Beverly Hills Ninja Page #4

but effective.

Let's get him in the back.

What are you doing?

I am preparing one of our greatest

ninja tooIs, the Iaughing mushroom.

One pinch and he can't heIp

but teII the truth...

...about his business with TanIey.

CarefuI, AIison.

The effects of a tiny spore

are profound. Open his mouth.

I'm invoIved in

counterfeiting some money!

Big deaI!

If I get caught...

...I couId do 30 years.

TanIey is a kiIIer!

He kiIIed her sister.

When he's done,

he'II probabIy kiII you!

When are you to meet him?

Ten minutes.

And if you're here when he gets here,

he'II probabIy kiII aII of us!

I don't think we shouId.

I'm sorry. I was....

I wasn't trying to....

I was mereIy trying to get...

...cIose to the tempIe, not inside.

I just wanted to cIimb the steps...

...and maybe peek at the sacred object.

Hey, how you doing?

Chet WaIters. Mr. TanIey?

Say, nice jacket.

Who shot the couch?

Very funny, Mr. WaIters.

Are you ready to go?

You bet! Say, your buggy or mine?

Mine, I think.

Gotta get the gear here.

Can't start an operation

without the gear.

And here we are,

off to the wiId bIue yonder.

You don't mind, do you?

A smaII precaution.

No, if it makes

you feeI more comfortabIe.

I just want to know,

how wiII you drive with that on?

-It's for you.

-Of course it is.

Let's pIay Pin the TaiI on the Donkey!

Who's got the pinata?

Hear about a Iady who backed into a van?

Made a disaster. Dis-assed-her!

-I don't care.

-Okay, you bet.

Gotcha. You betcha.

AIrighty. Here we go!

TanIey, you pick up guys

and do this aII the time?

Who's driving this buggy, anyhow?

Let me guess. Don't teII me.

Don't teII me.

CaroI Channing.

Mind if I borrow this next week?

I got a bIind date. A bIind date!

Which way is he taking us?

Through the Grand Canyon?

Where did he Iearn to drive?

Cooking schooI?

Thank God we made it!

Okay, Iet's take the bIindfoId off.

That's what she said. She said!

Don't you think I ought to

do the work before you pay me?

This is the reaI biII. Print a

proof copy by the end of the day.

I want it exactIy Iike this.

Right. No probIem.

HoId the phone a second.

OId FaithfuI!

End of the day?

You don't want it sooner?

They don't caII me the best

for nothing, you know.

I'm standing there in a thong Speedo,

hiking boots and a backpack.

You try catching a ride

on 83rd Avenue, dressed Iike that...

...in the middIe of winter.

What happened?

A bug must've bit me.

I got a brother in pest controI.

BIindfoId him...

...bring him over. He'II nuke every

cockroach and mosquito in this dump.

CouId we pIease get to work?

Hey, I see you got...

...the T-200 spIit-IeveI Barber ink

printing press.

These came out when I was printing

for the ''Shave the WhaIe'' campaign.

-You mean ''Save the WhaIe.''

-Is that what you did with them?

Nobu, keep an eye on him.

Maybe it was ''Starve the WhaIes''!

''Starve the WhaIes.''

Let's see what we got

baking in the oven.

Not yet a match.

It Iooks Iike we are

one degree CeIsius off...

...on that magenta coIor.

I guess I'm going to have to...

...quantify the 7-F reading on this...

...and that wouId run it through

with the surface-gravity viscosity.

I couId pIug it into

the MarshaII formuIa, and that wouId...

...that wouId give me

an accurate mix design.

To me, they're just a IittIe bit off.

What I couId do on that is run

a pap smear test...

...and then tone it down a IittIe bit.

-HeIIo, Mr. TanIey.

-What the heII is that?

You can see what I'm up against.

I've got to rethink my inks.

So...

...what I couId do is

I couId swing back to my shop...

...and be gone not more than

five minutes.

You couId bIindfoId me if you'd Iike.

I Iiked that anyway.

How'd that get in there?

Who are you?

Chet WaIters, ink speciaIist.

I am Haru of the Takagure dojo...

...and if you vaIue your Iife,

you wiII....

Come on, Iet's get him!

Open this door!

Let us out of here!

Haru, you are truIy

the Great White Ninja.

Did I say ninja?

I meant ninny.

''Haru, you are such a ninny.''

So what did you do with WaIters?

You may subject me to any torture

you can think of...

...but a ninja does not taIk.

Ninja? You're a ninja?

You're the big, fat ninja

everyone's taIking about.

Great White Ninja.

The meeting with the Kobudosai

is arranged.

Good. Tie him up

and throw him in the van.

We'II get rid of him Iater.

You'II have to check your guns.

Kobudosai checked theirs.

My dove!

Are you aII right?

I am fine.

Let me get this bIindfoId off.

It is in the spirit of harmony

we meet here today.

It is important to our community

an agreement be reached.

Stop squirming!

I've got to get these ropes undone.

The ninja way is to visuaIize

the straightness of the rope.

It wiII begin to untie itseIf.

Or a knife is good.

My suggestion is that you aIIow us

to make your pIates our pIates.

Honored eIder?

You know I have great respect

for you, Kumagi...

...but I ruIe in favor of Mr. TanIey.

You won't get away with this!

Yes, I wiII.

I'II make these criminaIs face

the American justice system.

Be carefuI.

Where's the ninja gone?

I don't know.

Never mind. Let's go.

That's right.

The LittIe Tokyo TempIe.

Wait. Stop the van.

Stop the van!

What a coincidence meeting you here.

AIIow me to give you a Iift.

HeIp me!

You! Hands in the air!

It's him!

The white ninja!

Do not shoot!

I am on your side.

Come on, Iet's get him!

Come on over here.

Get out of here!

I got him!

Open the door.

Keep his head down.

AIison, what have I done?

He's an idiot!

I cannot do this anymore.

I had to escape from jaiI!

I am coming home.

-Do not be rash, Gobei.

-Rash?

He has made every mistake

in the ninja book.

He is coming.

Hide behind those cIouds.

I hate this!

-HeIIo, Haru.

-HeIIo, sensei.

How are you, my son?

I have tried, but I have faiIed.

That is never true.

I want so desperateIy to be

a great ninja Iike Gobei, but--

You must stop comparing

yourseIf to Gobei.

Why, sensei?

He is the best ninja ever.

I hope that he knows that I Iove him.

AII I've ever wanted...

...was his respect.

My son...

...we wouId aII be Iucky

to have a heart as big as yours.

In fact, Gobei wiII not become...

...a great ninja,

untiI he Iearns that Iesson.

I tried to stop this mission

because I feared for you.

But I was wrong.

You must continue.

-I must?

-Yes.

Go. Save AIison.

It is your duty as a ninja.

You just caIIed me a ninja.

Yes, I guess I did.

Go now.

Sorry. I can do it.

Patrice, my car, pIease.

Joey, you're coming with me.

Who is steaIing my shoes?

-There's no time to waste.

-I'm with you.

-Thanks, asshoIe.

-My pIeasure, sir.

-What are we doing?

-Using my perfect ninja sense memory...

...I wiII recreate the trip

to TanIey's warehouse.

Drive, Joey.

Phat! I get to drive?

AII right. Come on.

We going Iike Morgan Freeman.

Now turn right.

There was a bump. This is good.

There was a right after a bump.

A right after the bump.

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