Better Off Dead... Page #5

All I want is to come to the States

and see Dodger Stadium.

Now all I see is that... that face

in my door every time I move.

Dodgers, huh? I notice

you have a pretty good pitching arm.

What else is there that is

of interest in the States...

but the Brooklyn Dodgers?

I don't know.

You might find a nice friend.

You do have friends in France?

You know... friend.

Friend.

- Then you will not tell?

- That you're a Dodgers fan?

No. That I speak English.

- Cross my heart and hope to die.

- Do you?

Not at the moment.

What are you doin' out here?

Do you know what time it is?

Get in here before

you catch your death.

Jesus.

You are my friend. Good night.

Good luck.

Is that Myer boy bothering you?

Little Ricky's been lookin'

all over for you.

We've been worried sick.

Damn.

Hello? Hello?

No, thanks. I already had breakfast.

What are you doing to my car?

What are you doing to my Camaro?

Monique, what are you doing

to my car? It's already screwed up.

- "Screwed up"?

- Yeah. Very.

You got my car running! You brought

my car back from the dead.

- From the dead?

- Yeah.

- Not entirely.

- Can you put that back in?

Together? Where it goes?

If I cannot,

I am sure you will.

I have a great fear of tools. I once

made a birdhouse in wood shop...

and the Fair Housing Committee

condemned it.

"I cannot do it"

is your middle name.

Come. Help me push this

into the garage.

I think you're kind of remarkable.

How'd you learn to do all this?

Some things are not that hard

to understand, Lane.

Like you, for instance. You think of

these ways of killing yourself...

yet you never do it.

- Why is this?

- Isn't that kind of personal?

But I told you the sordid details

of my intimate sex life with Ricky.

I just figured you could

explain this dramatic death wish.

I used to go out

with this girl named Beth.

I really thought I loved her,

and she dumped me.

And I guess I thought I couldn't

live without her or something.

You would die to get the attention

of this woman?

You know, Lane, there are better

ways of getting attention.

Yeah. When she dumped me, she

dumped me for this real slimebag...

a guy named Stalin.

I race Stalin tomorrow. Oh, my God.

I have to get to a cave right now.

No. This is what I speak of.

This is good way of getting

this attention, when we beat him.

- Beat him? I can't beat him.

- Yes!

I think all you need

is a small taste of success.

You will find it suits you.

Step up.

One minute.

Voil.

Hold that thought.

I got these for Christmas.

Bon apptit.

Monique, I just wanted

to thank you for everything.

Merci buckets.

Wait. I forgot

the most important thing.

Look at this! How am I supposed

to live through this?

All you've got to do

is go that way really fast.

If something gets

in your way, turn.

Watch. It's no sweat.

Now you!

Hell, if you can do it...

Lane, are you all right?

You're mad about me, aren't you?

I'm okay, really. Nothing's broken.

It's just a little... Thank you.

I'm telling you, practically everybody

in the state of Northern California...

is around this particular mountain

waiting to see one Lane Myer...

tackle this totally

untamed slope, dead or alive.

So get the lead out.

That is all.

- Well, I guess this is it.

- Please hurry.

We have unfinished business.

Do not forget.

- Language lessons.

- You gonna teach me French?

The international language.

Kick his ass.

Sh*t!

I want my two dollars!

Oh, my God.

Two dollars!

- I want my two dollars!

- Of course the guy chickened out.

He's just a geek. Listen,

the wet wimp ain't gonna show up.

Of course not. So what do you

want us to do? Pack it up?

I tell you what. While I'm up here,

might as well break one more record.

- We'll set the synchros for ya.

- Ten-four.

Spencer, we're gonna

send Roy down alone.

- Looks like Myer is not gonna show.

- Count me down.

- Myer, you don't know when to quit.

- Myer's on the hill!

- Two dollars!

- Go!

Go!

- He's skiing on one ski!

- What?

Two dollars! Two dollars!

- There's something following them.

- What?

Two dollars!

I want my two dollars!

- I want my two dollars!

- Not now.

Two dollars!

Get out of here! Get lost! Get

out of here. Take a hike, brat.

Two dollars.

They're coming

out of the woods!

Come on, little buckaroo!

Come on!

You fiend! Man, you're

the hottest thing since sunburn!

- Nice try.

- Get lost.

Lane, you really are the best.

- We've been worried about you.

- What are you doing up here?

Do you know how long a drive

it is to get here?

Get her skis.

We're goin' home.

Excuse me.

This was a sublime metamorphosis

of the Lane Myer...

I think the crowds

were expecting to see here...

at Brody Mountain today.

Perhaps you can tell us

what brought on...

such an enchanting,

exhilarating fate?

Language lessons.

Language lessons.

Inspired words from a man

who knows how to ski.

You're nothing but a little tramp,

you know.

I don't know what Ricky

even sees in you.

- What are you doing with her?

- She's coming with me.

- She's coming with us.

- Wrong.

You would be wise

to do as Mother says, Myer.

Do something to him.

Son of a b*tch!

Come on, honey!

Nail the sucker!

What are you doing to him?

Come on. That's a boy.

Come on.

Ricky, where are you going?

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