Big Fat Liar

[Man]|Hey,Jas,you awake?

Jason?|Hey,Jason,you awake?

Yeah, Dad, been up for hours.|J ust getting dressed.

Did you finish that paper|for English class?.|Yeah, did it last night.

Jas, did you eat|your oatmeal?.

Yeah, thanks, Mom.|It was delicious.

Here you go, Trooper.|# Is something wrong with me#

# Orthe way that I'm thinking|Come on, come on#

# And tell me|why you're staring#

# Come on, come on--#

[ All Chuckling ]

Nice board, Shepherd.

Bret, I would love|to hang around...

and be physically and|emotionally abused by you guys,

but I should probably|get to school.

Ow. See, I had a feeling|you were an excellent bully.

And I was right.|Take it easy.

Give me|the skateboard.|You sure?.

'Cause now you're going from harmless|bully to hardened boardjacker.

I don't think you wanna|do that, do you?.

[School Bell Ringing]

# Come on, come on and tell me|why you're staring#

# Come on, come on|and stop ##

I assume everyone|has completed their creative|writing assignments.

- [ Pager Ringing ]|- I don't want to hear excuses.

Ijust want to hear|your assignments readaloud|in a slow and peaceful--

- You,Joshua. Go.|- Uh, my dog ate it?

- I know you don't have a dog.|- Right. Sorry.

- Miss Caldwel I ?.|- Yes, Kaylee?

Can you open the door?.|I t's kinda toasty in here.

I suppose so.

[ Grunts ]

Jason Shepherd, did you just|come in from that window?.

No. You looked flushed.|I was just creating a cross-draft.

Now that we're all comfortable,|why don'tyou read us your story?.

Let's give someone else a chance.|No, we'd like to hear yours.

You did do it, didn't you?.

Miss Caldwell--|can I call you Phyllis?.

- No.|- Understood.

But as much as I wanted|to write my paper--

I mean, I really, really wanted|to write my paper--

I couldn't.

And it's because I spent all last night|in the Greenbury General emergency room.

See, my mom made|Swedish meatballs for dinner.|It's my dad's favorite.

He was so excited, he accidentally|swallowed one whole.

It was awful! He started choking.|His faced turned purple.

The meatball was bulging out|ofhis neck. We rushed him to the E.R.

I kept trying to write my paper|in the waiting room,|but it was too hard.

I needed to be by my father's side.|After all, he's the only dad I got.

You're lying through your|teeth, you little demon.

I wish I were, Phyllis.|Call my dad if you want.

His number's 555-0147.

I think I will.

Are you crazy?.|You're totally gonna get busted.

Say "Harry Shepherd's office."|No way. Don't drag me into this.

- Come on. Help me out. What am I supposed to do?|- How about write the paper?.

- Do it. Do it!|- No. No!

Harry Shepherd's office.|One moment please.

[ Tired, SickVoice ]|Hello?. Oh, hello. Miss Caldwell.

Yes, it's true.|It was terrifying!

I started to see the white light.

I was just about to cross over|to the other side,

when I heard the voice of an angel calling out,|and when I opened my eyes,

I saw my sweet, sweet Jason|standing over me.

And I said,|"Back off, Grim Reaper.

I ain't done living yet."

And with every ounce of gas|I had left in my body,

I burped that meatball|right across the room.

And I owe it all to my son.

I'm sorry, Miss Caldwell.|I should stop talking now.

My throat is still very sore.

Thank you.

- [Door Opens ]|-Jason!

I am so sorry!.

You just take your time|handing in that assignment.

Thank you.

Now back to those|creative assignments. You, Trevor. Go.

[School Bell Rings ]

Oh! J ust who I was looking for.|I need to see you in here.

I would love to hang out|and chat with you, Miss "C."

But I've got to get home|and take care of my daddy.

Oh, really?.

How could you lie to us,Jas?|You told me you wrote that paper.

I don't know. Unfortunately that essay |counts for 1/3 of Jason's grade.

Without it, he's gonna fail the class.|He'll have to repeat the course in summer school.

What?. I can't go|to summer school.

There must be something|he can do to make this up.

I'm teaching English as a second language|at the community college until 6:00.

If you can get me the paper by then,|I'll consider counting it.

And don't even think about|downloading something from the Net.

- I want the essay handwritten.|- A thousand-word story in three hours?.

That should be no problem since making up stories|seems to be your God-given talent.

[ Dad's Voice ] Making up stories|seems to be your God-given talent.

[ Thinking ]|Big...

fat... Iiar.

Kenny Trooper was|the world's biggest liar.

They say a little lie|can grow bigger and bigger.

One man will pay the price.

People everywhere stopped|and stared at the big fat liar.

Yes!

Why'dhe have to steal|my skateboard today?

Nice wheels, Shepherd!|[ Laughing ]

Freak!

Uh, sir?.|I think we just hit a kid.

I'm on the phone!

Sorry. Apparently we ran over|a kid or something.

You all right there, buddy?.|Yeah.

But you gotta help me out.|I have to get to the community|college in two minutes...

or I'm gonna fail|out of eighth grade.|What's going on here?.

- I need a ride.|- What, am I running a taxi service?.

It's right down the road. You're lucky|I don't sue you for whiplash.

Actually...|my neck does feel pretty stiff.

[ Groaning]

Get in the car.

Watch the shoes!|Watch the shoes!

Man! If you only knew|the kind of day I've had!

Yeah, it must be really,|really tough to be 1 1.

I'm actually 1 4.|Oh, my mistake.

Jason Shepherd.

Marty Wolf.

Famous Hollywood producer.

[ Scoffs ] I'm in town|shooting my new picture.

Oh, yeah, you're that guy.

Dude, no offense, but you have made|some stinkers in the last few years.

- Yeah, well, everyone|has a dry spell, Ebert.|- It's Jason.

Trust me. All it takes is one hit|to get you back on top.

Yeah, that's what I'm counting on|with this story I'm handing in.

Oh, really?. Why don'tyou|tell me more about that?.

I tried to get out of it,|but my teacher busted me.

What'd you go with,|dog ate your homework?.

- No. Dad choked on a meatball.|- And you spent all night with him in the E.R.?

Yeah.

Your teacher called the old man to confirm,|you imitated his voice on the cell phone?.

Yeah, pretty much.

All right, listen and learn, short stack.|Here's where you went wrong.

You should've forged the doctor's note,|made your dad your sister...

and changed the meatball|into a chicken wing.

It's much easier to swallow|if you G.M.D...which means "Get my drift."

Wow. You're good.

No, no, no. I'm the best.

- Here we are.|- All right, God bless you,Jared.

- It's Jason.|- And it always will be.

Keep practicing those lies,Jiminy.

'Cause you can take it from me.|The truth?. It's overrated.

Now get out!

I got a movie to produce!

Thanks for the ride, gentlemen.

Ciao.

Hey-o! You left--

- Back to the set, sir?.|- Yeah. Double-time it, driver.

Listen, Whitaker,|I'm noty our sister, I'm not your girlfriend,

and I'm not your priest.|[ Clucking]

So if you wanna remain my partner,|I've got two words for you.

Shut the heck up!|You talkway too much!

Can we cut?. Can we--|[ Coughing ]

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