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Big Fat Liar Page #4
- If-- Don't--|- D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!|D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D!
I'm sorry. It's just that|we came out here to get even|with this guy Marty Wolf.
- He stole my story. He's making|it into this big movie.|- Whoa.
- Did you just say MartyWolf?.|- Yeah. You know him?.
Know him?. I used to drive him.|He fired me last year.
- Why?.|- I'm an actor. See?.
Right? And I made the mistake|of asking him if I could|audition for one ofhis movies.
He could've said no|and not let me audition.
But instead he takes my head shot,|writes "loser" across my forehead,
and then faxes it to every|casting director in town.
You poor thing.
If you guys wanna mess|with Wolf, I got your back.
[Jason's Voice ]|Today, it's know the enemy time.
Right on schedule.
[Wolf] Okay, people, we begin|production in two days.
Dusty! El director.|First up's the big stunt.
I wanna start this shoot off|with a bang! I wanna blow them away|right out of the gate! Hit me!
- Rock and rol l, baby,|I am ready to party.|- Go!
Okay! Harumph! We open.|Twelve different camera angles.
Smoke ascending|from the streets of the city.
Kastang!|Birds descending from the heavens...
like winged messengers|from above, beckoning.
[ Wolf]|Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Confucius say,|"Easy does it, skippy."
I can barely afford one camera,|let alone twelve. And forget the birds.
Monty, talk to me|about the budget.
We're two million dollars over, and the|studio hasn't approved the new budget.
When are they supposed|to do that?.
Tomorrow morning you have a breakfast|meeting at Marcus Duncan's house.
[ Scoffing ] Oh. I have a breakfast|meeting at Marcus Duncan's house.
You can tell our little|vice president he can drag|his sorry butt to myplace...
if he wants to have a little sit-down|chin-wag with the Wolf Man.
Actually, sir,
he's not the V.P. anymore.
[ Clears Throat ]|He's the president.
I see. Well, um,
get his address,|we don't wanna be late now, do we?.
Next!
Now, for a big movie,|you need a big stunt.
And for a big stunt, you need|serious media coverage.
I'm talkin' TV, print,|that Internet crap, everything.
Now who's handling that?.|I am.
Jocelyn Davis,|senior V.P. of publicity.
Yeah?. Sure you're not senior V.P.|of Twinkies?. [ Chuckling ]
Ooh, funny.
I'll make sure the shoot|is well-covered.|Terrific!
Okay, people, meeting's over.|What's next, Monty?
Cool!|1 2:
30, stunt demonstration.- What do you think, Marty?. Nice, huh?.|- Perfect. What do you think?.
- Bam! Loved it.|- Yeah, but actually, I think...
I liked it better the first time|I saw it... in 1 942,
you dinosaur!
Vince, meet my new effects whiz,|Lester Golub.|Pleasure to meet--
Shh! Lester is going to design|the stunt on his iBook.
And your stunt guy's gonna do|whatever the computer tells him to do.
I don't need a computer|to show me how to do myjob.
Geek boy, ignore FatherTime|over here and get workin'.
From the looks of you, I'm sure|that you don't have a social life.
So you two will get together tomorrow|to finalize the details. Play nice.
I'm offtomorrow.|I'm taking a personal day.
I-- What was that?.
Personal day?. Wh-What|are you talking about, Vince?.|What's a personal day?.
I'm taking my granddaughter|to a birthday party.
- Ahh! Oh. May I?.|- Sure.
Oh, that is great!|Would you look at that!
Clown with the crazy hair!
Oh, man!
Man, that's fun.
See, this is the movie business,|Grandpa! The talkies!
You know?. You can take|your personal day in a year|or two when you're dead!
[Jason ] Today we learned|we're officially dealing|with the meanest man alive!
All right, colored dye.|Check.
MegaGlue.|Check.
Oh, my God.
Grandma Pearl. Bret must be|in a living hell right now.
[ Grunting ]
How many more, Kaylee?.
Fifty.|I gotta get ripped, baby.
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!|Feel no burn!
'Cause I'm the best, baby!|I'm the best!
You know, Grandma, you should think|about getting into shape yourself.
One more, Grandma!|One more, Grandma!
It's all you! I ain't helping!|Last one! Yeah!
[Phone Ringing]
[ Game Ringing, Beeping ]|[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing ]|Hello?.
- Hey,Jas.|- Hey, Dad!
Just called to see|how you were doing.
- Um, doing good. You know,|staying out of trouble.|- What's that noise?.
Just doing this experiment|for science class, this thing|with ball bearings and bells.
Just wanted to check in 'cause|you looked upset when we left.|Yeah, about that, Dad.
I just want you to know,|I totally get what you said|about the whole trust thing.
I think when you get back,|you'll see I've been trying|really hard to earn it.
- Glad to hear it, pal.|- Good night, Dad.
- Night.|- Call forwarding. Gotta love it.
You really think|this is gonna work?.
One day. That's all it's gonna take.|Wolf's not gonna know what hit him.
Jas, little help here.
What about your parents?.|Think they'll call?.
They're in the middle|of the canyon. There's no phones.
Hey, thanks for|coming out here with me.
I came for the adventure,|remember?.
Right.
Anyway, we shouldget|some sleep.
- Tomorrow we launch phase two.|- Whoa!
It's show time,|Mr. Funny bones.
[ Laughing ]|You cute little monkey, you!
You!
## [ Humming ]|Look out! Pss! Pss! Pss!
"Ow!' Pss! Pss! Pss!|"Cut it out, Marty!
Hey, that kills, Marty."|[ Laughing ]
[ Sighs ]|Hungry!
# Dark in the city|Night is a wire#
# Steam in the subway|Earth is afire #
# Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do-do, do-do #
# Woman you want me|Give me a sign #
# And catch my breathing|even closer behind#
# Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do-do, do-do #
Mr. Earpiece,|meet Miss MegaGl ue.
# I'm on the hunt|I'm afteryou #
# Smell like I sound|I'm lost in a crowd#
# And I'm hungry|like the wolf#
# Straddle the line|in discord and rhyme #
# I'm on the hunt|I'm afteryou #
# Mouth is alive|with juices like wine #
# And I'm hungry|like the wolf#
# Stalked through the forest|too close to hide #
# I'll be upon you|by the moonlight sign #
# Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do-do, do-do #
Let's dance, Funnybones!
# High blood drumming|on your skin, it's so tight #
# You feel my heat|I'm just a moment behind#
# Do-do-do-do|do-do-do-do-do, do-do ##
Oh, my God!
[ Ringing ]
Good morning.|Marty Wolf Pictures. This is Monty.
Monty! Charisma from|Marcus Duncan's office.
I'm temping for a second assistant.
I am so psyched you're there.|I was watching Charmed|on the W.B. last night...
and just as Alyssa Milano|was about to put a spell|on her demon boyfriend,
I had the biggest panic attack|that I forgot to give you|Duncan's new address.
Really?. I didn't know he moved.|That was quick.
Oh, yeah, in a big way. He bought|like the sickest pad in the 90210.
We're talking mondo bucks.|[Laughing]
Anyhoo, tell Mr. Wolf|that Duncan lives at...
All right.|Thanks. Got it.
It's Monty. I'm glad I caught you.|Duncan moved.
Cancel the meeting.
And get one of the makeup chicks|to meet me at the office.|This is an emergency.
No, no. You cannot cancel|the meeting.
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"Big Fat Liar" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/big_fat_liar_4044>.
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