Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son Page #3

---

What'd he say?

"It's in the music."

Yeah. You know, something like that.

And I thought he recognized my talent,

knew who the Prodi-G was.

"It's in the music"? Yeah.

Doesn't make sense,

just like everything else that comes out of your mouth.

What? I'm gonna tell you what don't make sense.

How they gonna let two fat ladies

go poking around this joint.

They have an opening for a house mother.

(IN GIRLISH VOICE) Say what?

(IN WOMANLY VOICE) Park your tush.

Tuck it! Right over there.

Hi, girl. Hi. Hi.

Hi.

She's expecting me. I's running a little late.

GAIL:
Come in!

May I help you?

Honey, it's me who's gonna help you,

and those poor, house motherless girls you got

just waiting for a positive role model.

Hattie Mae Pierce at your service,

but you can call me Big Momma.

Oh, yes. You e-mailed your rsum

for the house mother position.

Very qualified, but I think...

Well, thank you!

I will watch over those girls like they were my own.

But, Miss...

Big Momma, we haven't scheduled

any interviews, let alone...

(WHIMPERING)

Look at what those children did to me!

Performance art, my ass!

Beverly, what on earth?

Double-ply? A public school can afford double-ply

and I got to bring in my own Sweet'N Low?

Child, nobody deserves to be treated like that.

That's not the half!

Damn!

Child, you should quit while you

can still do a comb over.

No, Beverly, you promised us two weeks' notice.

You know, every day you don't demand

respect, you die just a little.

You die a little.

You know, she's right. Nothing's worth

living with those demon spawn!

"No child left behind."

Well, you watch me. I quit!

Can you start today?

Me? Oh, thank you! Sure!

Now, we don't pay very much.

Oh, don't worry about that.

Shoot, I grew up so poor,

we used to go down to Kentucky Fried Chicken

and lick other people's fingers.

Because we couldn't afford the chicken.

And you know, all the grease from

the chicken, we were like...

You know, there is one tiny little issue.

What's that?

Hey. What up?

Miss Gail, this is my great-niece,

Charmaine Daisy Pierce.

Hello. Hey.

So many girls! I feel like I'm at a Baskin-Robbins.

A festival of flavors!

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, um, it's so diverse here.

Ah, yes. Well, we do pride ourselves on diversity.

So tell me, Charmaine, do you think

that you're a good fit for GGSA?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mmm-hmm. I like to read.

And, uh, I like to, uh,

play music.

And I like salad.

Sweet, delicious, fresh fruit salad.

She's had a stressful few days.

She's only with me because of some family problems.

Mmm-hmm. My parents don't support my art.

They think it's a waste of time.

Oh, dear, that is awful. Well, you

have come to the right place.

And my stepfather's always working.

He has an important job in the government.

Which he uses to spy on me.

Ever told the truth, wouldn't have to.

Charmaine, you can audit classes

until your transcripts get here,

but I'm afraid, since it's the end of the year,

we don't have a roommate for you.

Oh, any ol' girl will do.

Oh, no. We don't want to put you out.

Charmaine'll just stay with her Big Momma.

But my shrink in juvie said I'd do better

with a role model my own age.

You'll be on the same floor as your peers.

Before you know it, you'll be bosom buddies.

(GASPS) Charmaine likes the sound of that!

GAIL:
Welcome to your new home.

I'll just show you to your room.

Some of the girls have gone to dinner,

so you'll just see them there.

Okay.

Oh, there's Mia! Mia.

(GASPS) Damn!

Mia, this is your new house mother, Big Momma,

and this is her niece, Charmaine, your new classmate.

Hi.

Mia is a very promising young actress.

Oh, I'm okay. I mean, I can do light

comedy, like Sandra Bullock.

Well, you know, before the Oscar.

But I really need to work on expanding my range,

in the way that Kate Winslet does.

And Mrs. Orth from Movement says that

I need to listen to my inner voice,

but there's just so many of them,

and the loudest one's always screaming,

"Delant's pulling away!"

My God! Delant's pulling away.

I think I should go now.

Girl, you need a hug!

She gets a little emotional. Who the hell is Delant?

Delant is the boyfriend.

Oh.

Gail, maybe we should freshen up before dinner.

All this transition is a bit much for Charmaine.

She should probably rest her eyes

or become unconscious for a moment or two.

I totally understand. Your room

is at the end of the hall.

Well, look at the wallpaper! It's so nice!

Look. There's a ballerina on the bed.

I'm Jasmine.

And here's the 411 you probably

didn't get on your tour.

I call the shots around here.

So, if you two stay out of the way,

we shouldn't have any problems.

Okay?

Now you listen to me, Tinker Bell.

Big Momma don't take orders from nobody.

Nobody.

We'll see about that.

Towel girl was nice.

I'm going to unpack.

You mind? Do you mind?

Ooh. Sit down with such lovely young ladies.

(GRUNTING)

(EXHALING)

Excuse me.

Charmaine!

Find a seat.

Sit next to me.

Oh! All right.

Thank you. Excuse me.

Ooh! Careful. Oh, my gosh. Here,

let me help clean you up.

TRENT:
It's cool.

I'm Haley Robinson.

Hey!

(STAMMERING) You're...

(IN NORMAL VOICE) You're the hot

girl from the Promenade. Yeah.

I'm sorry?

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, you're not hot.

(STUTTERING) The Promenade

was hot the day I saw you.

I'm not saying you're not hot,

but it was hot at the Promenade

the day I saw you being hot.

Girl, I'm hot.

I'm Charmaine.

You're funny.

(CLEARING THROAT)

(SINGING CLANKING SYLLABLES)

I love that beat.

That's it. Excuse me, but I didn't

formally get to introduce myself.

My name is Hattie Mae Pierce, but

everyone calls me Big Momma.

That's the understatement of the century.

(GIRLS CHUCKLING)

Funny. Very funny.

And this is my niece, Charmaine Daisy Pierce.

Oh.

Hey. How you guys doing?

Mmm, that reminds me. You have

to do something before you eat.

Oh, girl, of course! Uh...

Attention, everyone! Give...

We have fresh meat that wants to eat.

And what kind of school is this?

ALL:
School for the Arts!

Exactly. And that means every new student

must dance, act or sing for their supper.

(ALL AGREEING)

What'll it be, Charmaine?

What's your talent?

(CHANTING) Show us what you got.

Show us what you got.

ALL:
Show us what you got. Show us what you got.

(STAMMERING) Charmaine...

Quiet! Quiet!

(CHANTING STOPS)

Anyway, Charmaine is a little

under the weather right now.

Maybe she could do it another night.

Oh, no, it's all right, Big Momma. I got this.

So what'll it be, Charmaine?

Huh. I'm a rapper.

I can't wait to see this.

Hey, could somebody give me a beat?

(BEATBOXING) Yeah.

(RAPPING) What

(GRUNTS)

Yeah

All my girls in the spot You know what's up

Just chillin' in the caf For some laughs and stuff

Ready to do my thing Y'all ready or what?

Show your girl some love Hah... Yeah... What...

(BEATBOXING STOPS)

(GIRLS MURMURING)

Hello? All girls school?

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote