Better Than Sex Page #2

before you go.

l'll be there.

l just need to talk to her for a minute.

What happened to, ''I just walk away''?

You're leaving. She'll end up liking you.

-No, she won't. lt's not like that.

-Yeah, sure.

-Come on, mate.

-l guess l can call someone.

-Can you call me back in 1 0?

-Okay. Okay, thanks. Bye.

Cinthia. Cin.

She's blond?

-Never heard of her.

-You're f***ing kidding.

He's only been in town

for two minutes.

Yeah, l saw him talking to her.

-Oh, Cinthia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-She was attractive.

-That little rat.

-Hasn't she got a boyfriend?

Cinthia?

Oh, no. Well, l've been trying

to go out with her for ages!

-lt's only because he's going away.

-l'm not giving him her number.

He wants to call her? When has

he ever wanted to call anyone?

-Josh.

-What have you been doing?

Listen, mate. ls it Cinthia Roland

or Cinthia Graham?

l don't know.

Who said romance is dead?

Where are you?

l'm in a phone box outside the--

l don't know. Somewhere.

You better be here tomorrow.

Got a pen?

Yeah, Graham.

Okay, thanks. See you. Bye.

lt's me.

l'm outside of the apartment...

...and l think the only thing for us to do

is to have sex immediately.

l'm sorry. Yes, l'm sorry.

Look, l thought you were somebody else.

Okay, l'm sorry. Bye.

F***.

-Hello.

-Hi, could I speak to Cinthia Graham?

-l mean, Cinthia Roland.

-lt's me, you idiot. What do you want?

I'm sorry. Look, I think I've just

had sex with a total stranger.

lt's only been five minutes

and you've been unfaithful?

l thought it was you. l think l rang

some other Cinthia by mistake.

-So you rang?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, l was--

-Hey, come upstairs.

l'm taking all my clothes off.

l might have something

to keep you warm.

Why don't you bring it up here?

l don't want to catch a chill.

-Did l say goodbye?

-l don't think so.

Not properly.

Okay, see you.

Bye.

My leg, my leg! Just--

Yeah.

Oh, my God, this is so good!

Don't fall in love with him.

Don't fall in love with him.

Don't, don't, don't!

l love you!

What?

-What?

-You know what.

l didn't mean it.

What?

You're a bastard

for making me say that.

What did l do?

l was under duress.

Look, it's not fair.

l'm taking that back.

No, it's too late. You can't.

Weren't you leaving?

lt's definitely the go.

From behind,

with your hand on my clitoris.

Hi, gorg. It's me.

-Pick up. I know you're there.

-l'm not answering that.

Hello, hello, hello.

Come on, I know you can hear me.

Come on, Cin, pick up.

Hi, Sam. l'm here.

Good. Yeah.

No, a little tired.

No, it was good.

Yeah, about 2:
30.

Nothing. Yeah.

Well...

...yeah.

-Well, actually, he stayed the night.

-He stayed the night?

-He stayed the night!

-What do you mean?

-At her place?

-Has he left?

-Did she have sex with him?

-She had sex with him!

What happened?

-So, what happened?

-Well, what do you think happened?

Yeah.

-Yeah, it was pretty good.

-She'll want some details.

-Come on, I want some details.

-Not now.

-ls he still there? l'm coming over.

-Forget it.

-l won't stay long, all right?

-No way, you'll flirt your ass off.

-What do you mean?

-You do it every time l like some guy.

You said ''love,'' remember?

Listen, he's there for one night.

lt was just for sex. What do you care?

He was sort of tall, wasn't he?

He was disheveled-looking.

Call me tomorrow, Sam. Okay?

But he won't be there.

ls he staying another night?

-He's staying another night?

-Which one was he?

-Was he that English guy?

-lsn't he pasty-looking?

-Must've been a good root.

-l talked to him.

-l thought he was boring.

-Well, is he?

l don't know.

Look, call me tomorrow, Sam.

And l mean it, don't go blabbing.

Okay. Bye.

-Was he that tall guy she was talking to?

-l didn't see anyone.

-Glasses?

-Did he go down on her?

So sex was good

first trip to the crest?

-After?

-What's she done to deserve that?

Listen, don't say anything.

l promised her l wouldn't blab.

She'll tell everyone. She'll--

Bloody thing!

Yeah, being with someone

like Cin, it's....

l don't know,

it's seductive, l guess.

She was open. Confident.

She was never uptight.

There was never any of that

having to do it with the lights out.

Well, he was already

pretty confident, l guess.

ln a quiet way.

But he sort of started to do more.

Fishing around for things

that l might like.

He wasn't trying to prove anything.

Perform.

He just felt into it, into me.

l found that a real turn-on.

Keep going. Keep going.

Don't stop, Josh. Don't stop.

Three cups of self-rising flour.

Four lemons.

Yeah, keep going. Keep going.

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.

Please, don't stop.

A cup of milk.

A teaspoon of baking powder.

Yeah, don't stop. Don't stop.

Please. Please wait for me.

Six eggs. Eight ounces of butter.

Keep going. Keep going.

Desiccated coconut!

Oh, man.

You okay?

-Did l come too quickly?

-No.

-lt's okay. You can tell me.

-No.

Yeah, a bit.

-But it was fine, really.

-You should have said something.

-l was trying to slow down.

-Shut up, you idiot.

Yeah, the condom came loose...

...and quite frankly,

l didn't need the extra friction.

Yeah, l would have liked

to have held out...

...but sometimes it starts

and you just can't stop.

Well, anyway,

l ran out of ingredients.

lt really didn't seem to bother him.

l get the shits when guys

get all self-conscious.

Like they're worried

about their performance.

l don't know, they become

more grateful or something.

-Grateful?

-Yeah.

You have no idea

what some guys are like.

You let them f*** you, and then

they get the idea you like them.

-Tragic.

-Yeah.

And the next morning, there's this

eager beaver, this droopy-eyed spaniel.

They suddenly become

more needy or something.

You got any food in this place?

Haven't you got any food?

Any food?

Well, look in the fridge.

There must be something.

l meant food you could eat.

What's the big deal?

l like it cold, okay?

Stop smiling.

l'm lucky you keep it wrapped up.

lt's the only thing in there

that was fresh.

No, no way. You've got a job

to be getting back to there.

This is the sort of thing you do.

Sneaking up on poor, defenseless

animals in their most intimate moments.

Hang on a minute.

He just comes home from lying in

the sun all day and he climbs on top.

No kiss, no ''how was your day?''

Even a cuddle would be nice.

The breath! The breath's unbelievable.

You'd think they'd get sick of the same

position, want a bit of variety.

Oh, no. I don't believe it.

He wants to do it again. I'm rooted.

-When you gonna get some sleep?

-A bit lower.

-What, there?

-Yeah, that's it. Oh, God.

Surely she doesn't want

to do it again.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Jeez, don't be so grateful.

He'll think I want to do it again.

-I want my bed.

-I need to sleep.

No more sex.

God, I can't take it anymore.

I hate sex.

-I just want to get into bed.

-I just want to go to sleep.

What are you thinking?

-Nothing, you?

-Nothing.

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