Better Living Through Chemistry Page #7

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Mr Varney? Mr Varney?

Good morning...

Everyone.

- Good morning, Mr Varney.

- Good morning, Mr Varney.

Class, Mr Varney

is gonna tell us all about

being a pharmacist.

You're bleeding.

Huh?

- You're bleeding.

- No, I'm not.

- Ew!

- Douglas Varney.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- You are under arrest.

Wait a minute. What are

you talking about?

Ahh!

Take it easy.

Hey.

Whoa. Whoa.

Jeez! Not in front of my kid.

You have the right

to remain silent.

Anything you say

can and will be used against

you in a court of law.

Do you understand me or not?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

Let's give a big round of applause

for Christopher's father.

Officer Willits!

Great stuff, man!

All right! All right! All right.

Now, being a police officer is

about more than kicking ass,

car chases and guns.

Yeah!

All right. It's about protecting

and serving your community.

It's about making sure that Woodbury

is a safe place for you all

to work and play. It...

Oh!

Oh, excuse me one second, please.

Joke's on me.

One more time please, with that.

I'm gonna have to ask

you to come with me.

All right. All right.

We're gonna take a walk.

I didn't know what to say.

I was with my son.

Mr Varney.

Can we lose the cuffs, please?

Give us a minute, all right?

Now listen, none of this should

come as a surprise to you

given the inconsistent state

of affairs around here, okay?

With a paper trail as long as this

one, this was bound to happen.

This is usually how

these things work out.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't apologise.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

No, no apology necessary.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's okay, Doug.

I didn't mean to do anything.

It's all right. It's all over now.

It's okay.

What, what, what are

they doing here?

Well now, Doug, they're

here to take away the body.

What do you mean, body?

What do you mean?

Well, you know...

- How the f***?

- He probably...

How the f*** did he get

here from his house?

Doug, listen. He panicked, okay?

Being as how there weren't

any doctor's offices nearby,

he did the next best

thing he could.

He came here, okay? So

this is where he expired.

Are you okay, Doug? Are you okay?

Hey, Mr Varney, you

cannot go back there.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

Mr Varney, no, no, no, no, no.

What the f***?

What the f***?

Now listen, he was no angel, okay?

Poor kid, he really got in

over his head with this one.

With what?

Well, with pilfering. You know?

Pill skimming.

You know? A couple here, two more

there, a couple three more there.

That sort of thing adds up in

a hurry, sometimes too quick.

You know, you don't know this,

but there's a real cottage industry out

here in the burbs for this kind of thing.

Noah was a resourceful criminal, but he

forgot the first rule of the drug game.

Don't get high on your own supply.

It's a shame.

Good-looking kid.

Great head of hair.

So that's... So that's it, then?

I have some paperwork for you

to sign, but then we're done.

Listen, Mr Varney.

Doug, I know that

this is rough, okay?

Quite a shock, but there's nothing that

you could have done to stop it, okay?

Hey, from the looks of things, you ought

to prescribe yourself a little something.

Hey, that is not

appropriate, Officer.

Local cops, right?

He's right, though,

Mr Varney. Go ahead.

It'll be our little secret.

You take care, now.

Agent Carp, Agent Carp.

- I'll be right back, Doug.

- I need to... I need to talk to you.

I need to...

Hello! Anybody here?

I need some aspirin!

Hey!

My drinking buddy!

You're not supposed to be here.

He's right.

- I'm gonna have to ask you to clear out.

- No, it's all right.

You...

Last night after we had the drinks at the

bar, I took the... I took the party home

by myself and I drank a half

a bottle of Black Label.

I passed out cold right

there on the chair.

My head's killing me.

Do you have...

Huh? Oh! Yeah.

Thanks. Okay.

I should probably...

Should pick up a prescription.

My prescriptions because the delivery

guy never made it up to the house.

All... A lot of orders

got screwed up.

I'll fill it out and have someone

run it over to you later.

- What do I owe you?

- Call it even.

For the drinks.

All right. Good seeing

you, Doug. Thanks.

Hey, is everything else okay?

What do you mean?

Well, you know, with your wife,

what you were telling me at the bar.

Oh...

I don't know. She left me.

She left? And she's

not coming back?

I don't know. She even

turned off her cell phone.

I think this time she

really means it.

All right, Doug. Thanks.

Doug?

You wanted to talk to me?

Yeah, I just wanted to say

thanks for all your help.

- Sure thing.

- You're good.

Thanks. You're good, too.

We all do our part to

keep the world turning.

You take care of

yourself now, Doug.

Hell of a day, huh, Varney?

F***.

Okay.

Hello?

Hey, baby.

Elizabeth, where the...

- You didn't answer your calls.

- Yeah,

that was the plan,

remember? No calls.

Yeah, well, the plan has

changed. Jack isn't dead.

Jack isn't dead.

What?

There was a screw-up with

the deliveries and Noah...

It's complicated.

I can't get into it.

Elizabeth?

Bonnie and Clyde, we are not.

It's not too late, though, right?

I mean,

we could still go away.

We could just... We could go away.

I have a kid, Elizabeth.

I can't leave.

God.

I was worried sick.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I meant this.

Oh.

You were right. I guess

I've just been a little bit

caught up in, you know,

Ethan's drama and the studio.

But you're home now.

So that's what's important.

Kara, that letter wasn't

me asking you to change.

It was me telling you

that I'm leaving.

Whoo! Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about! Yes!

You made it. All right.

Congratulations.

Good morning, Doug.

I brought you some coffee

just the way you like it.

Oh, no, thanks, Walt. I'm off

caffeine. I appreciate it, though.

Oh.

You know, it's funny. I don't hate it

nearly as much as I thought I would.

That's funny.

I don't really give a sh*t.

Like I said, things don't

change much in Woodbury,

but every now and then,

we need to be reminded

that change can be good.

The pharmacy had a whole new look,

and I wanted to see it for myself.

Ma'am, are you finding

everything all right?

Yes. Yes, I am.

And may I say this pharmacy

has the most impressive collection

of douches I have ever seen.

Well, thank you.

High blood pressure, acid reflux,

chlamydia.

Never would have guessed.

No one ever does.

Excuse me.

Oh, hey.

I thought you were out of town.

I had to come back to sign some

papers. You know, make it final.

And I had a few things I absolutely

needed to pick up from the pharmacy.

Just to complete the collection

for the kingdom.

So, are you in town long or...

No, I leave tonight for

Madrid, and then Paris

and then I don't really

know. I'm not sure.

I don't care, as long as I don't

understand the menu, you know?

Well, hey, that sounds great.

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