Beware the Gonzo Page #2

You had no right to do that!

- I told you what I wanted and that's what I printed.

You're just protecting your neanderthal friends.

It's the same reason you tabled my steroids story.

- That's not what a newspaper is for!

- You're in my area, Gilman. I'm warning you.

A newspaper is for everybody.

It's a public trust!

- I told the truth in that article.

- Back off, freak! I'm serious.

You think this is just gonna go away?

That this is just gonna be over?

We're still gonna get justice for

Schneeman, Riley. You can't stop us!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!

It's gonna be a nightmare, Riley.

You think you can challenge me, huh?

You're out of your league. Nobody

cares what you think. You understand that?

You better watch your back.

Are you out of your mind?

I thought you wanted to go to Columbia for Journalism.

How is getting kicked off the

paper one week into school gonna help?

You know there are students with 4.0 averages,

who spend their summers workign with lepers in India

who have a hard time getting into college

What the hell are you gonna do?

-This was your one extra-curricular selling point.

-Mom, one notch, okay? Do me a favor?

- Oh, am I being shrill

-Yes

I'm sorry. It's just that we're killing ourselves

to put you into this fancy private school

you have to hold up your end

I'm a victim of injustice, mother.

What do you want me to do?

Why don't you apologize?

Get back on the paper.

- Apologize?

- Yeah

I will never apologize to Gavin Riley.

I'll say that right now.

I'd rather die on my feet

than live on my knees.

"Die on my feet, live on my knees."

That's pretty good. Did I just make that up?

- Zapata. Emiliano Zapata. Mexican revolutionary.

Is that all you have to say?

Have you even read this, Diane?

He's standing up for the underdog.

Can't believe they'd cut a word of this

-I hope you're sending this to the dean at Columbia.

-Oh yeah, I send everything I write to Dean Herbert

No response yet but I know he'll respect my stand

Thanks, Arthur. That's very helpful

- I love you very much.

-[phone rings] Hello. This is she.

Yeah, I'm showing it a week from Tuesday.

Your mother's right.

We have sacrificed a lot.

Small things like dignity and

a sense of shame but

for me this isn't about getting into college.

It's about how far you're willing to go.

There's always gonna be some

a**hole standing in your way

If there's something you need to do,

you have to find a way to do it.

-Alright?

-Yeah.

Don't you have any pride...

as a professional?

I don't cook this crap. I just serve it.

Great. What do you recommend? The stew?

Mac n' cheese?

Not the mac 'n cheese either

what about this vienna sausage that

looks pretty tasty. Is there anything...?

Well, man. I can't really eat saltines all year.

Just give me one of those sandwiches.

Russian roulette, bro.

Oh man, sloppy joe. Excellent.

Let me get some of that. Mmm

So what are you gonna do about Riley?

Sit down

It's not just that they cut my article,

or the heinous way they defiled Schneeman

We've been going to this school for three years

and it's like we've never even existed

This year was supposed to be different, remember?

Two weeks in they've got their feet

on our necks already? No way!

We're gonna start a f***ing revolution in this place.

- How are we going to do that?

- With a newspaper.

With our own underground newspaper

Screw Gavin Riley!

Gavin Riley owns this place.

He'll crush us like bugs.

He's just a man, Schneeman.

He's got strengths and weaknesses

like anyone else.

Too many narcs in here. Let's meet

at the usual place, okay? After school.

There are only 10 people in this school

that anybody knows or cares about.

I'm gonna write about everyone else

"The unsung heroes of Parker Prep"

That's my idea.

Alright. Anybody else?

Any ideas? Anybody?

Rob, why don't you do

something on that mutant harem of yours?

-That'll be a real killer.

-Yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool.

Great. Rob. Mutant harem...

Ming. C'mon. What do you got?

Well...

Nobody even thinks I can speak English

so they blab their whole lives in front

of me like I'm not even there

Some of these girls you wouldn't believe

They act like they're so perfect

But I see every single flaw

Ridiculous clothes and hideous hair

And they're just awful terrible people

Spoiled two-faced back-stabbers.

Those godless whores

It's all I can do not to vomit

or scream at their faces

I just wanna like rip out their hair

Sometimes I take pictures of them

with my camera phone

It's my dream of showing the world the truth

Wouldn't it be funny to see them cry tears

boohoohoo...

boohoohoohoo

So like a gossip column?

Are you talking about doing a gossip column?

Okay cool. Ming Na, gossip column.

Mr. Schneeman?

Mr. Scott Marshall Schneeman.

I'm gonna need your full story, man.

On the record. Names and everything.

Is this the McCarthy hearings?

- Schneeman, you gotta fight back now.

I mean for real!

They've already hung you by your underwear.

What else can they possibly do?

That's what I'm worried about.

Is anybody gonna order food?

That's what I'm worried about.

Is anybody gonna order food?

Absolutely, Errol.

One slice of your famous cherry pie

and uh...four forks.

Evie Wallace.

What the hell does she want?

- Easy E. I heard she's been working at this joint

- Oh, she's a waitress?

No. She's a hooker, man.

-She has sex with guys in exchange for money.

-I know what a hooker is, Rob, but

No, I do not believe that.

-No, that's like a 100% confirmed.

She sold her cherries to some Japanese businessman

over the internet for $50,000

which is like 520,000 Yen

She doesn't dress like a hooker.

Her clothes are flawless.

also for her first time she blew the entire wrestling

team last year. 100% confirmed, multiple sources

Gavin Riley is an evil son of a b*tch and anything

that will knock him down a peg or annoy

him a little bit, I'd like to be a part of.

Have a seat.

- I'm Gonzo Gilman, I'm in charge here.

I assume you all know who I am?

Well I don't really know how you found out about us

but now that you're here, let me get you up to speed

We're starting a newspaper here and

we plan on pissing a lot of people off

-No you're not gonna make a newspaper.

-Why not?

Newspapers are dead, okay?

You've gotta do a website or it's a total joke

No, we're not hiding behind usernames in cyberspace

this is gonna be a communal experience,

something tangible

an actual thing that you can hold in your hands

and get the ink on your fingers.

Newspapers are dead.

You know no one really asked you anyway

You just walked in here

you can go home and blog yourself

Dude, what are you doing?

you know she could give us a lot of street cred

Okay, let me ask you something.

How do you plan on paying for it?

Newspapers cost a lot of money to print, y'know.

Advertising.

We hit every mom and pop shop in this town

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