Between Us Page #5

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Hey. Uh, we're at a convenience

store really, really far away.

Joel's pretty loaded.

Sounds like you're having fun.

When are you coming back?

Is she standing in front of you?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, all right. Well,

look, when I get back,

- we're leaving, okay?

- That's a great idea.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Cool. Oh, he's comin'.

I gotta go.

I love you.

Whoo! Go on. I know you

wanna drive this beast! Oh!

- Okay. Yes, gladly.

- Besides, my hands are full.

[EXHALES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

Oh!

What's a great idea?

Hmm?

You just said,

"That's a great idea."

Them coming back. That's a great idea?

[CHUCKLES]

Don't leave, Grace. Please?

We invited you here.

Besides, it's over now.

- [JOEL] Look at you. Whoa!

- Easy.

Fierce!

[GRUNTS]

I have time to work out. Does

it change when you have kids?

Huh?

Kids?

Um... Yesterday I played

with Lucien for an hour.

I touched his... his head.

I kissed his neck.

I kissed his nose.

And he laughed and squirmed.

And I laughed and squirmed.

- Suddenly, he sank his teeth into

my shoulder. - Damn!

Lucien did that? So that's

what it's like havin' a kid.

Wow.

Well...

[CHUCKLES]

We had an argument

in school.

Argument?

Yeah.

I remember very little.

You don't remember that?

No, I'm sorry. I'm not going

to jeopardize my career,

or who I am, my art,

so I can have some kids.

Why? Because society

says I'm supposed to?

'Cause my mom... So you're

below having kids?

Well, I'm not... No, I'm not below having

kids. Yeah. You're being difficult.

You're-You're... You're special.

I'm not.

- You think you're special.

- That... That I do.

That... I think that I'm special, yes.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay. Well, you know what?

You're not. Neither am I.

And we're both gonna wind up

having kids...

and living in the suburbs.

No. Sub...

I ain't livin' in no suburbs.

This is below you.

Mm-mmm.

Because...

You're drunk, because what

you're saying to me...

is simple

and sentimental.

[MOCK WHIMPERING]

"Have some kids."

You know what? Who am I

talking to right now?

You're actually drunk, and you're

pissing me off because you sound...

you sound phony.

Phony? [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

You're sitting here lecturing me about

how special you are as a photographer.

How is that phony?

These sort of views you've obviously

picked up from undergraduates...

who get Daddy's monthly check.

[CHUCKLES] Maybe.

- And you're acting phony.

- Don't call me phony. 'Cause I have an issue...

God, that actually

hurt your feelings.

I call your mom a slut, that doesn't

matter, but I call you a phony...

Call me phony one more time, I'm gonna

punch you in your f***ing face.

For real.

How 'bout that?

Phony.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

- [CARLO LAUGHS]

- Oh, yes.

You f***in' a**hole. You lucky.

You lucky, man. I know.

I live with me. I

mean... [LAUGHS]

What, uh...

No, but seriously.

All right.

What were we talkin' about?

Your mom.

[CHUCKLES]

You were right.

Was I?

You were right, yeah.

Uh,

I wanna have 'em.

I wanna have

a bunch of 'em.

A big family.

Like the one

that I grew up in.

I feel like life...

[CHUCKLES] I can't believe I'm say...

I feel like life is

meaningless without children.

Well, life doesn't necessarily

become meaningful...

because you have children.

Well, if not meaningful,

then what?

Oh, Jesus f***ing Christ. I don't

wanna have this conversion, Carlo.

Do not ask me to repeat clichs that

parents pass around like cocktail napkins.

Fine.

"Oh. Oh, my God, kids.

They're so much work, but

they're worth it, you know?"

"My son teaches me

more than I teach him."

"They grow up so fast."

Oh, Jesus. It's more energy to

prop up these conversations...

than it is to actually have a kid!

Okay.

I'm just fumbling through it

like the next guy.

We should stop self-consciously chatting

about parenthood and about children.

I mean, do you hear apes in the zoo

going on about their offspring...

and what they've learned

from them,

[DEEPER VOICE] and how

much they mean to them,

and nyuh-nyuh-nyuh?

All right.

So, am I... Am I an ape?

Is that what's happening right now?

I don't know. You tell me.

Are you an ape?

[JOEL IMITATING APE HOOTING]

You made it back!

[HOOTING]

[JOEL CHUCKLES]

Ugh. Where did you go?

A convenience store.

More wine?

Oh, yes, please.

I wasn't talking to you. I'm

finished fighting, sweetie. Okay?

Just give me some more wine.

Please?

I don't think you want any more, Joel.

Oh, really?

I thought I just asked you

for some more.

No. I don't think

you really want any more.

Do you want more, Joel?

What do you think?

- I just told you what I thought.

- All right! For God sakes!

- All right, guys. We're gonna... - We can stay.

We can stay. We'll stay. We're gonna stay.

Gracie.

Scotch, anyone?

Just relax.

Mmm.

- You're looking really good, Carlo.

- Thank you. Thank you.

I was just telling Joel that

I'm, you know, working out more.

- Really? Where?

- Trying to stay in shape.

We're just about to have dessert.

[CHUCKLES]

Dessert. Yeah, crme brle.

Oh, my God.

[GRACE] Carlo's favorite.

Right.

- Remember when we took them to Le Fou?

- Right. Le Fou.

Fantastic crme brle at Le Fou.

For your anniversary.

- And the waiter spilled coffee all

over Joel. - That's right.

[CARLO CHUCKLES] That's right.

[SHARYL LAUGHS]

Wow, it has really been

a long time.

Oh, I love that place!

- And we live two blocks away.

- [SHARYL] You don't go?

- We try not to eat out anymore.

- Well, it's nothing like the food out here.

Just steakhouses, sausage

factories and slaughterhouses.

Well, thank you, Sharyl, for the crme

brle. That's very thoughtful.

Don't thank me yet,

Carlo.

I'm sure it's much better

than at Le Fou.

Are you always

so ingratiating?

Another toast.

Another toast.

Okay.

Age...

earns us...

our imperfections.

What the hell sort of a toast

was that, Joel?

So don't worry about it,

Carlo.

- Worry about...

- Age, baldness, kids.

You never wanna get

too perfect.

Me?

Well...

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Sure I do.

What he's trying to say, Carlo,

is don't try to be too happy.

- It would actually upset him.

- Sharyl.

It might actually make him realize just

how miserable he is. Really, it would.

- Yeah, it would.

- It would.

Well, you caught us

at a bad time.

Sharyl and I are...

- How would you describe it, Sharyl?

- Hmm?

Oh, um...

We're getting a divorce.

Crme brle, anyone?

Your son.

I mean, look at him.

Could he be more handsome?

[CHUCKLES] Thank you.

All those cheeks. Truly a Gerber Baby.

[BABY EXCLAIMS]

Every baby is a Gerber Baby.

That's not true, actually.

I think he's ugly.

It upsets her when I talk like that.

Of course it upsets me.

You shouldn't make jokes like that.

It was a joke.

Maybe you're just scared

that I believe it.

Do you? I'm the only person with

a sense of humor around here.

Oh. Can I take a peek?

[WHISPERS] Yeah.

He's usually so fussy.

I love how you did this.

Oh. Huh.

You wanna buy it?

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