Big Fat Liar Page #2

'Cause this ain't working|for me at all.

What do you think you're doing?.|Fumigating me in here?.

Move!|Moving.

Why did you call cut?. I did not|tell you to stop acting, Urkel.

Wolf, how many times|have I told you not to call me Urkel?.

My name is Jaleel White, okay?.

Urkel was a character|I played when I was a child.

Okay,Jaleel.|Hey, what's the problem?.

Wanna know the problem?.|Yeah.

I'm getting nothing|from the chicken,|that's the problem.

He sits there with his head slumped over.|I have no idea what my motivation is.

Mmm. Okay, you're|a police officer named Fowl.

Your new partner is a crime-fighting|chicken named Whitaker.

And your motivation is a nice|fat paycheck that's keeping you out...

of working the drive-through window at McDonald's.|Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch yourself, Wolf.|Watch yourself.

No, you watch yourself, pal.

You're just lucky I'm not making you|wear the freaky glasses and suspenders.

I swear. I was riding down the street|on Jamie's old bike and some limo hit me.

They offered me a ride.|I spilled all my stuff. I must've forgotten the paper.

Give us one reason|whywe should believe you.

Because it's true!

There was some guy in the limo.|Marty something. Maybe he took it.

What are our options?.

Without the essay,|summer school.

Or... summer school.

[Man]|Today, students,

we're going to learn about|the joys of a special friend...

I like to call Mr. Semicolon.

[Student Coughing]

The semicolon was first used...

in a 1734 letter|to British Parliament...

by Mr.Jedediah Wilkinson.

W-I -L...

I--|[ Snoring ]

Help... me.

Jason, you must've made|at least one friend.

Yeah, come to think of it,the kid behind me|who kept flicking boogers at my neck,

he seemed like|a really nice guy.

I shouldn't even be|in that stupid summer school.

Ifit makes you feel any better,|my parents are taking an adventure.

They're going on a river rafting|trip in the Grand Canyon.|But do I get an adventure?. No.

My big adventure is staying|at my Grandma Pearl's|with her toe fungus.

Well, you can hang out|at my place.

My folks are taking a long|weekend at some health spa|for their anniversary.

It'll just be me and Jamie|from Thursday till Sunday.

[Preview Narrator]|In a time...

when a little lie...

can grow bigger...

and bigger,

one man will pay the price.

Next summer,|people everywhere...

will stop and stare.

Marty Wolf Pictures presents...

Kenny Trooper,

the Bi g Fat Liar.

[ Kaylee ]|What do you think? Wanna see it?

See it?. I thi nk I wrote it.

[ Dad]|Not that again,Jason.|I'm telling you!

Wait a minute.|This is it.

Big Fat Liar is already being touted|as next summer's must-see movie event.

I recently sat down|with Marty Wolf,

the mastermind behind|this sure-to-be--

That's him!|That's the guy from the limo.

- How'd you come up with this idea?|- Some ideas you...

struggle and struggle with.

But the great ones,|well, they just come to you.

Yeah! From my backpack,|you loser!

-Jason.|- Dad.

I'm serious.|That guy stole my paper.

You have to believe me.

I can't.

Ijust don't trust you right now,Jas.

Have a nice weekend, kids.

We will.|[Mom ]|See you on Sunday. Have fun.

Look out for your brother.|Bye-bye.

We'll miss you guys.

[ Groans ]

Later.|I 'm going over to Rudy's.

- Rudy.|- Yo, what's up, dog?

How you living, yo?.

It's crackin', kid!

Peace out, little "G."

Booyah!

He's not literally|a catcher eating rye bread.

It's more of a metaphor|for a state of adolescent angst.

- We need to talk.|- I'm tutoring.

Bet you wish you still had|your skateboard, huh, Shepherd?

Let's see.|Fully-developed brain.

Skateboard.

- I think I'll take the brain.|- But I have your skateboard.

-Kaylee, pack your bags. We're going on a trip.|-I can't just go to Los Angeles.

And I can't go through my life|having my parents think I'm a liar.

But you are a liar.|In general that's true.

But this time I'm telling the truth.|I wrote that paper.

And I'm not gonna rest until Wolf admits|he stole it and my parents know it.

What are we supposed to do?.|Walk across the country?.

Three years of yard work and baby-sitting money.|Our flight leaves in two hours.

What about my Grandma Pearl?|I'm staying at her house|while my parents are away.

That woman doesn't|even know what year it is.

You said you wanted an adventure.

We'll go to L.A., I'll get my paper,|and we'll be back before the long weekend is over.

My grandma will notice|if I don't even show up at all.

[Bret ] Hey, Kaylee,|you got a plunger?

I took a dookie and|I clogged up the toilet. Oh, boy. Oh, no.

What a mess.|[ Laughing ]

This is never gonna work.|She's not that blind and senile. Oh, it'll work.

If any of my team mates|see me, Shepherd, you're dead.

Hey, we made a deal. You want us to do|your summer school homework or not?.

Yeah, it's just--|It's only a few days.

And remember. You have to|make your voice sound like a girl's.

Come on, big feller.

Who's there?. I've got a gun.

It's just Kaylee, Grandma.

Kaylee?.

You can't be Kaylee.|You've grown so tall.

And you're so muscular!

[ Laughs ]|I'm benching like 220, 230.

Good for you!|Give me a hug.

Come on.

# Me, myself and I#

# Me, myself and I|Just me, myself and I#

# Ahh-ahh-ahh#

[Woman Over P.A. System:|Indistinct ]

Follow my lead.|Okay.

Hi. I'm Mr. Stroog.

[ Laughs ]

You serious?.|Is there a problem?.

No, no. Uh--

Just you're kind a young to be the biggest|fur coat distributor of the Midwest, you know?.

It's a family business. I've been|selling pelts since I was a baby.

Okay.

I'm Frank.

Frank, we want to get some sightseeing in| before we start covering this town in fur.

Okay. So this here|is a little place I like to call...

Los Angeles.

# Me, myself, myself and I#

#Just me, myself#

# Do it all the time #

# I wanna get by #

# And that's fine #

# Me, myself, myself and I|Just me, myself and I #

# Me, myself, myself and I|Just me, myself and I ##

Thanks for the I ift, Frank.|We'll take it from here. You got it, Mr. Stroog.

Here's my card. If you need|a ride, give me a shout-out.

Thanks.

[Man ]|Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Ron, your driver,|and I am Arthur, your tour guide.

So, what's the plan?.

When we get to Wolf's building,|we jump off, infiltrate his office,

make him admit|he stole my story.

That's it?. That's the lamest|plan I've ever heard.

Trust me.|It's gonna work.

[Tour Guide ]|So stay tuned.

This is the back lot where|many of our hit movies are made.

And speaking of movies, in just|a few days we're beginning filming...

next summer's smash sensation--|Come on, fol low me.

Big Fat Liar!

Excuse me, guard?.|Where's stage two?.

Security! Let's go!

Can I take a moment to say:|How totally awesome is this?.

[ Phone Rings ]|Marty Wolf Pictures.

Please hold.

Marty Wolf Pictures.|Please hold. Can I help you?.

We're here to see Marty Wolf.|Do you have|an appointment?.

I ask you,

Astrid,|what kind of sick world this is...

when children need an appointment|to see their own father?.

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