Bill Cosby: Far from Finished Page #2

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And you become humbled,

and you realize,

as you are mad...

as you are mad

that you are really...

You put yourself in such

a low self-esteem position.

"I am nothing.

But if I have her,

I will conquer the world."

And you begin to want her

and need her,

because without her

by your side,

you can't do it.

And then you have the nerve,

after you give her her friend,

to tell her

how worthless you are.

"I am nothing.

And... and if you

will join me..."

Now, this

is getting stupid now...

But it is the lure

of her friend.

She's not paying attention

to what you're saying.

She's looking at the diamond.

She thinks you're saying,

"Please, marry me,"

'cause that's all

they ever say.

You say, "What did he say?"

"He asked me to marry him."

But you were babbling away

about being nobody and nothing

and your heart and that

you're gonna die before her

and you want her there

to see this death.

Later on, thousands of years,

a woman says,

"I don't want to see that again

as long as I live."

So here we go.

You ask any woman

in this audience who's married.

"Did he ask you

to marry him?"

"Yes, he proposed."

"What did he say?"

He said :

"Will you marry me?"

And that's because

she never paid attention.

Now, the two men...

The two men in the wedding...

important...

are told what to do.

The father of the bride

is told.

"You walk her down here,

"give her to him,

"and then you come over

and sit beside me.

"And stay sober.

"And don't go around

asking strangers

how much they think

all of this cost."

So much for the power

of the father of the bride.

The groom has no power.

He's given an opportunity

to invite

all of his best buddies.

They come,

and they are called the...

- Groomsmen.

- The groomsmen.

And the reason

why he's given that privilege

is because

this is the last time

he will ever see them...

Except maybe as pallbearers.

Now, I don't know if

you're planning to get married

for the first time.

All you fellas,

now just listen to me carefully.

I... If you can swing it,

I think it'll be very nice.

Take... take the father

of the bride out.

Let him sit

next to the bride's mother.

In his place,

while you're standing

and waiting for her,

you will put your mother.

The groom's mother...

think about it...

is bringing her.

You see?

You can now see your whole life.

Here comes the woman

who brought you into this world,

now bringing to you

the woman who is going to...

No, let me say it !

Take you out !

Thank you.

So now, you men pass up

certain things.

You don't recognize...

When you're married,

you don't recognize

certain things that...

Pardon me...

that she's doing.

She's not an evil person.

I don't think

that she is like a person...

"Uh, give me that big, red one.

I'm gonna ride 'em

till he can't breathe anymore."

No, I don't think that.

But I do know...

That... that they...

they...

Things belong to them...

And you don't know that.

You think this is yours...

That it belongs

to the two of you.

"My wife and I."

See, it's not true.

The first time I ever

talked out loud to myself...

I was married seven months.

I came in,

and I took my shoes off,

put 'em there,

and I , I went back

to get something to drink,

came back, and they were gone.

They were gone

because a part of my mind said...

Because the eyes told him,

"What happened to your shoes?"

So I answered myself.

I said :
"I don't know."

So... so my brain said :

"Well, they were here."

I said :

"Yeah, I took 'em off."

And then my brain said :

"Yeah, we saw you do that.

We saw you...

you put 'em right there."

So things started...

to move.

And the reason is,

they are not...

Yours.

And where they...

- Belong.

- Belong!

Said many of the wives

sitting in the back.

Yeah, not... they're not

where they belong.

And you will find out,

when you ask very nicely,

"Dear..."

you have to.

"Dear, have you seen my..."

And then, as you

stay married longer, they...

They get to sound

like judge Judy.

"I'm talking now.

I put it where it belongs."

And then you're scared.

You say...

You're scared to say,

"Well, where is that?"

things start to move...

you could be sitting , I'm telling you

these things belong to her

it's not evil ...

it's just that...

you don't know that

she gave me a room !

she said :
come here

I want to show you, your room

I said :
am I being punished ?

no bill , I fixed the room for you

I didn't ask her to ,

nor she did ask me

what I like

she said :
I put everything in there that

you like

so ther was a big TV

like this...

like this...

and it was about this far from my face

but it's not bad because when you

you know , you take the remote

once you learn how to do that

specially when you turn it on ,

and move

because the thing will suck

so ...

she...she.. she showed me the room

and now I sit in it

because this is my room and I ...

I sit... and I

and sometimes she will come by and

peek in

and she says ... one time

she said :

oh... there you are !

and then she walked away !

so.. so ..I went after her

and said :
yes dear?

she said :
what ?

I said :
yes...yes..

what do you want ?

she said :
I don't want anything .

I said :
but called me !

she said :
no I didn't .

I said :
yes you did there

she said :
when did I called you bill ?

I said :
you stopped back at the room

and you said :
There you are !

she said :
that's right

I wasn't calling you

I said :
oh... there you are .

because you where there ,Bill

so I said :
yeah , but why did you have

to tell me that I'm ...

and guess what ?

I knew I was gonna win this one

cause she said :

I don't wanna talk about this

All you husbands know this :

People will say,

"Is your wife your friend?"

You say, "My best friend."

"My best friend."

Because they better say it.

I-I know that's not

a good understanding

of a friendship,

that you better say it,

but that's the way it is

with your wife.

Because she's not your friend,

so you better say

she's your friend.

No, she's not your friend.

That's your wife.

Way above a friend.

See, this was your friend,

and you wanted to die

with somebody.

Here she is.

You see?

So now, this is your wife.

So you could get a friend

just being a regular,

you know, nice person

or something.

But a wife is special.

But they want you to say,

"She's my friend."

let me give you an example

Excuse me ...

.... Dear ...

why did you moved this ?

when ... I.. when.. I had it this way ?

see ... that's my wife

I got no answer.

she just ... she just walked out

and they know ... they know

that they're not your friend

because you could do like this

after she did like this

you could call her back

and say :
love , do me a favor

don't ever do this again !

no ... I'm just making up something

I didn't say...

so ... so ..so

so , don't ever do this again

because when I have something set on

my table

I want it on the table the way I want it

isn't this fun ?

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