Big Driver Page #4

that you failed

in three ways.

One, your plan didn't work.

Ergo, your agenda and goals

are in ruin.

Two, when caught, you will

face a legal quagmire,

a hurtling fall from grace,

likely imprisonment,

and, of course, the possibility

of a dreary cell mate

and my consequent

refusal to visit you,

since I abhor

wretched settings.

Last but not least, three...

You are condemned to live

with the excruciating truth

that, despite your astute mind,

you overlooked something.

This oversight will torture

you like a sleepless curse,

plaguing your every thought...

In time,

driving you half mad.

I'll try my best

not to get caught.

Lovely, dear.

There you are.

There. Come on.

hey.

Come on, come on.

You're gonna wake up

the neighbors, you.

Hello, tess.

I see we're taking a trip?

A big one.

The time has come, hasn't it?

Well, I know the perfect route.

Yeah.

You have reached

your destination.

Be careful, tess.

She's not a nice person.

Ramona.

It's so good to see you.

Back up.

If you even start to yell,

I will shoot.

And you better

believe me, b*tch.

Why would you shoot me'?

You fire that gun, and the whole

neighborhood is gonna hear you.

Well, it won't matter to you

because you'll be dead.

Back up.

Over there.

You just be a good girl

and answer my questions,

and maybe you'll

still be alive tomorrow.

Do you hear me'?

Over there.

You're crazy.

Over there!

Aah!

I don't know

what you're doing here.

What did you expect?

To find me dead

in a drainage pipe?

What you talking about?

You... No!

Don't lie to me,

mommy.

I saw it in your eyes

when you came to the door.

You thought I was dead.

I don't know

what you're talking about!

Aah! Aah!

Just fess up,

you sick b*tch.

How long have you

been doing it, ramona,

pimping for your

homicidal, rapist son'?

When...

When did it start?

How old was he'?

Did he claim

to just be "fooling around?"

You came to the library,

and we all welcomed you.

Yes, we did!

And we paid you

a very generous fee.

And the next thing I know,

you're at my doorstep,

and you're pointing a gun

and coming up with all

these wild accusations.

Your son raped me...

No.

And tried to kill me.

No. He thought he did kill me.

And you sent me to him!

No! No, no.

I would never do that.

He would never do that.

It's not true.

You sent me to him!

He would never do that!

Ohh!

Ow!

Oh, yes!

No, no, no!

Aah! Get off!

Get off me, b*tch!

Get off me!

Aah!

Oh, oh.

You're a crappy writer.

And you're

a crappy guest speaker.

You said my new book

was fantastic

in your introduction.

I lied.

The other speaker cancelled,

and the only reason

I called you

is 'cause I had nobody else.

Your plots are pedestrian.

And those old ladies,

they're a joke.

That's harsh, ramona.

You were perfect for him.

Mommy.

Sit up!

He was gonna do someone.

I know the signs.

I sent ya that way.

And I'm glad he did ya...

Should've killed ya.

I don't know what you thought

you were doing coming here,

but this is what you get.

Ow! No!

No!

Aah!

Help me, help me.

Ohh. Ow.

Ramona...

The first rule

of gun ownership...

Don't put a bullet

in the chamber

that first falls

under the hammer.

You might accidentally

shoot someone.

I've been feeling

a sort of...

I don't know what

you'd call it... a kinship

with your boyfriend

richard Widmark right now.

"You know what I do

to squealers, honey?

I let 'em have it right

in the belly." No!

Please. Please.

Never tell a writer

their stuff is crap.

It brings out

the worst in us.

I take my writing

very seriously.

You don't...

You don't understand.

You c...

You can't do that.

It is a mistake.

The mistake

was yours, ramona.

It was not having

that worthless son

of yours castrated

as soon as you found out

what he was.

I n-n-need

you to help me.

We've been here

for hours, tom.

Maybe it's not

gonna happen.

Things happen

when they do, tess.

Bastard.

Now what, tess?

I'll see you. Thanks.

Did you get

what you needed, tess?

Yeah, he just stopped by

for a coffee and a doughnut.

What if he's married?

What if he's got a wife'?

Guys like that

don't have wives...

Not ones that stick around,

anyway.

There's only one woman

in his life,

and she's dead.

Evening.

Evening.

What's going on'?

Oh, I just pulled over

to get a better signal,

you know'?

Is that right?

Yeah.

You seem a little lost.

Oh, I'm fine.

I always look like that.

It's my thing.

You might try down the road

near the intersection.

Signals better.

Great.

Thank you so much.

These things really get

great mileage.

Yeah, I almost never

have to fill my tank.

Gas costs an arm and a leg.

Sure does.

What were you doing

over by the truck?

Um...

Like I said, I was trying

to get a better signal.

It stinks around here.

You take care now.

Thank you. I will.

Obviously a slow

night in crime-fighting.

calculating new route.

2440 Hiller Crescent.

Your destination

will be on your right.

This isn't the correct address.

No, it isn't, but he stopped

here for some reason.

Maybe it's a trick?

He could be waiting

for you, tess.

You can still leave.

No, I can't!

He may be right, dear.

You had trouble with the mother'?

He's much bigger than her.

If you're going to do this,

I strongly recommend

that you get started.

"Soonest begun, soonest done."

No!

Oh, my god.

What have I done'?

You killed me, tess,

just like you meant to.

I killed the wrong guy.

Mistaken identity, dear.

It happens.

Columbus thought america

was india.

Anyway, the lighting out here

is downright smudgy.

The intriguing question, though,

is whether the poor dad

killed himself

out of shame

over his deranged son, or...

Was dad going to tell

and mom killed him

and made it look like suicide?

The sensitive

so often wed the cruel.

Which was it, al'?

Tell her.

Tell her!

Stop it, doreen! Enough!

Enough.

No, it's never enough

until it's

fully worked out, dear.

You know that.

It's your obsession,

your gift from

your chaotic childhood.

No! I... no, no, no.

I-I'm listening

to a character that I created

and... and to a man

I just killed.

I've lost it.

Well, people

always said you would.

Why fight it'?

Why were you

driving his truck?

He always takes

my things, too.

He still has

some video games

he won't give back.

You're the brother.

When those girls

disappeared,

did you ask

your mother'?

No one asked

our mother anything...

Ever.

Families can be

so finicky.

In our last novel,

there were these

truly nasty triplets

that had it in

for each other and...

Oh, please, doreen.

Why didn't you

tell anybody

about your

psychotic brother'?

I don't know.

He was scared,

obviously.

Of your brother'?

Not him. Scared of her.

I killed

an innocent man.

There was no way

you could know.

It all happened

so fast.

Doesn't matter,

doesn't matter,

doesn't matter, doreen.

I've just sent myself

to hell.

Well, point taken.

But why not make sure

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