Big Fat Liar Page #5

If Duncan doesn't approve|the new budget, we can't|start shooting tomorrow.

[ Laughing ] I don't think|you understand, Monty. I'm blue.

Aw, come on.|Now, we all have our off days.

[ Laughing ]

No, I mean I'm literally--

And I've got orange--|[ Groans ]

Come on, Wolf Man.

Okay, forget it.

Give me his address.|I'll figure something out.

Copy that.

Did you come up with an ending|for the scriptyet?.

I'm working on it.

I'm headed across the lot|to do some research, but...|I could use a little help.

Monty, I am writing and producing|a major motion picture.

I don't have time to work on|the script! That's your job.

Now, stop wasting time|and get to work!

I'm 24 hours away from the most|important shoot of my career.

Wolf out!|Ow! Oh, G--

- Get glasses, Grandma!|- Upyours, blue boy!

Aah.

[ Car Lock Chirps ]

- Yeah, I'm, uh--|- [ Speaking Spanish ]

Uh-huh.

Got the alarm codes?|I'm all over it.

Rough. Sister,|I invented the word rough.

Duncan will be eating|sugar cubes out of my hand by|the time I'm finished with him.

Right.

What the--

It's the clown! Let's hurt him!|[ Yelling ]

Excuse me--

- [ Screaming ]|- I need backup!

[Boy]|Incoming!

[ All Yelling ]

I'm a very powerful|Hollywood producer!

What am I doing here?|Don't touch that, don't|touch that, don't touch--

You kids are all gonna|be hearing from my lawyer!|Don't let him get away!

Get off of me!|You wanna dance, kid?. Let's dance!

You want a piece of me?.|You want a piece of me?.

You're going down, clown!

Good, bring it! I'm Marty Wolf!.|You have any idea who I am?.

Come on, four eyes, huh?.

Hey, head's up, clown!

- [ Yelling ]|- [ Yelling ]

[Boy]|You're not even funny, clown!

[ Line Ringing ] Hello?.|Monty, where the hell|did you send me?.

Because it sure|wasn't Duncan's house!|How was I supposed to know?.

Don't speak,just listen.|Whatever you do, you gotta|get me in there with Duncan!

I'll just reschedule|the meeting, Marty! Geez!

Okay. That's all|you had to say.

Adios, sugarpuff!.|[ Shouts ]

[ Horn Honking ]|Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- What the--|- [ Honking Stops ]

[ Horn Honks Three Times ]

[ Sighs ]

## [ Car Radio:
Loud Rock ]

## [Rock Continues ]

Stop!

[ Alarm Blaring ]

Hey, Marty, I like your new coloring.|It works foryou.

You did this?.|Yup.

And it can end anytime.|All you have to do is make|one phone call to my dad.

Shouldn't be much of a|problem since that headset|is superglued toyour ear!

Here's my dad's number.

Hi.

Call me.|Bye-bye.

Rotten kids!

[ Horn Honking,|Alarm Blaring ]

Shepherd!

[ Alarm Blaring,|Loud Rock Blaring ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[ Horn Honks ]

- That's it!|- [ Noises Stop ]

Oh... my... God!

I'm gonna kill you!|Take it easy, man.|It wasn't my fault.

- The oldbag rear-endedme.|- Eat my boobies, blue boy!

That's very nice. That's really charming|from a woman of your advanced years.

Have a nice day!|It's just the tire.

You're gonna pay for this!

All right, listen... "Masher"|I'm sure we can come to|some monetary arrangement.

Yeah, that's what I thought,|tough guy!

- Who's the tough guy now, pal?.|- [ Tires Squealing ]

Oh, no. Come on.

No, dude, no.|Back off, man! No way!

[Screaming]

Two meetings in a row, Monty.

This is not the way to get on|the new president's good side.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sure there must be|some explanation.

They told me to pick up|a little blue car.

They didn't say anything about|a little blue man!

[Laughing]

[ Phone Rings ]|You got the Wolf.

Where are you?.|I am at Duncan's office right now!

I'm, uh--|I'm not gonna make it.

You, uh, tell him it's|your fault and reschedule.

I am not gonna lie to the new|president ofthe studio, Marty.

Don't get all high and mighty|on me, Monty, 'cause if |I go down, you're ridin' shotgun,

Tootsie Roll-- now,|make something up!

And I'll smooth things over|with him at the premiere.

- Fine.|- Wolf, out!

Hi, everybody. I'm Pat O'Brien,|and welcome to Tinseltown.

Well, here we are again,|this time at the world premiere|of producer Marty Wolf's...

action comedy,|Whitaker and Fowl.

So this must be a very|exciting evening for you.

Oh, yes! You know, it's just good|to get the past behind me...

and finally be taken|seriously as an actor.

Can I give a shout-out?.|Oh, my God,|it's the chicken!

[ Clucking ]

[ Crowd Clamoring, Applauding ]|Whitaker, over here!

Well, it looks like all of Hollywood|has turned out for this one.

But the question is,|where is Marty Wolf?.

Oh!|[ Woman ]|Oh, sweet Moses!

What is that?|Don't look in his eyes.

- Hey there, Marty.|- H-Hi!

Ready to end this?.

[ Laughs ]|Oh, kid.

You have no idea|who you are dealing with.

You think I care about|a couple of little pranks?. Nah.

[ Laughs ]|See you around, Shepherd.

[Phone Dialing]

[Phone Ringing]|Hello?.

This is J-Dog calling K-Bird.|Repeat,J-Dog calling K-Bird.

-Jas, is that you?.|- Yeah. I'm using code names.

Wolf didn't throw in the towel.|We're moving into phase three.

- What's phase three?.|- We're goin' to our first|Hollywood soiree.

I didn't know what to expect,|but all ofa sudden|it's like bam! Bad movie!

Can you say "boring"?.

Like when you did Saved by|the Bell. Quality, okay?.

I mean, substance.|Worst film in the world.

[ Whitaker Clucking,|Guests Chattering]

Whoa! There he is!

El Presidente.|## [ Humming "Hail to the Chief" ]

Ah. And his wife,|the very lovely Shaniqua.

It's Shandra.|Great to see ya.

Well?. I mean, I think|they loved it! Don'tyou?.

I think that sad excuse for a movie|just lost the studio $30 million.

I'm pulling the plug|on Big Fat Liar.

- What?.|- It's over, Wolf.

Look,just hear me out.

The truth is-- Would you|excuse us please, Shananny?.

The truth is, I missed those|meetings because I had...

an incredible breakthrough on B.F.L.,|which I was working on all day,

and I wanted to wait until we were|in front of the entire industry...

to make mypresentation.

One chance, Wolf,|that's all I'm givin' you.|And that's all I need.

Strap on your seat belt,|Dr. Duncanstein,

because you are|about to be blown away.

- Monty!|- Sorry. Marty!

God! What's going on?.

What is this big presentation|you're giving about the movie?.

I have no idea! None!

None. It is--|[ Blows Raspberry]

- I can help you.|- [ Gasps ]

Why do you keep|showing up in my life?.

Sounds like you need to come up with|some big idea for Big Fat Liar. Right?.

What?.

Some ten-year-oldkidis gonna|tell me how to fix my entire movie?

First of all, I'm 1 4.|Second of all, I created the story.

You think I can't at least|come up with a few good twists?

- Uh-huh.|- No--

You mean that this kid|really did write Big Fat Liar?

Uh-- No, he wrote|a little English paper...

with the same title--|big deal.

I-It's-- It--|Uh--

He's--

- Don't do it,Jason.|- Kid.

I swear to you,|you get me out of this mess,

and I'll tell your dad|you wrote Big Fat Liar,

Erin Brockovich and|Saving Private Ryan too.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

Friends! Uh, if I can have your|attention for just a moment, please?.

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