Billboard Dad Page #6

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...but let's wait for the score.

With one round left, we're still tied

and that's as good as it gets

Good dive, Tess.

-What are you doing? Get your suit on!

-l'm not diving.

What?! Don't play with me.

Of course you are!

l can't. l just got a tattoo. lt has

to stay out of water for 48 hours.

-Doctor's orders.

-Great!

Now we're short a diver!

No, you're not. You've got Emily.

-Emily, l need you.

-Me?

You've been looking good lately.

Thanks, Brad, so are you.

Emily, get your suit on.

We're all counting on you.

For the final dive for the P.V. team,

it's Herman Schleckenberger.

Go for it!

The winner will be decided

by Emily Tyler's final dive.

She needs a score of at least 22

to win for the Westside Squids.

She did it! l think she did it!

Emily Tyler wins it for the Squids

on the last dive!

-How come you lied so l could dive?

-What makes you think l did?

No tattoo.

Congratulations, Emily.

l hear you Squids really doused them!

l didn't see your dad there.

He's bummed because of your mom

and him.

-He shouldn't have cheated on her.

-He didn't!

She shouldn't have lied

about ex-husbands.

-And tried to get his money!

-What are you talking about?

My dad's the only ex-husband

she's got. And business is doing great.

She doesn't need your dad's money.

-Nigel.

-Yeah, Nigel.

lf anyone's stealing money, it's him.

l'll show you.

There you go.

l told you. We have to warn your dad.

He'll never believe us.

He trusts Nigel too much.

-He will if he hears it from Nigel.

-Like that's gonna happen.

Wait, l've got an idea! Come on.

We needed Cody's help.

But when I saw him punked out...

...I realized he was having

an identity crisis. He was confused.

Cody, what did you do to yourself?

l know it's desperate, but l tried

flattery, concert tickets....

lt got me zilch.

Your sister goes for bad boys.

lf Tess doesn't get the message

l like her now, l'll become a monk.

Emily, do l look that ridiculous?

l'm Tess.

Oh, my gosh! You're--?

l'm dead.

Cody, snap out of it!

We need your help!

Anything.

Filthy!

Here's the sketch of the sculpture

Dad's working on. Like it?

lt's the most beautiful thing

l've ever seen!

Why don't you go see if you can help

the caterers set up?

Meet me at the loading site.

l've seen Max's new work.

Now, you ignoramus!

l need as many copies as you can make.

-l can't believe people buy this.

-Believe. l'm gonna be rich!

Everyone's gonna want one.

Even people who bought the old ones.

l'm going to be so filthy rich

selling Max Tyler's knockoffs...

...l won't need him anymore!

Got it.

lt's great. Different

from his early stuff.

But so refreshing, don't you think?

l told Maxwell his public's

ready for a new departure.

He's right.

This new work is so exciting!

-l have to have a piece. Let's get one.

-Great!

Nigel's rich

Nigel's rolling in the dough

And the best part of this little scam

ls no one's going to know

Where is my meal ticket?

lt's his opening.

Well, can't be expected

to do everything.

Brooke can't come to the phone now.

Please leave a message

after the tone. Thank you.

Brooke? Hi. Max again.

Still trying to reach you. l've left

messages here and at the store.

Please call me.

There you are! Your new work

has your public all abuzz.

-They're crying for a speech.

-Oh, l don't want to.

-l don't care if they like it.

-Just come down there with me.

-l'll do all the talking, friend.

-Fine. You do the talking.

You always do.

Maxwell Tyler, everyone.

Good evening and gracious thanks

for sharing in this evening.

-When Max said he was working...

-Dad, come here!

...l knew it would be wonderful!

-So l told him to go for it!

-You've gotta listen to this.

-Girls, later.

-But, Dad!

l said later.

We've gotta stop him.

Give me the tape!

When l found Max, he was practically

starving on the streets.

But thanks to my artistic guidance...

...he's become a star.

l've been more than an agent,

more than a friend.

Nigel, give me that!

ls anyone here buying this baloney?

Wanna hear some straight talk?

Listen to this song. Crank it up!

What are you--?

I need as many copies

as you can make

I'm gonna be rich

Filthy, filthy rich

Selling Max Tyler's knockoffs

Knockoffs, knockoffs!

-Nigel?

-l did the mix.

-Tell him how you've been forging.

-And selling fakes to these people.

That's ridiculous!

l've been doing no such thing!

Nigel?

ls this true?

lf you ask me, you should send

the two brats to boarding school.

Did l say that out loud?

Yeah, Nigel, you did.

You don't believe l'd forge

your art for money?

-What l do, l don't do for money.

-Of course not!

-Someone has to look out for you.

-You've been looking out for yourself!

After everything l've done for you,

l'm entitled to a profit!

You and your rug rats can

eat my skivvies!

Nobody talks about my girls like that.

You're fired!

And lose the phony accent. Everybody

knows you're from New Jersey.

My new suit!

Just get away from me. Get away!

all right, that's it.

Party's over. Everybody go home.

Come here.

Give me that.

Daddy, are you gonna be mad

at us forever?

Monster, Munchkin, pull up a seat.

Come on.

-l'm not mad at you.

-You're worse than mad.

-You're sad.

-We're really sorry.

We messed things up big-time.

Especially for you and Brooke.

Don't worry about it.

l think Brooke and me, we just...

-...we weren't meant to be.

-Nigel wasn't meant to be.

Look, l think all of us...

...we have to stop focusing

on what's happened in the past.

We need a new start.

A fresh beginning. Agreed?

-Sure, Dad.

-Whatever you say.

From now on, it's just gonna be

the three of us, our family.

l'll be spending more time with you.

No more distractions or extra people.

Definitely no more girlfriends,

all right?

Just be my two favorites, huh?

Come here.

Now come on. Let's get out of here.

-He really misses Brooke.

-We've gotta do something.

So this is why you dragged me

to the museum.

-Could we talk to you?

-We need to explain something.

Mom, please listen to them.

all right.

Dad!

-Where've you been?

-Haven't you seen the news?

-l don't have time.

-Billboard Dad is at it again!

There's another message,

but this time it's for him!

We don't know who the lady is,

but it pays to advertise.

l thought l told you never to do

something like this again!

-We didn't do it.

-Honest!

lf you didn't do it, who did?

So why am l always

the last to know everything?

l figured the only way to get your

attention is with a visual statement.

You certainly are.

Thank you. But l was talking

about the billboard.

-l figure the billboard says it all.

-Well...

...not everything.

-And everyone lived happily ever after.

-Even me.

-Unless you're not sharing something?

-Trust me, you're happy.

Not that happy.

l'm happy too. Don't tell anybody.

Happy is bad for my image.

See? Everyone lived

happily ever after.

Well, almost everyone.

Lovely original artwork here.

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