Best Laid Plans Page #4

Yeah, you too.

Bye.

(Danny) Take care.

Right, see you later. I'll give you a ring.

- (Lisa) Bye.

- (Danny) Ta-ta.

(Door closes)

(Danny) He's asleep.

- Joseph.

- No, don't wake him.

(Joseph snoring)

- Do you want a cup of tea?

- Uh, we're not stopping.

We just came to ask if you and Joseph

would like to come for dinner?

Dinner?

I'll have to check me diary.

What are you doin'?

There.

- (Marianne) Has Joseph had an accident?

- What?

Yeah. Yeah, he bumped himself.

How?

- Has he been to the hospital?

- He doesn't like hospitals.

- (Marianne) Did you do it?

- Eh?

- We're concerned for him.

- Concerned?

You don't even know him.

Look, love, I take good care of Joseph,

and I don't get a penny for it,

you know, from anyone!

No carers allowance, no social services.

Nothing!

Maybe I could help you

apply for carers allowance.

I had a dream.

What about?

Camper van.

- Don't like shopping.

- Well, neither do I.

But I'm not having you turn up to

their house looking like a tramp.

- (Joseph) Do you love her?

- Who?

- Lisa.

- No.

Why?

Because I don't even hardly know her.

Love Isabel.

Going to marry her.

Two mongs don't make a right.

(Danny) Joseph?

You look fantastic.

Handsome.

You look good.

Don't like tie.

(Doorbell ringing)

- Hello.

- Evening, Roger.

Come in.

(Roger) Joseph.

- (Door closing)

- Go through.

- Are you OK?

- Fine, thanks, love.

- Can I go in your toilet, please?

- Yeah, yeah. It's upstairs on the left.

(Danny) What do you do, Roger?

I'm a chartered accountant.

And... How about you, Marianne?

Oh, I'm a full-time carer for Isabel.

I used to be a social worker.

- Social worker?

- Hmm.

Now it makes sense.

Meaning?

Oh, just... You know...

You said you'll help me

claim some money for looking after Joseph.

Maybe another time.

When I'm sober?

(Clears throat)

- How's the fishing at this time of year?

- It's great.

Nothing I like better

than getting my rod out.

- Can I use your bathroom again, please?

- Yeah.

Hmm.

(Coughs)

(Danny, softly) F***!

(Clears throat)

OK, Danny, it's time for you to leave.

I haven't finished my soup yet.

It's a good job

that Joseph can look after himself.

What sort of role model are you?

- Come on. I'll show you out.

- All right!

It's the same f***in' way

I came in, isn't it?

All right. We know where we're not wanted,

where we don't fit in.

Come on. Let's go, Joseph.

Joseph, come on, lad.

Can he stay?

(Danny) Yeah, he can stay.

He can stay here forever for all I care.

Look at yous.

It's like two peas in a f***in' pod!

Don't you ever touch me again!

(Door opening)

(Door closing)

(Sobbing)

(Door opening)

(Door closing)

Have a nice time, did you? Eh?

Go on, get to bed.

Remember, you've got a big day tomorrow.

(Door closing)

(Softly) I'm sorry.

You... I'm sorry.

(Crowd cheering)

(Crowd urging)

- (Grunts)

- (Groans)

Come on!

(Grunting)

(Panting)

(Crowd) Joseph! Joseph! Joseph! Joseph!

(Sobbing)

The beast.

It cries.

(Danny inhales sharply)

(Coughs)

F***in' hell, Joseph.

Want money.

OK.

More.

Guess who.

(Laughing) Isabel!

(Screaming)

(Laughing)

- For me?

- Yeah.

They're beautiful.

So are you.

(Isabel giggling)

(Moaning)

Yeah, you b*tch! Yeah, you b*tch!

Getting the hang of this, aren't you?

(Moaning)

Kiss me. Kiss me.

I don't do kissing.

Kiss me.

I'll give you more money.

F*** off.

I need to go.

What's the rush?

We've got the place to ourselves.

- We're not sweethearts.

- Stay.

(Isabel moans softly)

That's nice.

(Both moaning softly)

Yeah, b*tch!

- Yeah.

- Joseph, no! Stop! No! No!

Joseph, no! Stop, Joseph!

Joseph, no!

Joseph, no, no, no, no! Joseph, stop!

(Exclaiming)

(Clattering)

No.

- Joseph?

- No.

No.

Joseph.

I'll kill him. I'll f***ing kill him.

I'll murder him.

I will, I'll f***ing kill him.

- Is she all right?

- Her wrists are bruised, but...

Apart from that, she's OK.

I never thought he'd do anything like this.

Honestly. I never.

Are you going to phone the police?

No.

No?

Isabel tells me

that Joseph didn't really mean to hurt her.

I think they just got a bit carried away.

Perhaps, they need to be chaperoned.

I hope you're not includin' me

in this chaperone plan.

- I think we all have a responsibility.

- Yeah. To put a stop to it, we do.

I just want what's best for her.

Setting your sights pretty low, aren't you?

We're not gonna be around forever,

and by the look of it, you're not either.

In time, they could live without us.

With the right support.

(Panting)

(Sobbing)

(Water lapping)

(Knock at door)

Knickers and keys.

- Eh?

- Well, you can keep the knickers,

but I really need the keys.

Come on in.

Come in.

(Keys jingling)

(Danny) I can't find your knickers.

You sure about that?

Honest.

I can't find 'em.

Cheers.

Listen.

Do you

fancy going for a drink or something

sometime?

Why?

Because I remind you of your mother?

(Chuckles)

(Danny, chuckles) No.

Not at all.

Hi, Joseph.

He's not been too well,

he's a bit under the weather.

Come on, man, get it. Come in.

- I'll... I'll have to see to him anyway.

- Yeah. Yeah.

All right. All right, thanks.

- Look, I'll give you a call or something.

- OK.

- Cool.

- All right, love.

(Danny and Lisa talking indistinctly)

- (Danny) Good night. All right. Take care.

- Bye.

You've really f***ed up now, haven't you?

I've had her dad round

here all f***in' night.

Going on about what you've done

to his daughter!

Didn't mean it.

Well, the good news is

you're not going to go to prison.

Joseph say sorry.

That's the bad news,

you can't go anywhere near Isabel.

She told the police to tell you

to stay away from her.

- (Sobbing)

- All right, so you can't go near her.

- I'll say sorry.

- Joseph, do you want to go to prison?

- (Sternly) Eh?

- No.

Well, you have to stay away from Isabel.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

OK.

(Sobbing)

(Men talking indistinctly)

(Curtis) I don't have a fighter,

that's the f***in' problem.

O'Malley should've been here an hour ago.

I don't care where he is, just find him.

Now!

Do we have a problem?

What about that cage fighter boy?

What's his name, Luke something...

He's in a body cast.

He's in a body cast?

F***!

We have a replacement.

(Dog barking)

(Danny) Are you f***ing serious?

He's not fighting a f***in' dog, Curtis!

- Huh?

- He's not fighting a f***in' dog!

You know what? You're becoming a pest.

- Get him out of here.

- Oh, f*** off!

(Clamouring)

Joseph, don't you get in that f***in' ring!

Don't you dare get in that f***in' ring!

F*** off, Curtis. You're f***in' mental!

Joseph, don't you get in that f***in' ring!

F*** off!

(Curtis) O'Malley, where the f***

have you been?

You'll f***in' kill him, man!

(Dogs barking)

(Curtis) Let the people decide

what's it to be.

Mr O'Malley, King of the Gypsies.

Or the little puppy dog?

(Crowd) Dog!

(Danny) F*** off, you pair of twats!

(Shouting)

Open the f***in' door!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes