining

- Let's go

- Dining

Yeah, you want

that expensive clutch

And I'm a give

that fivestar experience

Yeah

- Show you the kind of love

- Let's go

That you can only get

when you...

- AVN Awards, come on!

- give enough

I'll spend it all on you,

baby, baby, just watch

A BMW, a Bugatti,

thick rock, yeah

Get you a fancy yacht

any chance I got

When I become a zillionaire

I'll spend it all on shoes

for you, take your own pick

McQueen or Jimmy Choo,

and I'll get 'em real quick

Get you a fancy yacht

any chance I got

When I become a zillionaire

That was perfect

- I'm gonna work it to impress you

- Hey

Get you that dress

and then undress you

- Yeah

- Hey, hey

And we'll do things

only the best do

- The best do

- Hey

Do what you want

because I'll let you

- I'll let you

- Hey, hey

- Check it out

- Come on

You want

that expensive clutch

And I'm a give

that fivestar experience

- Come on

- Yeah

- Show you the kind of love

- Hey, hey

That you can only get

when you give...

- AVN, let's go!

- enough

I'll spend it all on you,

baby, baby, just watch

A BMW, a Bugatti,

thick rock, yeah

Get you a fancy yacht

any chance I got

- When I become a zillionaire

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes