Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son Page #4

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Give your girl some love.

(REPEATING RIFFS)

Don't wanna give it up? Yeah, I'm cool with that

That's fine Besides, who knew I could rap?

I got skills, thrills plus a winning attitude

I got no time for no wack dudes

You don't even know what I got under here

If you feel the same way Let me

hear you say, "Hell, yeah!"

ALL:
Hell, yeah!

(SINGING) Oh, oh, oh, ohhh!

Ain't nobody

Loves me better Makes me happy

Makes me feel this way

Ain't nobody

Loves me better than you

Yeah My girl Haley is the truth

And even though I'm new, she

done made it real smooth

It's kind of hard being new on the block

Especially when you're packin' a supersized

Badonkadonk!

HALEY:
Whoa

Ain't nobody

Loves me better

Makes me happy

Makes me feel this way

Ain't nobody

Loves me better than you

Yo, Haley, get up on the mic

Keep talking about the guy you like

First you put your arms around me

Then what else did he do, girl?

Then you put your charms around me

TRENT:
Okay Do you think he'd be true?

I can't resist your sweet surrender

Sounds like a good deal to me

Oh, my nights are warm and tender

Come on! Everybody sing!

ALL:
Ain't nobody

Loves me better

Makes me happy

Makes me feel this way

Ain't nobody Loves me better

Makes me happy Makes me feel this way

Ain't nobody Loves me better

Come on, Big Momma, show us what you got!

ALL:
Go, Momma! Go, Momma!

Go, Momma! Go, Momma!

(GROANING)

Oh, my gosh! Big Momma, are

you okay? Are you alive?

Ain't nobody?

Child? That there is no meal.

I'm on a diet.

Prima ballerinas can't have any booty.

There's a law or something.

(CHUCKLING) Well, she looks so skinny,

it looks like she could dodge raindrops.

Ain't no raindrops going...

Oh, my God!

Mia, what's going on?

Delant just dumped me.

(ALL GASPING) What?

"Need space. Still friends?"

He used the sunglasses guy.

You know what? He's probably just confused.

Yeah, he's afraid of intimacy.

He just doesn't want to get hurt.

You think?

Uh, can't you girls read? A man needs his space.

It says it clearly in black and white.

Duh!

Oh, my God.

Or

he's petrified by his passion

and he, uh, doesn't know how to deal with it.

Girl, the sunglasses guy means that

he's hiding his true emotions.

Mmm-hmm. He loves you, girl.

GIRL:
Exactly.

Child, like my Aunt Yorima used to say,

it's better to be alone with yourself

for the rest of your life

than to be together with bad company for a minute.

I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life?

Child, I did not say that.

No, Mia, don't listen to her.

Oh, my God, I can't do this!

(ALL CONSOLING)

I was trying to give her...

Great job, Big Momma.

Any other hearts you want to break?

(GROWLING)

GAIL:
Ladies, quiet down, please!

Thank you. I have an announcement.

Last night, an antique music box was stolen

from our library's special collection.

Now, I know we have a tradition of pranks.

But this is not stealing the mascot

from the boys at St. Ignatius.

Which is still missing, by the way.

No, this is a crime

against one of our own, which will not be tolerated!

So I strongly suggest that the guilty party,

or anyone who knows anything

about this, come forward

or risk immediate expulsion.

The music box. That's what Canetti

was trying to tell you.

What do you mean?

The flash drive's in the music box!

Oh, right, right.

Come on. We're going to the library.

That's where it was stolen.

(SIGHS) I just... Where are you going?

These shoes! They hurt. They're heels.

And this girdle's riding up all inside me. I can't do it.

All right, but stay in your room

and away from those girls.

All right.

Mmm, I gotta take a leak.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION)

Ah, man.

This thing is so tight!

(GRUNTING)

(URINATING)

Free at last, free at last.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yeah?

Charmaine?

(URINATING STOPS)

(IN GIRLISH VOICE) Um...

I'll be out in a second!

(TRICKLING)

Give me...

(GRUNTING)

Um, are you all right in there?

Yeah!

I'm okay!

(STAMMERING) I'll be out there in a minute!

Hey...

Damn. I mean...

Hey, Haley.

Um...

I hope I'm not being too personal,

but have you tried Spanx?

Spanx?

You know, body shapers.

You know, they give you the smoothing

without the, um, extra padding.

Oh, really?

(LAUGHING)

That extra padding! (GIGGLES)

Anyway, they're having a thing for me

in the common room in about 15 minutes.

I'd love you to come.

How nice of you. That'd be great.

Great. So, I'll see you in a few.

All right.

And wear your PJs. We go comfy.

You certainly do.

(WILD THING BY TONE-LOC PLAYING)

Excuse me!

Excuse me! (TURNS OFF STEREO)

My, my, my.

Ooh, Lord.

My, my, my!

I'm peeping one fly Zulu queen! Mmm!

Well, the name is Hattie Mae Pierce,

but everybody calls me Big Momma.

Well, I'm Kurtis Kool. I make the ladies drool.

Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna

keep my saliva in my mouth.

Well, back in the day, I used to

run the ropes for Run-DMC.

You probably recognize me from

my appearance in Krush Groove.

I was the brother with the dope

shammy in the car wash.

I had no lines, but I was good. No?

My last tour was with LL Cool J.

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

In the words of the great master,

"Mama said knock you out!"

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

Young man.

I am a woman with grandchildren.

Now, I'm the new house mother over in Pryce Hall.

And I'm just trying to get a lay of the land.

I was wondering

if I could get a peek around the library.

Well, Kurtis Kool be your backstage pass!

Kurtis Kool!

Let me get my key.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Well, all right. Shed a little light.

You know, my momma said big-legged

women were gonna kill me.

(LAUGHING)

Found my keys!

You ready to go? Yeah. This way?

Uh-huh.

Halle Berry ain't got sh*t on you!

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

Hello.

Oh, Lord, I must be in heaven.

Who invited America's sexiest buffalo?

I invited her.

Be nice.

Oh, no.

What are we doing, sacrificing an animal or something?

JASMINE:
We are the Divas.

The senior society of GGSA's best artists.

This is our inner sanctum.

TRENT:
Oh.

Can we trust her not to narc us out?

I ain't no narc.

That's what a narc would say.

That's true. Good point.

Good point? Girl, (SCOFFS)

let me tell you something about

Charmaine Daisy Pierce.

My ex-boyfriend, right?

Marlo.

Doing a bid in Lompoc. Dealing.

Po-po dragged me in on a trumped-up conspiracy case.

Said if I testified against him, I could walk.

Know what I did?

ALL:
What?

Spent my 1 5th birthday in juvie.

(ALL EXCLAIMING SYMPATHETICALLY)

My birthday cake was four lit matches in a Twinkie.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Oh, my God. How awful!

Okay, everyone. We are assembled tonight

to welcome our newest Diva.

Haley Robinson.

Stand up.

This necklace is a commitment.

A commitment to your life as an artist.

That you will never give up on your friends or your art.

Do you accept? I do.

Turn around.

Done.

Congratulations. You're a Diva.

Uh, Jasmine? Where is your necklace?

I'm getting the clasp fixed.

Oh.

ISABELLE:
Welcome to the Divas.

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