Beware the Gonzo

In the past week

I ruined my chance to go to college

I lost all my friends

I almost ruined my parents' marriage

The one girl l ever cared about will

probably never talk to me again

I also got my face kicked in

But...

after everything I've done

I probably got off easy

You believed in me

and I betrayed you all

Amy

I want you on band try-outs and theater auditions

It's Pippin this year, right?

Great show... Jules

I need you on the student parking permits

Please, they confuse the hell out of everybody

Can you do that for me?

There's a new cafeteria policy.

Due to last year's brawl at McDonald's

Nobody's allowed off school grounds for lunch

Not even the seniors.

We're stuck inside all year

That sucks

It's okay. I'm gonna do an op ed on that

Gonna interview the principal

it's obviously a hot-button issue

Kev, what do you got, bud?

Football and wrestling previews, Gav. And

I'd love to do a feature on the state wrestling champ

at a hundred sixty eight pounds

who happens to be you

Alright. Well you'll probably

gonna want photos with that

so meet me in the gym after school

I'll let you shoot me in my tux

I got a sports story

but it ain't no goddamn puff piece

It's gonna be in 2-inch type

right underneath the masthead

steroids

good to see you, Gilman

Steroids, huh?

I'm gonna go undercover on the

football team as assistant equipment manager

blow the lid right off this b*tch

I'm gonna find out who's juicing,

where they got the stuff

What evidence do you have that anyone's using steroids?

Statistics

It's an epidemic now on the high school level

the high school football team went 2 and 12 last year

nobody cares enough to cheat

maybe they don't wanna go 2 and 12 this year

ever think about that?

It's a ridiculous reach. Forget it.

At least read the data

I don't need to read the data. Thanks.

Who are you trying to protect?

Cough if up, Riley.

How far up does this thing go?

Take it easy, Oliver Stone. I just don't want you

bugging my friends with your bullshit

Okay, guys. These stories are due Friday.

You can just e-mail them to me, alright?

Okay, we table the steroids thing.

What am I gonna do?

You beat me out for editor, Riley,

but I still need to make my mark this year

First of all, Gilman, take a giant step back

You're in my area. We discussed this

Okay

Why don't you just do a

simple 'back to school' piece?

'Another year dawns on Parker Prep'

whatever just

make sure you include the

changes on the academic calendar

Back to school piece

it's simple, it's elegant

I'll really to put my finger on

the pulse of the student body

Yes. Fine. Look, if it's good enough,

I'll even put it on the cover

Just don't get carried away

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.

Another year dawns, let's talk about it

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.

Do you have one minute?

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.

What are your hopes and fears...

Gonzo Gilman with the Courier.

What are your hopes and fears for the new year?

I hope that you get out of my face

and I fear that you will not.

- Gonzo Gilman with the Courier. I was hoping

- No

- Can I quote you on that?

-No

Got her digits, man. Damn, she's hot.

My friend, Rob. You will have to

undress that girl with a small crane

You've no vision, Gonzo. Okay that girl loses

this much baby fat, she'll have the sweetest ass in the entire school

- And I will be leading the ground floor

- Hmm..interesting.

- You working on a story?

- Undercover. I told you.

- 2-inch type

- right underneath the mast head.

- Hi, Rob.

- Hey, gorgeous. Welcome back.

- This is gonna be such a good year.

- Dude, she's like the elephant man

- You're the Don Juan of the physically-deformed

- Don't hate, okay?

-Please, you're better than that.

-Guys, come quick. It's Schneeman.

Bastards! How can you all just stand there?

Schneeman, I'm coming!

-Third year in a row. My underwear is about to rip...

-I know, I know. Don't try to talk right now

I'm gonna have to lift you... gently

Got it. Come on down. Here we go.

here...we... go.

You okay, Schneeman?

Did they do this to you?

Gavin Riley wasn't there

- Listen Schneeman. This isn't gonna happen again

-I know.

- That is the last time I wear underwear to school

- No, that's not what I mean

Okay you geniuses, here's your reminder

The submission deadline for the

Van Buren price is October 20th

This is the most prestigious history

award in the country

Parker Prep has had two previous winners

Gavin's two older brothers -Marcus and Shawn.

- Are you gonna continue the family dynasty?

- They'll disown me if I don't.

Well you're gonna have some tough competition

this year. Isn't that right, Mr. Shneeman?

Okay, back to Napoleon...

another man who had his eyes on the price

namely, the military domination of Europe...

Another year dawns on Parker Prep,

the 150th in the school history

For most students, it's a time to set goals

both academic and personal

a time to dream when everything seems possible

For others, however, school is already a

waking nightmare, a hellish abyss

where bullies prey sadistically on the weak.

unpunished, their victims, too afraid to identify.

- Hey

- Hey, how was the meeting? Did you settle?

And a hearty good evening to you, Diane.

No, we did not settle

- In fact, they threw the whole thing out.

- What?

Okay, so what happens now?

You don't get paid?

- You've been working on this case for 6 months.

- That's the high stake world of personal injury law.

Arthur, c'mon. This has got to stop.

You need to start getting compensated for your time.

and I'm talking about actual money

I'm not talking about Fernando working

off your fee by doing the hedges

or king Popi giving you that car

truck thingie with the boat attachment

That's an 87 El Camino, babe. It's a chariot

Look, I know how hard it is for you to say no

but you're not working pro-bono at LegalAid anymore

-This job is supposed to pay

- Di, I'm taking every case I can possibly take

I'm taking criminal, divorce, liability

I'm practically chasing ambulances down the street.

What else do you want me to do?

No money, no work. It's very simple

- Where's the boy?

- He's in his room. Eddie, dinner!

I call for a boycott on all boys'

varsity sports events

until the culprits step forward

and take responsibility for their actions

we can no longer let this aggression stand

-What? I'm working.

-Dinner's ready.

-I'll eat later. I'm on a roll

Hey mom?

Can you just grab me a Red Bull?

Rob, do me a favor and read it aloud

"Another year dawns on Parker Prep

The 150th in the school history"

"For most students, it's a time to set

goals both academic and personal"

"a time to dream when everything seems possible."

- Keep going.

- That is the end of the article.

-No, it's not. It's continued on another page or something.

-I don't think so. There's a period there.

What's the matter, Gilman?

It's on the cover, isn't it?

- You cut the whole thing?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes