Big Fat Liar Page #3

Mr. Wolf|doesn't have children.

- Not that he knows of.|- Shh.

Look, this is gonna be|an emotional reunion for all of us,

so once you let us in, you're probably gonna|wanna hold Papa's calls as well.

Mr. Wolf doesn't see anyone|without an appointment.

Marty Wolf Pictures.

No, she stepped away.

I'd love to take a message.|You've got it.

If you'd slow down--

Help me out.|Help me out.|No. No.

Help me out. Help me out.|Help me out. No. No. No. Okay.

Oh.

Marty Wolf Pictures.|One moment, please.

Operator.|Hi. Marty Wolf Pictures, please.

[ Panting, Barks ]|[Phone Rings ]

Marty Wolf Pictures.|Astrid Barker, please?.

Speaking.|This is Doris Del Rio down in parking.

- Do you drive a Saturn?|- Yes.

- Well, it's um--|- It's parked on a dog.

- I'm not gonna say that.|- Come on!

- Hello?.|- Your car's parked on a dog.

Your car is parked on a dog.

My car is parked on a dog?.

Yes, ma'am. In the tail area|to be more specific.

[ Gagging ]|It's gruesome, actually.

- Listen for yourself.|- [Jason Barking ]

[ Barking, Whining ]

Hang on, okay?.|I'm coming! Don't die!

Just stay! Keep breathing!|Think ofa happy place.

All right,|keep a lookout.

I'm sure this thing will be over|in just a few minutes.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues ]

Marty Wolf Pictures.|Can I take a message?.

Mr. Wolf is about|to go into a meeting.

Uh-huh. San-- Sandler.|Mm-hmm.

[Wolf] We're not just looking|for my personal organizer, Monty.

That thing is my life!|Ifyou've lost it, then you've killed me.

Simple as that.|Draw a I i ne of chal k around me,|because I am dead!

[ Monty]|I understand that.|No, you don't.

You always say that.|No, you don't!

[Monty]|Did you check your jacket pocket?

What do I look like, a moron?.|No, if you remember|that one time--

Fine, Monty, fine.|If it'll make you happy, I'll check my jacket pocket.

It's in there.

[ Sighs ]

Uh, hello?. Excuse me.|Hey, how's it goin'?.

Ah, who are you?.|Jason Shepherd.

Remember me?.|I wrote Big Fat Liar.

Ah-- [ Laughs ]

Monty, hold my calls.

Give me a few minutes alone|here with Mr. Shepherd.

Well, well, well.

Jason Shepherd!|The young man from Greenbury, Michigan.

I must tell you,|this is quite a surprise.|What can I do for you, amigo?.

I want you to call my dad|and tell him you stole the story from me.

Call your dad?. Why?.

Because it's the truth, and you're|the only one he'll believe.

You traveled halfway|across the country...

to get me to call your dad|and tell him you did your homework?.

You make that phone call,|and you will never hear from me again.

- Okay.|- Really?.

Yup.

It's a great piece ofwork, kid.|And I'm not just blowing smoke.

I refer back to it whenever|I get in a bind on the script.

So you'll give it back to me|and make the phone call?.

Hey, you gave me my movie.|It's the very least I can do for you.

Hey...|you smoke cigars, hotshot?.

I'm... 1 4, Wolf.

All right, suit yourself.

Jason Shepherd|ofGreenbury, Michigan--

Ahh. It was a pleasure|doing business with ya.

- Oh! What have I done?.|- No! No!

Stand back, son! Let me try and|tamp it out with this lit cigar.

Oh, I seem to be|making matters worse.

Good move!

Hold on, help is on the way.

Stand back!

Oh! Ohhh.

You're sick!|You know that?.

All I wanted you to do was call my dad|and tell him I wrote that paper!

Or else what?. You gonna|shoot me with a spitball, hmm?.|Gonna give me a wedgie?.

Grow up, Shepherd!|This is Hollywood, baby.|It's a dog-eat-dog town.

Worse. We got cats eatin' cats.|We got fish munchin' fish.

We play by our own rules.|[ Chuckling ]

I am not leaving|until you make that call!

Oh, I'll make a call, all right.|Malone speaking.

Rocco, this is the Wolf.|Senda couple of your boys|down here. I got a Code "W"

Another angry writer|refusing to leave. Wolf out.

- I tried to play fai r, Wolf,|but you asked for it!|- [ Fake Whimpering ]

You asked for it. You don't|know who you're messing with!|Come on!

Thanks for holding.|Can you spell Soderbergh for me?.

Thanks, Steven.|I'll have Mr. Wolf return.|[Phone Ringing]

Marty Wolf Pictures.|[Jason ]|No,you don't understand!

Let go! I'm telling you.|It was my idea.

Oh, yeah, and I wrote|The Nutty Professor.|I heard it all before.

Uh... hi.

Hey, Astrid. Adam Sandler|called to set up a lunch.

I sent some flowers|to Meg Ryan 'cause she|sounded like she had a cold.

Oh, and I scheduled|a deep body massage for you at 3:.00.

You look like you can use|a little "you" time.

Thank you, kind stranger.

What can I say?.|This is Hollywood, Kaylee.|It's a fish-eat-fish town.

They play by their own rules out here.

Does that mean we're going home?.|We're going home... as soon as|Wolf admits he stole my story.

I'm not trying to be negative,|but didn't we just find out Wolf|isn't going to admit the truth?.

He'll do it.|How?.

'Cause I have his life|in the palm of my hand.|Great, so we're stealing now.

We're not stealing.|We're borrowing.

I've got Wolf's alarm codes,|credit card numbers, his schedule.

So?.|So this is awesome.

Give me one day and I'll figure out|a way to use this info against him.

I don't know,Jas.

I can't go home|until my dad knows the truth.

If you saw the way|he looked at me. It was like--

I don't know.|Like I wasn't his kid anymore.

Do you think your plan|might include food|and a place to sleep?.

The guard!|Let's get outta here!

Let's check out|that warehouse.

Looks like we found|our temporary home.

[Kaylee ]|Look at all this stuff.

Oh!

All right, Kay, we're gonna need|clothes and supplies.|Let's hunker down...

until the law dogs punch out,|and start racking up the merch.

What are you talking about?.

We'll stay here until closing time|and then we go shopping.

# The party's just begun#

# Everybody's having fun#

# Why don't we run away #

# And play some one-on-one #

# Let's find a place|just you and me #

# With no one around#

# Where we can be|who we wanna be #

# And no one brings us down #

# I, I wish|this night would never end#

# I, I wish|this night would never end#

# We're on our own|Just me and you #

# No one around#

# Where we can do|what we wanna do #

# I hope we're never found#

# I, I wish|this night would never end#

# I wish this night|would never end##

[ Knocking Sound]

J as?.

I 'm at the beach.

Hey, Frank. Mr. Stroog.|Meet us at the studio gate in 20.

- Hey.|- [ Panting ]

- What's with the Cokes?.|- The machine, it's rigged.|They're free.

[ Hysterical Laughing ]|They're free!

[Jason ] Good morning, Frank.|Let's get moving.

We've got furs to sell.|Yeah.

Fur coat king of|the Midwest, my butt!

I've got some R-rated|dialogue for you,|but I'm gonna keep it P.G.

I'm gonna keep it P.G.|You owe me $1 00|for yesterday's ride.

- Maybe--|- You almost cost me my job.

- I'm sorry, I can explain.|- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D! Hear that?.

-Just--|- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

- Maybe if we--|- I don't wanna hear it. Okay?.

- I know, I just--|- D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

- If you--|- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!

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