Best in Show

I imagine the bestplace to start

is at the beginning.

Meg.

Why are you here?

Beatrice has...

...been showing signs of depression.

She's also been very, very angry

with us.

Ever since she saw us having sex.

When you were having sex, was it

different or unusual in any way?

We got a book. Kama Sutra.

I lit some candles...

...and played some music.

And got myself in a position

that wasn't...

...very easy for me, emotionally.

It's called the Congress of the Cow...

...where...

...the woman is bent over, the hands

are on the floor, the man is behind.

What did she do when she saw you?

She just stood there staring at us.

-She didn't say anything?

-Didn't say a word.

What would you like to say

to Beatrice right now?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had

to see that.

Beatrice, can you look at us?

Come on, honey, Mommy and Daddy

are over here.

Champions into the ring.

Thank you. Right on around.

Just trot him straight away

and back, please.

They couldn't have ordered up a

nicer day, I'll say that for them.

I woke up, I was so glad.

Would everybody please

fill in to line?

Leads up. Let's take them all around.

Best of Breed. Best of Winners.

Best Opposite.

Yes!

Super.

I like to think that Cookie and I

work as a team.

Although I do nothing.

She does all the work with Winky.

Well, the fiirst time we met

was at this...

...big dance.

And I just thought she was the

prettiest thing...

...that I'd ever seen.

And she was there with somebody else.

She was very popular back then.

She had dozens of boyfriends.

Hundreds.

Hundreds?

Yeah, hundreds.

I did not know that!

Hundreds.

Well, not that I didn't have

a reputation myself...

...because, you know,

I was considered...

...by "some" to be quite

the Casanova, myself.

Back at Ponce de Leon Junior High.

But we started dancing....

He didn't want to dance!

-I didn't want to dance because--

-I said, "Get up, Gerry."

I kept saying, "No, I can't dance.

I've got two left feet!

I've got two left feet!"

I thought he was kidding.

But I wasn't.

I was born...

...with two left feet.

And they had a nickname for me.

They used to call me Loopy...

...because, you know,

I would walk in little loops.

I kept going in circles.

And then with some therapy

I learned...

...how to walk a straight line.

And dance.

-And dance!

-And dance.

Oh, man, you got moves better

than Winky, I think.

My great-grandfather Millbank,

in 1875...

...began the Mayflower IKennel Club

and Dog Show.

It started small.

He operated out of this

house we're in...

...this beautiful building,

and this lovely room...

...which grew and grew, and of course,

nobody lives here anymore.

But, it's our...

...it's our place.

And then my grandfather continued

the tradition...

...and really, I think what we're

talking about is standards...

...very, very specific, rigid,

you could say...

...but in this world...

...where would we be without them,

I think.

And notice where we are.

We've got some real standards...

...and in Jessica's case,

we have a bite standard...

...but we don't have

a number of teeth standard.

The breeds do differ in that,

but they're very strict...

...and they're very, very pure.

And, that.... Oh, yes?

Did you hear that?

Did you hear what I said?

I think she--

I think you heard what I said.

You were listening to me.

Now, when somebody comes in here...

...your average tourist,

fisherperson, right?

They want to know, "Where do I go?"

What you do is sell them this map...

...and all these different flies.

You take the map.

You take your best places...

...and you take the best fly for

the place, put it right on the map.

Then you'd sell them the map.

Now they know where to go.

We pick out the pattern for you.

It could be a Disco Midge,

it could be a Beadhead...

...it could be a Parachute Adams,

whatever it is.

He doesn't have to think, "Oh."

Aside from fishing...

...dogs have always been a big thing

in my family.

My father was a Coonhound man.

He had Red Bones...

...and his brother had a Blue Tick,

and his brother had a Plott Hound...

...and some other

members of the family...

...they had Steven's stock

and some Cataloona Hounds.

And my brother Otto also had

a Red Bone.

We'd fight all the time.

He'd say, "I'm a Red Bone man!"

I used to say, "I'm a Bloodhound man!"

The Bloodhound, of all the breeds, is

just such a noble, loyal, perfect dog.

You can't find a better dog...

...on the whole planet Earth.

And I would guess that even

if one day...

...they land on some other planet

in Venus or Mars, whatever...

...you couldn't find a better dog.

And Hubert is the best Hound

I've ever had.

I've had probably 10 or 1 5.

He is not only a great show dog,

but he could be a great man-trail dog.

If the police came and said,

"I need a great Bloodhound"...

...he would be the one to take out.

Because if there was some kind of

convict loose, God forbid...

...he would be the one to find him.

We got all fresh cuts today,

top-loin...

...porterhouse, T-bone, blade,

ball-tip, tri-tip, chuck.

-We got everything.

-So, basically, you know, meat.

-Got a lot of meat.

-Oh, good.

Now, Tyrone...

...liked those kidneys.

How about a half-pound?

Not the kidneys.

I don't want to pull the membranes.

I'll take care of the membranes.

-You could pull it off.

-Stop it.

A half-pound of the salmon,

half-pound of the kidneys.

Do me a favor. Just get one of

those pepperoni sticks out.

-I just want to hold it.

-Will you stop it? You are so bad.

I had been a hairdresser

about 14 years...

...and I went to a show,

and I saw his nibs here...

...having his way with a Borzoi.

Just trotting around that ring like he

was born to it, and he was.

I asked my ex-wife, I said, "Who's

that?" She says, "That's Scott.

He shows a good dog."

I've never seen anyone as light

on his feet--

-Light in the loafers. Say it.

-No, no, no!

-Stop. No.

-Wait until I tell Mom!

It's just he and the Borzoi seemed to

have the same prance, the same....

It was like they were two members

of the same body, you might say.

And it was a wonderful thing.

I knew a guy who had two members

on the same body.

-I dated him.

-In your dreams.

Got so exhausted.... Go on.

I'm sorry. You were telling a story.

No, and I asked Deb, I said,

"Who's that?" She said:

"That's Scott, and he cuts hair,

he grooms dogs...

...and he shows dogs,

and he's a genius."

-Then I was, like, wild man on campus.

-Club scene. Mr. Club Scene here.

On Friday night, I'd have 3 Saturday

nights, then go home and wake up.

My, God, what a thrill.

Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Anyway, so we get together,

we see several movies...

-...we like the same stuff.

-Before you know it....

-It's the all-American love story.

-It sure is.

Writ large.

On the marquee, big letters: "Us."

We've been together

fiive years.

We have an amazing relationship,

and it's very physical.

I mean, he still pushes

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