Big Game Page #3

And notice how I casually

carry my notes

to hide the offending area.

But then notice,

how when I give my address,

my voice doesn't crack,

my hand doesn't shake.

I command

the attention of the room.

Now inside, I'm a mess.

I'm terrified I'm gonna be

remembered in history

as the President

who pissed his pants.

But on the outside,

I'm a rock.

And what happened?

Nothing.

Nobody noticed.

The moment passed.

And...

There's only two people in the

entire universe who know about it.

Me.

And now, you.

But you can

keep a secret, right?

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that?

That, Mr. President,

was a deer.

A deer?

All right.

A deer. That's...

That's good, right?

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yes.

We're under the wind.

It's perfect.

Okay.

Under the wind.

That's good.

Happy birthday, by the way.

Mr. President.

What? You found some tracks?

A shoe.

A shoe?

Looks just like yours.

It must be your lucky day.

Yeah, yeah, my lucky day.

What the...

Jesus.

What?

What the hell?

Cable ties.

Morris, you piece of sh*t.

I think

we've found our small shoes.

Call in the chopper.

Ranger.

Go away.

Is something wrong?

What's this?

- It's from my dad.

- And it says?

He killed that deer for me.

I'm not a hunter. I'm nobody.

Oh, Oskari.

Not even my dad believes in me.

Hey, I know how you feel.

Here.

Take this.

What is it?

It's a reminder

that you found me,

you rescued me,

you protected me.

It's a reminder that

I believe in you.

What's wrong?

I don't think my plane

crash was an accident.

And the men who shot me down,

they're here,

and they're hunting me.

We need to go

our separate ways, okay?

Take all your knowledge of

these woods and these mountains

and get as far away from me

as you can.

But what about you?

I can take care of myself.

No, President,

I don't think you can.

Well, now,

if it isn't small shoes,

and the leader

of the free world.

I...

I have to say, Mr. President,

I am impressed

how you managed

to put up such a fight.

If only you...

You'd showed such leadership

in the White House,

maybe none of this

would have happened.

Hazar.

I got him.

Leave the boy out of this.

Let him go.

Sure.

Yo, Ewok,

or whatever you are,

time to get lost.

You hear him, Ranger.

Go. Go now!

President, you go.

Kid, you got some balls.

But when Hazar

and his goons get here

with their automatic weapons,

they'll make you a spit roast.

- You read me?

- Read this.

Not another step, I'm warning you.

Back off.

Back off!

I mean it!

Next time

you wanna shoot anyone,

first you gotta cock it.

Then again,

we both know there isn't

going to be a next time.

Why, you son of a b*tch?

If you're too damn stupid

to work it out,

I don't see why

I should tell you.

You know what?

I'm gonna actually

let you land one.

Come on. Free hit.

Come on!

Now, was that truly

your best shot?

My wife can

hit harder than that.

My mom can hit harder than that!

Playtime's over, kid.

Get lost.

Run, Ranger, run!

Run!

You son of a b*tch!

We've got something here.

An unidentified helo.

So let's identify it.

- Keep zooming in.

- Checking that tail number now.

- That's Kimmo's Safari.

- That's our bird.

Get that camera tracking north,

- in the direction the helo is flying.

- Sir.

There! On that mountain top.

Lock on it. Zoom in.

Jesus Christ.

It's the President.

Who the hell is that?

Anyone here got an ID?

Yeah, I do.

His name is Hazar.

He is the illegitimate son of one of

the richest oil sheiks in the Gulf.

He's not political,

he's not ideological,

he's not religious.

He's just a certified

grade-A psychopath.

I'm afraid the President

is in big trouble.

Do you know the traditions

in which the hunter poses with

his prey for a photograph?

All right.

You've had your fun.

Get on with it.

Well, this is

extraordinarily convenient.

Freeze box.

Here.

Yes, this could be perfect.

What are you talking about?

Well, I spoke to my taxidermist

about some logistics of

dealing with a human cadaver.

And apparently,

if I'm going to stuff him and mount him,

it's best that the body

is as fresh as possible.

You're gonna stuff him?

What else should one do

with a hunting trophy?

You're insane.

You're a very wealthy man.

I just transferred $10 million

to the agreed bank account.

Come on!

- Get in the box.

- What?

Get in the box.

My apologies.

First class was full.

Where the hell

are our Navy SEALs?

MC-130 is in the air.

They're ready for a helo drop,

but they're still

30 minutes out, madam.

If anybody has a clue how

to get us out of this mess,

now would be a good time

to speak up.

Who the hell is that?

- What are you doing here?

- Now I know.

Know what?

The forest did give me

something.

What?

Do you know what is even bigger

than the king of the forest?

- No.

- It's you.

I must take you to my dad.

The President

of the United States.

The load is slowing us down.

This whole area

is gonna be crawling

with US Special Forces

any moment now.

I just bagged the biggest

prize on the planet.

Try to enjoy it with me.

- What did he say?

- We've got a stowaway.

It's that damn kid!

Shake him off.

Return him back to his forest.

Ranger, Ranger, look out!

Hang on, they're trying

to knock you off.

Knock him off.

Use it like a wrecking ball.

Ranger, you shouldn't be here.

Don't worry, Mr. President.

- I will save you.

- Hang on!

Ranger! Ranger! Ranger!

Are you all right?

Get off!

- You have to jump!

- Oh, hell, no!

Now, shoot the boy, shoot him!

Shoot him!

No! No!

I got you! Come on!

Grab the strap!

I'll cut you loose.

No, no, no,

that's not a good idea.

- Close the lid.

- This is not a good idea!

No!

Hazar, get me

on the ground, now!

President, you okay?

How the hell did I survive that?

And where are my soldiers?

I'm the commander

of the biggest, bad-ass,

ass-kicking armed forces

on the planet.

Why aren't they scouring this

wilderness trying to rescue me?

There's no one to help us.

Not my dad, and not your army.

We have to help ourselves.

Instead of looking tough,

we have to be tough.

Right.

Okay.

Oh! Oskari, look out!

- This your idea of being tough?

- No.

This is.

No, Oskari, no. No!

What the hell are they doing?

We're gonna die!

You think we lost 'em?

I hope so.

Look.

Is that what I think it is?

Affirmative. We just found the

crash site of Air Force One.

- Give those GPS coordinates to the SEALs.

- Yes, sir.

Sh*t.

My dad is waiting for me.

We've got only one hour.

Can you swim?

Of course I can.

They're back.

We have to get in that plane.

Let's go.

Switch to thermal imaging.

They're going in.

Great.

Stick with me.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Oh!

Looks like the upper deck

may be clean.

Come on, swim with me.

Okay.

We're gonna be okay now.

All we have to do

is wait for the army.

But...

Don't worry.

I'll get you to your father.

What is that?

Well, if it's not the cavalry,

it can't be good.

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