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Big Fat Liar
[Man]|Hey,Jas,you awake?
Jason?|Hey,Jason,you awake?
Yeah, Dad, been up for hours.|J ust getting dressed.
Did you finish that paper|for English class?.|Yeah, did it last night.
Jas, did you eat|your oatmeal?.
Yeah, thanks, Mom.|It was delicious.
Here you go, Trooper.|# Is something wrong with me#
# Orthe way that I'm thinking|Come on, come on#
# And tell me|why you're staring#
# Come on, come on--#
[ All Chuckling ]
Nice board, Shepherd.
Bret, I would love|to hang around...
and be physically and|emotionally abused by you guys,
but I should probably|get to school.
Ow. See, I had a feeling|you were an excellent bully.
And I was right.|Take it easy.
Give me|the skateboard.|You sure?.
'Cause now you're going from harmless|bully to hardened boardjacker.
I don't think you wanna|do that, do you?.
[School Bell Ringing]
# Come on, come on and tell me|why you're staring#
# Come on, come on|and stop ##
I assume everyone|has completed their creative|writing assignments.
- [ Pager Ringing ]|- I don't want to hear excuses.
Ijust want to hear|your assignments readaloud|in a slow and peaceful--
- You,Joshua. Go.|- Uh, my dog ate it?
- I know you don't have a dog.|- Right. Sorry.
- Miss Caldwel I ?.|- Yes, Kaylee?
Can you open the door?.|I t's kinda toasty in here.
I suppose so.
[ Grunts ]
Jason Shepherd, did you just|come in from that window?.
No. You looked flushed.|I was just creating a cross-draft.
Now that we're all comfortable,|why don'tyou read us your story?.
Let's give someone else a chance.|No, we'd like to hear yours.
You did do it, didn't you?.
Miss Caldwell--|can I call you Phyllis?.
- No.|- Understood.
But as much as I wanted|to write my paper--
I mean, I really, really wanted|to write my paper--
I couldn't.
And it's because I spent all last night|in the Greenbury General emergency room.
See, my mom made|Swedish meatballs for dinner.|It's my dad's favorite.
He was so excited, he accidentally|swallowed one whole.
It was awful! He started choking.|His faced turned purple.
The meatball was bulging out|ofhis neck. We rushed him to the E.R.
I kept trying to write my paper|in the waiting room,|but it was too hard.
I needed to be by my father's side.|After all, he's the only dad I got.
You're lying through your|teeth, you little demon.
I wish I were, Phyllis.|Call my dad if you want.
His number's 555-0147.
I think I will.
Are you crazy?.|You're totally gonna get busted.
Say "Harry Shepherd's office."|No way. Don't drag me into this.
- Come on. Help me out. What am I supposed to do?|- How about write the paper?.
- Do it. Do it!|- No. No!
Harry Shepherd's office.|One moment please.
[ Tired, SickVoice ]|Hello?. Oh, hello. Miss Caldwell.
Yes, it's true.|It was terrifying!
I started to see the white light.
I was just about to cross over|to the other side,
when I heard the voice of an angel calling out,|and when I opened my eyes,
I saw my sweet, sweet Jason|standing over me.
And I said,|"Back off, Grim Reaper.
I ain't done living yet."
And with every ounce of gas|I had left in my body,
I burped that meatball|right across the room.
And I owe it all to my son.
I'm sorry, Miss Caldwell.|I should stop talking now.
Thank you.
- [Door Opens ]|-Jason!
I am so sorry!.
You just take your time|handing in that assignment.
Thank you.
Now back to those|creative assignments. You, Trevor. Go.
[School Bell Rings ]
Oh! J ust who I was looking for.|I need to see you in here.
I would love to hang out|and chat with you, Miss "C."
But I've got to get home|and take care of my daddy.
Oh, really?.
How could you lie to us,Jas?|You told me you wrote that paper.
I don't know. Unfortunately that essay |counts for 1/3 of Jason's grade.
Without it, he's gonna fail the class.|He'll have to repeat the course in summer school.
What?. I can't go|to summer school.
There must be something|he can do to make this up.
I'm teaching English as a second language|at the community college until 6:00.
If you can get me the paper by then,|I'll consider counting it.
And don't even think about|downloading something from the Net.
- I want the essay handwritten.|- A thousand-word story in three hours?.
That should be no problem since making up stories|seems to be your God-given talent.
[ Dad's Voice ] Making up stories|seems to be your God-given talent.
[ Thinking ]|Big...
fat... Iiar.
Kenny Trooper was|the world's biggest liar.
They say a little lie|can grow bigger and bigger.
One man will pay the price.
People everywhere stopped|and stared at the big fat liar.
Yes!
Why'dhe have to steal|my skateboard today?
Nice wheels, Shepherd!|[ Laughing ]
Freak!
Uh, sir?.|I think we just hit a kid.
I'm on the phone!
Sorry. Apparently we ran over|a kid or something.
You all right there, buddy?.|Yeah.
But you gotta help me out.|I have to get to the community|college in two minutes...
or I'm gonna fail|out of eighth grade.|What's going on here?.
- I need a ride.|- What, am I running a taxi service?.
It's right down the road. You're lucky|I don't sue you for whiplash.
Actually...|my neck does feel pretty stiff.
[ Groaning]
Get in the car.
Watch the shoes!|Watch the shoes!
Man! If you only knew|the kind of day I've had!
Yeah, it must be really,|really tough to be 1 1.
I'm actually 1 4.|Oh, my mistake.
Jason Shepherd.
Marty Wolf.
Famous Hollywood producer.
[ Scoffs ] I'm in town|shooting my new picture.
Oh, yeah, you're that guy.
Dude, no offense, but you have made|some stinkers in the last few years.
- Yeah, well, everyone|has a dry spell, Ebert.|- It's Jason.
Trust me. All it takes is one hit|to get you back on top.
Yeah, that's what I'm counting on|with this story I'm handing in.
Oh, really?. Why don'tyou|tell me more about that?.
I tried to get out of it,|but my teacher busted me.
What'd you go with,|dog ate your homework?.
- No. Dad choked on a meatball.|- And you spent all night with him in the E.R.?
Yeah.
Your teacher called the old man to confirm,|you imitated his voice on the cell phone?.
Yeah, pretty much.
All right, listen and learn, short stack.|Here's where you went wrong.
You should've forged the doctor's note,|made your dad your sister...
and changed the meatball|into a chicken wing.
It's much easier to swallow|if you G.M.D...which means "Get my drift."
Wow. You're good.
No, no, no. I'm the best.
- Here we are.|- All right, God bless you,Jared.
- It's Jason.|- And it always will be.
Keep practicing those lies,Jiminy.
'Cause you can take it from me.|The truth?. It's overrated.
Now get out!
I got a movie to produce!
Thanks for the ride, gentlemen.
Ciao.
Hey-o! You left--
- Back to the set, sir?.|- Yeah. Double-time it, driver.
Listen, Whitaker,|I'm noty our sister, I'm not your girlfriend,
and I'm not your priest.|[ Clucking]
So if you wanna remain my partner,|I've got two words for you.
Shut the heck up!|You talkway too much!
Can we cut?. Can we--|[ Coughing ]
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"Big Fat Liar" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/big_fat_liar_4044>.
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