Billboard Dad Page #2

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off the high platform...

...and you're our best diver!

Banzai!

l think your reputation's safe.

This is our hangout, Van Gogh's Ear.

Dad took Mom here on their first date.

We came here so often,

Autumn named a sandwich after us.

Autumn! Autumn!

Hi, guess who we brought?

Hi, stranger. We missed you!

Hi, girls.

lt's good to see you.

lt's good to see you too.

Wow, look at this!

The place has not changed at all.

Thank you.

That wasn't a compliment.

Hey, Max, where you been, man?

Dude, you look like a fish belly.

You're in need of serious sun.

-l've been busy working.

-Bummer.

Here, let's sit.

-Autumn, my dear?

-Yes?

Still make those famous

ice cream sundaes?

With cookie dough and three spoons!

-And marshmallow sauce.

-And whipped cream?

And nuts?

Dad?

Yeah. Nuts.

Okay, well,

Tyler family special coming up.

This is a great idea, huh?

Get out of the house...

-...see all your friends for a change.

-Sure.

Maybe we can ride the roller coaster

at the pier?

l hardly ever throw up anymore.

Except yesterday.

And there's supposed to be

a pretty sunset tonight.

-Do you girls remember your mother?

-Dad.

Of course we do.

No, l mean...

...l mean really remember her?

Remember her laugh?

How her hair smelled?

Just how full of life she was.

l remember Mom would make us all drive

to Big Bear just to touch the snow.

l remember she was great

at telling stories.

Especially about San Francisco.

lt'd be fun if we drove up

there some weekend.

What do you say?

-Thank you.

-Thanks, Daddy.

-Oh, here.

-Oh, it's on the house.

Oh! Thanks.

You know, l never liked the nuts.

l always just got them

on my sundae because...

...because your mother did.

l'm sorry.

You girls go ahead and finish up.

l'll meet you at home.

Come right away.

-Tess, you awake?

-You can't sleep either?

Thinking about Mom?

l miss her.

l miss her too.

l think about her every night.

Every day.

There's so much we never

got to talk about.

lf she were here,

she'd know how to help Dad.

-l wish she were here.

-Me too.

What if something happens to Dad?

What? Like he could die of sadness?

You've seen Jerry Springer.

lt happens.

Let's face it, maybe what Dad needs

to cheer him up...

...is a woman.

Sometimes l think you're the smart one.

You just figured that out?

l'm gonna get you.

SWF, 30s, n/s...

...lSO SM, B&B for R&M?

You need a code book to decipher this.

lt's easy, single, white female

in her 30s, non-smoker...

...seeks single male, brown hair,

brown eyes, for romance and monogamy.

-Wow, you're good.

-You have to read between the lines.

-Any time they compare--

-My fly girls. How's it going?

-Cody.

-Reading the personals? What's up?

Finding Dad a woman.

Easy. Get him a guitar.

Chicks dig musicians.

Our dad is a famous artist.

He's got enough groupies.

A smart and pretty woman.

lndependent, but still likes

to be taken care of.

You could sit

on an lnternet chat room.

Don't you watch the news?

That's creepy.

You go in for a chat, and you end up

stalked by psycho-people.com.

Dad won't go for it.

My dad's company got a billboard

on Sunset to advertise his CD.

Went platinum in one day.

Girls were mobbing him.

-l'm liking this.

-A personal ad on a billboard?

-The whole city would see it.

-Cody, you rock.

-lt's perfect.

-Maximum exposure.

We go in under cover of darkness.

Go, go, go!

Stop.

-Cool, pull out.

-Go, come on.

Stop, stop.

Stay right behind me.

all clear. Go, go, go.

-There's cars coming.

-Don't look down.

Camouflage, part two!

Easy, easy, easy. Take it back up!

Careful.

Wrong house.

The musician lives three doors down.

l'm looking for you, Dad.

Excuse me?

l realize it's unorthodox, just showing

up. But l'm no good with letters.

l can't write.

-Dad, what's going on?

-You must be the artists.

l'm the artist. These are my daughters.

Who are you?

Well, l'm interested.

-Cool to the max!

-Right on.

My gosh, Emily, it's working!

Will somebody tell me

what this is all about?

The billboard, what else?

Big gestures really get me.

l am completely clueless here.

Somebody better give me the 41 1 ,

and fast.

-You mean he doesn't know about this?

-Girls?

lt's really gonna blow your mind.

-Let's get dressed.

-We'll show you your billboard.

You'll excuse us, won't you?

Girls?

In L.A., people will do anything

to get noticed.

I'm on Sunset Blvd.

with Billboard Dad...

...the man who put a personal ad

on a billboard.

Billboard Dad, is this getting

the results you wanted?

I find the whole thing

a little embarrassing--

Brooke, check this out.

"Billboard Dad."

He put a personal ad

on a billboard over Sunset.

Not interested.

-Are you crazy? He's gorgeous.

-Please. l'm not that shallow.

l am! Come on, he's not drooling,

he's not talking to himself.

His knuckles don't drag when he walks.

"Here comes the bride."

Only in L.A. are desperation and

insanity a public interest story.

l know, l know. But he's so cute.

lt's like rock, paper, scissors.

Really cute covers desperation

and smashes insanity.

You're the first person l've met whose

mom doesn't worry about her enough.

You have to start dating. lt's been

26 months since you got divorced.

26 months? You're counting?

A bookkeeper's job is to count.

lf you don't put yourself out there,

you won't meet anyone.

l finally have my life together.

l don't need a rebound relationship.

Jack's remarrying.

Look what it's done to our son.

So the cheating ex-husband gets

to be happy, but you have to suffer?

l'm not suffering.

l don't need a man to make me happy.

Okay.

-We're certainly hoping.

-These are your girls? They're twins!

Why did you do this for your father?

He's got a lot to offer a woman.

So we said it for him.

He's the greatest.

-From the mouths of babes.

-She called us "babes. "

Forgive her.

And I'm the smart one.

Who'd date a man who puts

a personal ad up on a billboard?

l would.

You think Jughead from Archie

has potential.

With a different hat,

is all l'm saying.

Billboard Dad has a sense of humor,

and his kids like him.

Listen to you! You're as bad as him.

lf you write a letter,

you're on your own.

Yes, yes, and l'm very, very sorry.

l think we all are.

No, no.

l had no idea they were

planning any of this.

l did see it on the news.

A new one?

Oh, so this isn't a problem?

Don't thank me.

Please, do not thank me.

Me? Well, l have blue eyes.

Great. Goodbye.

Well.

lt seems the billboard company

won't press charges.

Billboard company?

lt seems they love the free publicity.

What publicity?

They'll put up a new billboard.

-They can't take it down!

-What about the women?

What women?

Girls, girls. lf l wanted

to go out, which l don't...

...l would find my own date, okay?

And not by putting

a billboard up over Sunset Strip!

Then how?

You hardly ever leave the studio.

You don't hang with your friends.

You never go out.

You don't even do anything

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