Big Ass Spider Page #4

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131/2 inches?

Much bigger.

14 inches. 141/2 inches.

Much bigger.

15 inches.

I'll meet you on the other side.

151/2... 16 inches?

20 inches.

- 20 inches?

What I saw was 20

inches long and black.

[JOSE CHUCKLES]

Sounds fun.

Sir, there's a phone

call for you.

This is Major Tanner.

Yeah, it's Officer

Edwards with the LAPD.

Something down here you're

probably going to want to see.

What is your location?

So what is this thing?

It's probably some

cross breed of spider.

I don't know. It's just, like,

a gigantic black widow.

Okay, so where would

a black widow go?

Well, black widows are night feeders,

so it's going to be looking for easy

access outside the sewer

tunnels, some food supply, not a

lot of traffic, calm

area, possibly-

Un ro.

What?

Un ro. The river.

Yes, yes, the L.A. River.

Okay, let's go.

Let's go.

There. There's something.

Oh, sweet mother of God.

It built this under one hour.

Looks like it housed maybe

20 or 30 people at night.

Do you see any survivors?

No. No one left. Except

for maybe some leftovers.

A little more to

the right, please.

It has molted.

Center. Center Command,

this is Major Tanner.

We are at Stage Three. I repeat.

We are at Stage Three.

This town has no

idea what's coming.

Ah, it looks like they

beat us to the punch.

Yeah, but do you think

they killed it?

I don't know. I'm

about to find out.

Hello?

Hey, it's, uh... it's Alex. I was just

wondering, um, so you got your spider, huh?

What? Where are you?

Where are we?

We're right across the

river from you...

...and your soldiers. Hey.

Listen, we just missed it.

Anything else?

Anything else. Um-

Ask her out, man.

What?

Ask her out, Alex.

No.

Don't be scared.

I'm not scared.

Listen. No offense, but I don't have time

for this, all right? Good-bye, Alex.

I was wondering if maybe- What?

Hello.

What happened?

Uh, spider's still on the loose.

Oh, it is?

Yes.

Okay, so. Where do you think

it would go from here?

Well, it's going to be

looking for food and fast.

Thought you said

it hunts at night.

Yeah, but something this size is

going to hunt when it's hungry,

and there's nothing around

but industrial space.

It could hide in the hills.

Yes, it could... Yes, it's

going to be looking for

higher ground. Very good

guess, Seor Watson.

It's going to need tree cover.

You know, my cousin had a

quinceaera at Elysian Park.

It's Sunday. There's lots of

people there cooking out.

That's where I would be with my

family if I had the day off-

Hey, you know what? Elysian Park.

Let's try Elysian Park.

Are you serious? I just

said Elysian Park, Alex.

Come on. Vmonos!

[MAN SCREAMS]

[BONES CRUNCHING,

CHEWING SOUNDS]

The drone has a lock

on our target, sir.

Good God.

Location?

Elysian Park.

Get units there now.

Oh, stop sign, Alex.

No, there's no slowing down.

We've got to get to the park.

Oh, there goes the stop sign.

We have got to get to the park

and evacuate these people.

[SIREN BLARES]

Oh, boy.

Oh, man. We gonna get it now.

I told you to drive slow.

I'll do the talking, okay?

Yeah, hope so. You're

the white guy.

Alex, wait-Oh, man.

Listen, I'm a

professional Driver.

I'm going to need you to

step back into your vehicle.

No, no, no, but there's

something huge in the

park, and I'm just

saying we have a major-

Alex, listen to him. Okay?

Just listen to him-

Excuse me, sir, I need you

to step back inside the car.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Put your hands on

the dash board.

Okay, good luck.

Good luck, Alex.

Back inside the car.

I understand what

this is all about.

What's going on in the park today?

You got a picnic?

All right, maybe I should just

donate to the officer's fund. Huh?

Is that right?

Huh? Is that what

it's going to take?

Is that... Is that what this is?

That's exactly what that is.

A donation to the

officer's fund.

Yes, siree. Can I go now?

This is a 12... $12 donation.

Seriously, man?

Yeah, this is all I got.

Twelve dollars? Sir, I'd

like for you to turn around.

Turn around? I'm a professional.

Put your... Turn around, put

your hands on the car, please.

There are hundreds if not

thousands of people in the park..

Their lives depend on us getting there.

- Is that right?

Yes, absolutely.

All units, all units, please

report to Elysian Park.

Yeah.

There's a disturbance

in progress.

Okay.

Huh? Huh?

Elysian... Elysian Park?

Oh, look at that. Okay, go! Go!

Don't... Don't be waving me off. You

better get out of here, all right?

This works. This works.

Can I have my bribe back?

[FAMILY SCREAMS]

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm going to ram it.

Oh. What?

Yes.

No, you're joking.

Yes!

[JOSE SCREAMS]

[ALEX AND JOSE SCREAMING]

Go! Go! Go!

I'm going as fast as I can.

Are you okay? Are you okay?

No.

Are you okay?

No.

You're not okay?

No, I'm not okay.

Okay.

Who in the hell is that idiot?

That's Alex Mathis.

The exterminator?

Yes, sir.

He's going to get

himself killed.

[JOSE YELLS IN SPANISH]

What?

[JOSE SPEAKS SPANISH]

Okay, listen. Enough of this. Your

Spanglish is pressuring me. All right?

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

I can't go on.

Hello, Western Exterminator.

We care.

Alex, this is Lieutenant Brandt.

Hey, Karly, how are you?

We're onto your spider.

We're in Elysian Park.

Listen, we're here, Alex. Get clear.

We're going to handle this.

Uh, no, no, we're going to take

care of the spider, and then I

am going to take

you out to dinner.

Alex, I'm not joking. You're

heading right into a crossfire.

I'm sorry. We're

heading into a what?

A crossfire.

A crossfire. What's a...

A crossfire? What's a...

[ALEX AND JOSE SCREAMING]

All right, on my command.

Open fire!

My truck!

You son of a b*tch!

Alex, don't!

[SPIDER SQUEALS IN THE DISTANCE]

[ALEX GRUMBLES]

[ALEX SIGHS]

Are you insane? What

were you thinking?

Hey, did you miss me?

You could've been killed.

Well, we just thought we'd

bring the spider to you.

I don't have time to deal with this clown.

Get him out of my sight.

Yes, sir.

You're welcome.

Keep him out of our way. Lieutenant,

regroup the men and form a perimeter.

Yes.

I want to kill that bastard

while it's still in the woods.

Yes, Major.

And get some more men up here.

Hey, I lost my truck.

Uh, I lost my glasses.

You will need more firepower.

There's enough

explosive in here

to take out a tank.

Thank you.

I lost my truck. You're

worried about your glasses?

I'm... yeah, you're right.

Hey, Karly, what about me?

What about you?

Well, should I come with you?

Jose and I can be our own unit.

Yeah, I shot it a whole bunch.

All right, listen, guys. Seriously

I've really appreciated everything

you've done, but we've

got it from here. Okay?

Wait, Karly.

You guys, listen. You

guys did a great job.

Thank you. Karly,

you need my help.

Alex, what I've got to

do now is move out.

You and your men are about

to walk into a death trap.

The wooded area's her terrain.

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