Bigger Fatter Liar Page #4

---

All night, sir?

Oh, I want you to stick

around and supervise. Me?

What? Did I st-st-st-stutter?

This has gotta be your top priority.

Got it?

Yes, sir, Mr. Wolf.

Good.

Have a nice night.

You, too.

"Top priority."

Cozy.

How do we get in?

I've got this.

Those don't look like

refrigerator repair tools.

Mmm. Sometimes, the

refrigerator is in a place

that's hard to get to, you know.

Let me try.

Key code, 555-55-55.

Clever.

What do we do?

Alarm code, 555-55-55.

At least he's consistent.

Wow. Nice place.

Yes. We should

torch it, no?

Let's just look around

a bit first, okay, Ivan?

Okay, whatever.

Anything interesting?

He's downloaded every

episode of My Little Pony.

Even the Christmas special?

What? It's a really good show.

I'll just take everything

and sort it out later.

Hey.

Look at these.

These are for...

Yeah, they are.

We got him.

Oh, he's got mu-sh...

I've hidden the car.

Did you get the stuff?

You must never question Ivan.

Skin bleach.

And skin dye.

He's here.

Game on.

The alarm! We forgot to

turn the alarm back on.

Ah...

Hmm.

Mmm.

Every day I'm getting

faster, stronger.

Every day I'm getting

faster, stronger.

Every day I'm getting

faster, stronger.

Every day I'm getting faster...

Do you think it's gonna work? Every

day I'm getting faster, stronger.

Every day I'm getting

faster, stronger.

Every day I'm...

Maybe we didn't use enough.

I think we used enough.

Let's get to work.

Oh! What did I do last night?

My head's killing me.

That kid!

It's that kid!

Mr. Wolf's office.

Hi, Penny. It's Melissa

from Mr. Highcroft's office.

It's about his meeting

today with Mr. Wolf.

What?

Mr. Highcroft's office called. He

changed your appointment to noon.

He'd like to meet you

for lunch instead.

No, no, no. No! No!

I'm trying to find your day-planner

to see if that'll work...

Did you want me to tell him

you're unavailable?

No. He'll think

something's wrong.

Okay. I'm texting you

the address right now.

Are you sure you're up

for this meeting?

What is that supposed to mean?

You just sound a little odd.

You just... You just mind

your own business!

I'm fine.

Everything's fine!

Huh?

Kevin Shepard,

I'm going to kill you!

Shut the hell up, you moron!

Sorry! It's not me!

It's the car.

Oh, really? Really?

Are you kidding me? This

is a $200,000 automobile!

Good for you, buddy!

Good for you!

I got your license plate,

Hooterville!

So sue me!

Oh! Yeah!

Problem, sir? Whoa!

Officer, did you see that?

Please put your hands

where I can see them, sir.

No, no. That hillbilly! He

deliberately backed into my car!

Uh-huh. Can I see your license

and registration, please?

Oh, no, I got a meeting

I got to get...

Hey! No sudden

movements, sir.

Ah, it's in

the glove compartment.

Cirque do Soleil in town?

What? No, no. It's just... This is a prank.

It's a long story.

What's this?

What... What is this?

These are the blueprints for

the bank over on 17th Street.

No, this.

What is this?

Gun!

Gun!

What? No! It's rubber!

You see? It's a fake gun!

Come on! I mean, it's my first

day on the job. Just freeze.

What are you gonna do'? You gonna...

No, no, no, no...

Yeah. There might

be more of them there, so...

Better put out an APB for any

mimes carrying concealed weapons.

Got him.

Good. Now can we go home?

Why? I thought

we were having fun.

We are.

It's just, I feel bad

about lying to my parents.

Come on. A little lie here and

there doesn't hurt anybody.

Besides, it makes

life interesting.

It makes me interesting.

You don't need a lie to do that.

I guess, after my mom died,

it just seemed easier to make up stuff

than it was to have to face the truth.

I just sort of got used to it.

Well, I don't want

to get used to it.

Like you've never

lied to your parents before?

Once.

You remember that time we snuck out and

went to the Midnight Madness movies?

Yeah?

I got caught.

You never told me that.

I didn't want to make you feel

bad, but I got in big trouble.

I told them I snuck out alone.

You lied for me? Why?

Because, dummy, uh...

You're my best friend.

And that's the truth.

- What took you so long?

- I'm sorry.

But I had to explain to accounting

why I needed bail money!

Mr. Wolf, I don't understand why you had

bank blueprints, and a mask, and a gun!

It wasn't a real gun!

Officer.

Mr. Wolf!

Well, you have been acting

very suspicious lately.

It's not me, it's...

Oh, never mind.

Yes, sir.

Does it have anything to

do with your face, sir?

Oh, shut up, Penny!

That's not how you found my car!

Oh, no. Oh, no.

That's how I found your car.

You'll be hearing

from my lawyer.

Go back to France, creep!

I'm not from France!

Would you open it?

Idiot!

Well, you're welcome!

You're kidding.

Okay.

Oh.

Go, Niners!

I'm looking for a man

named Highcroft.

I think you're in the

wrong place, freakshow.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Are you threatening me

because I'm wearing makeup?

Because I look like a mime?

Because I'm just

a little bit different?

I thought this was America.

I thought...

I thought

we were supposed to accept people,

no matter what they look like.

Phew! Or smell like.

I mean, after all,

I don't get on your case

when you get a little drunk and

try to get romantic with a squid.

No, I do not.

I mean, in my book.

What you people do on the high

seas stays on the high seas!

Am I right?

Who's with me?

So, you give up yet?

It was you?

What'd you do to my face?

I can't... I can't get it off!

My face!

I... I'm gonna...

I'm gonna kill you!

Careful, Wolfie.

They don't care much for

mimes around these parts.

Oh! Doesn't matter.

I mean, fine.

I mean, you got me with your

little sophomoric prank, right?

But, big picture?

I'm the winner.

You're the loser!

We'll see.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We'll see. We'll see.

Yeah! We'll see!

Where's my car?

Taxi!

Is he here yet?

Well, actually...

Good, good, good.

'Cause I don't want that little toad

running off to his grandpa, telling him...

No, no, no... I kept his

precious brat waiting.

Miss Wise, I don't have time

to sit around and waste...

Mr. Highcroft! What a

pleasure it is to see you!

Oh, would you please accept

my humblest apologies

for my being a little late?

It was car trouble.

Yeah, whatever. Wolf, what's

going on with your face?

What? Oh, my...

My face? Yes, my face.

My face...

It's a publicity stunt.

Publicity!

For that new carnival game

that we have in development.

You look completely stupid.

Oh. Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

All right, I'm here

to see Big Fat Liar.

What do you have to show me?

You! Showtime.

So, we're all set for the big

launch tomorrow, right, Kelly?

"Kenny."

Kenny.

Gotcha. Here. Start it.

No, no, no. No, no, Mr. Wolf! No, no,

no, no? Oh! You want me to do it?

Okay, here we go. Ready?

Big Fat Liar!

Bigger Fatter Liar!

What is this crap?

What is this crap?

I tried to tell you!

Yeah, we're still beta-testing, sir.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes