Best Laid Plans Page #3

Remember. Keep your hands up.

- Keep your hands up, yeah?

- How many?

How many fights does he gotta have?

I need to know.

Well, he... He needs to know.

Until your debt is paid.

- Tell him three.

- Three?

No. Four.

It was three

until you started adding to your debt.

(People laughing)

(Talking indistinctly)

(Danny) I need another sub.

(Scoffs)

(Cork popping)

Oh! Charming. Glad you could make it.

Very impressive little setup

you got here, Curtis.

Or at least it will be when it's finished.

(Exhaling)

(People talking indistinctly)

(Crowd booing)

Keep your hands up, all right?

As soon as you get in here

keep your hands up.

- What are you gonna do?

- Keep my hands up.

What are you gonna do? Keep your hands up.

- Let me see them.

- Keep my hands up.

That's it, keep them up now. Come on.

- Hey, do you want your little...

- F*** off!

- (Crowd shouting)

- Keep your hands up.

- Keep your hands up.

- Remember what I just told you!

Keep your hands up!

- Come here.

- That's it, good lad! Keep them up!

No biting, no gouging,

- and no...

- (Grunting)

F***in' bastard! What's that?

Joseph, keep your hands up!

Keep your hands up!

Stop! Stop it! Stop!

- Keep your hands up!

- Come on!

What's he doing?

- Danny!

- Keep your hands up!

Joseph, keep your hands up!

Joseph, keep your f***in' hands up!

(Laughing)

(Joseph groaning)

F*** off!

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

(Joseph) No!

Danny!

Now! Now!

Hit him! Hit him!

F***in' hit him! Hit him now!

F***in' hit him! Hit him! F***in' hit him!

Go on, hit him!

Hit him! Hit him!

F***in' hit him! Hit him!

(Danny continues shouting)

Hit him!

It's all right. It's all right. It's OK.

- Oh, Danny.

- Yeah. It's finished now.

It's finished now. You've done it.

I'll get you something to eat.

Well done there, Curtis.

(Men chanting for Joseph)

Back in a second.

- No!

- We'll get out of here now.

- I'll get you some fish and chips, yeah?

- Don't go.

Danny.

You were right, weren't you?

A bit of bulk does come in handy.

(Joseph sobbing)

(Joseph) Isabel.

Want Isabel.

OK. OK. A little later.

- Now, Danny.

- Yeah.

- (Man) Oi, oi.

- F***in' hell!

You frightened the life out of me.

Sorted.

No. It's 120 for an eighth.

F***in' hell.

Here you are.

Happy Christmas.

(Closes door)

This'll take the pain away.

Money.

Do you want a beer?

(Bad Boy in Dirty Jeans playing)

# This isn't vanity

# It's just a general

interest in myself

# This isn't jealousy

# I just don't want to see you

with nobody else

# It seems the birds and bees

# Don't have the answer here

# Installs a sense of fear

# She should know by now #

- Now?

- No, it's too late, man.

Isabel now?

It's 12:
00, her mum and dad will go mad.

We'll go tomorrow.

- You promised.

- We're having a party.

F***ing quilt.

Have another beer.

- Promised.

- Tomorrow. We'll go tomorrow.

Come on, get that down you. Go on.

Yeah, just one more. After one more,

you'll be OK.

(Laughs)

You look like you've pissed yourself.

- Didn't.

- F***in' hell.

Where you going?

- Where you going?

- I'm having a sh*t!

Sh*t.

(Mobile phone ringing)

Hello?

Come on, baby.

Don't be shy.

(Snoring)

(Song ends)

(Both exclaiming)

(Isabel laughing)

(Joseph) No. It's not funny.

- Catch another one.

- What's all the f***ing noise?

Hello, Danny.

All them yours?

Mine and Isabel's.

(Both chuckling)

Sh*t.

"Sh*t."

(Both giggling)

Shite!

(Both giggling)

(Joseph) Plop.

Poo!

Crap!

(Isabel) Cack!

(Both giggling)

Dung!

Turd!

(Joseph blows raspberry)

(Both laughing)

Funny one.

(Knocking at door)

F*** off.

(Knocking continues)

Just put it under the door.

(Knocking continues)

F*** off!

Sorry about that.

You just caught me at a bad time.

You get a lot of weirdoes around here.

Thank you.

(Marianne) It must be difficult for you.

Looking after Joseph.

It has its moments.

- Biscuit?

- Oh, not for me, thank you.

Uh... No, thanks.

Isabel and Joseph seem

to be hitting it off.

- And you want to put a stop to that?

- No. No. On the contrary.

The fact of the matter is

we're not getting any younger.

We're not always going to be there

for Isabel and...

Our biggest concern is that they might

attract the wrong kind of attention.

Given that they're both...

What is wrong with her,

if you don't mind me asking?

When Isabel was born, there were

complications with her oxygen supply.

She suffered slight brain damage.

Look, it's early days,

but we want to make sure that

their time together is something special.

Precious.

(Isabel chuckles)

(Joseph stutters hesitantly)

(Exclaiming softly)

(Both laughing)

(Spin playing)

(Coughs)

# Let me paint this picture

# Hidden deep inside your brain

# Let me paint this picture

# And I'll help you pick your fate

(Phone ringing)

(Lisa) Hi.

# Head keeps spinnin',

my head keeps spinnin'

# Head keeps spinnin' #

(Knock at door)

(Coughs)

- All right.

- Hiya.

Do you want to come in?

Unless you wanna do it on the doorstep.

- Do you want a drink?

- No, I'm all right. Thanks.

- Beer?

- No. I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah.

- Do you mind if I have one?

- No, go for it.

(Opens can)

Nice place.

- Oh, f*** off.

- It's all right, yeah.

It's a bit different, eh?

- I love these old buildings.

- We're expanding, you see.

Oh, I see, yeah. Yeah.

That fella's coming from, what is it,

that Channel 4 thing.

- Yeah, yeah. I know. I know.

- You know what I mean.

The posh fella on Channel 4.

So you got a grand scheme for this.

Grand Designs, that's it.

He's been round here.

We're just in the process

of getting it all finished now.

So, where's the bedroom?

Just through there.

(Joseph and Isabel talking)

(Joseph groaning)

Joseph.

(Both gasp softly)

(Danny moans softly)

Sorry about that.

(Plucks condom)

Do you want a line of Charlie?

Yeah. Go on then.

I love that film.

(Imitating Al Pacino)

"Say hello to my little friend."

I thought I just did.

You up for havin' another go?

- Don't take the piss.

- I'm only saying.

- Time is money.

- Yeah, and I'm paying you, aren't I?

I think he's dead, love.

- Behave yourself, will you?

- Or what?

Little dick.

(Lisa moaning softly)

(Danny grunting)

(Lisa moaning)

Come on. You like that?

Yeah. Yeah, you b*tch.

Come on, you b*tch! Yeah, you b*tch!

Come on, you b*tch.

Yeah. Yeah, you b*tch.

Come on, you b*tch. Come on.

You like that? Yeah. Yeah, you b*tch.

Yeah, you b*tch. Yeah, you b*tch!

- Go ahead. Go ahead.

- Jesus f***in' Christ!

Joseph! Joseph, get out!

Joseph go away, get out of it. Move!

- What the f*** was that about?

- It's all right, it's all right.

Joseph! Joseph!

Joseph.

How many fish did you catch, Joseph?

- Seven.

- Seven? Wow!

That's loads, innit? Loads of fish.

Joseph's been fishing, Lisa. This is Lisa.

She's my girlfriend.

Can I borrow a few quid for a taxi?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. Here you go.

Thanks. All right.

Right. Well, nice to see you again.

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