Biloxi Blues Page #2

Sergeant.

It's just plain ho.

Hey, Fred Astaire, are you

tryin' to tell me somethin'?

I have to go

to the bathroom, Sergeant.

How you gonna do that?

We don't have

bathrooms in the Army.

They had them in Fort Dix.

Not bathrooms, they didn't.

Yes they did.

I went in them a lot.

I'm tellin' you,

we don't have any bathrooms on this base.

You doubt my veracity?

No, Sergeant.

Then you got a problem, haven't you, Epstein?

Ho, ho.

You bet your ass,

ho, ho.

You know why

you got a problem, Epstein?

'Cause I have to go real bad?

No, son, you got a problem because

you don't know Army terminology.

The place where a US soldier

goes to defecate,

relieve himself, open

his bowels, sh*t, fart, dump,

crap and unload

is called a latrine.

Latrine, from the French.

Do you want to tell us what's

funny about that, Jerome?

Well, it's just that you said all

those words in one sentence, Sergeant.

Apparently,

I don't believe

you understand the benefit

of discipline, do you, Jerome?

The benefit?

Yes, I think I do.

Then tell it to me, Jerome.

What is the benefit of discipline?

Well, it's to benefit

the Army's...

to the way that soldiers...

to...

whatever you say, Sergeant.

You lookin' to get

your ass in a sling, boy?

No, Sergeant,

it's fine the way it is.

The benefit of discipline is that

it will win this war for us.

Therefore, until you learn

that fact,

I'll just have

to keep teachin' it to you.

Selridge, 100 push-ups.

Hit the deck.

Me? I didn't say nothin'!

Correct, boy, we're doin'

this to teach Jerome about discipline.

On your face,

soldier!

Do you think you get my

meaning now about discipline?

Ho, yes, ho.

Well, then,

let's try it out.

I want another man down there

give me 100 push-ups.

I want you to pick him out for me.

Who will it be, boy?

Speak up, Jerome.

Tell me the name of the man you

think is most lacking in discipline.

Well, we really just

met on the train, Sergeant.

I don't even know

all their names yet.

I can understand your

reticence to speak up, Jerome.

No one's gonna like

hearin' his name called.

Why don't you just

whisper it in my ear?

Wykowski?

He's the biggest man in the company.

That took guts, Jerome,

but if that's your wish,

your wish will be obeyed.

Wykowski, 100 push-ups for me and

your buddy here. Hit the deck.

Now who can we pick to join these

men in a show of comradeship?

Whisper it to me,

Jerome.

The entire platoon

except yourself?

By God,

that's a good choice.

You won't have many friends here,

soldier, but I'll be one of them.

Tell 'em to hit

the deck for you.

You want me to say it?

It was your idea!

Platoon, hit the deck.

Shout it, boy!

Platoon,

hit the deck!

Tell 'em what we want, Jerome!

100 push-ups!

Man asked for 150 push-ups.

You heard him, men.

Now, count off!

Epstein:

Watch out! Let me through!

Ahh! Head's up!

If this keeps up,

we're gonna lose this war.

They'll be speakin'

German in Chicago.

We could all say we caught cold

and go on sick call tomorrow.

You don't go on sick call with this

guy unless a tank runs over you.

Jesus, this thing's

a slingshot.

Is this bunk taken?

Oh no, I don't mind dyin',

but I don't want to get my nose blown off.

Carney:
Hooray, hooray.

What could I do?

I could be shot for disobeying orders.

Carney:
You must have done

something to get him so pissed off.

Nothing, I swear.

He's nuts.

Maybe the humidity

rusted his brain.

That's a good choice,

Jerome.

I'd like to walk in my

sleep with a bayonet.

I have a curvature of the spine.

I can't sleep on this thing.

The heat is getting hotter,

isn't it?

What's the matter,

you girls from the big city can't take it?

I can take whatever

you can take Wykowski.

Don't even tell me, they're

shipping us out today?

That's chow time.

Chow time. Wash up,

change and let's move.

Maybe there's a place around

here where we could eat out.

It's not bad.

It just needs salt and pepper and

ketchup and mustard, that's all.

If they were to drop

this stuff over Germany,

the entire country would

come out with their hands up.

I saw this stuff

in the Bronx Zoo once.

The gorillas were

throwing it at each other.

You can get something else.

It's a government regulation.

Enlisted men must be served

palatable food.

Yeah, why don't you ask him for

some matzoh ball soup, Epstein?

I hear the Army makes

a great matzoh ball soup.

It's my right to speak up.

I'm going to talk to the sergeant.

Don't start in

with him, Arnold, he's crazy.

This is probably his recipe.

Hey.

How you doin'?

How's that?

Eugene:

He's coming for his cup of hot blood.

Listen,

you two guys,

don't give the sergeant

any more crap, all right?

'Cause when he don't like you,

he don't like the rest of us.

And any guy that screws

up in this platoon

is in deep sh*t

with me, understand?

Who made you

lieutenant colonel?

I did...

I promoted myself.

And if I have to do any more

push-ups on account of you,

you're gonna be underneath me when I'm doin'

'em.

Well, now I know

who the fruits are.

Hey, did you guys hear what

happened over at Baker company?

Some guy went nuts,

said he was going home.

He didn't want no part

of this Army.

An officer tried to stop him

and the kid belted him one.

Said the guy's sure to get five

to 10 years in Leavenworth.

I thought

this was Leavenworth.

How are my boys doin'?

First rate, Sarge.

Surprisingly

interesting food, sir.

They don't give you enough.

Not hungry, Epstein?

I find enough nourishment

in bread and water, Sergeant.

You're gonna need

plenty of nourishment

with 10 back-breaking

weeks ahead of you.

Starting at 5:
00 a.m., we're

going on a little hike, boys.

5:
00 a.m.?

Ain't nothin' like seein'

the sun come up over a Mississippi swamp.

You boys arrived here a day late

and I got to make up that time.

That's a reasonable request

to make, isn't it, Jerome?

Well, we sort of elected

Wykowski our leader.

I think that he ought

to answer that.

Toomey:

Is that right, Wykowski?

I don't question orders,

Sergeant, I just follow them.

That's a good

answer, Wykowski.

It's a chicken sh*t one,

but it's a good answer.

How about you, Epstein?

Are you up? 15-mile walk?

No, Sergeant.

No?

Epstein's not up to it, men.

Why's that, Epstein?

We've been on a train for

three days and three nights.

We haven't had one good night's

sleep since we left Fort Dix.

I see. Okay.

Fair enough.

Epstein, you're excused

from the hike.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Get a good night's sleep,

just as soon as you've washed,

scrubbed and shined

every john, urinal and basin

in the latrine.

If it doesn't sparkle

when we get back,

Wykowski and Selridge

are gonna do 200 push-ups.

That'll put you in good

with the boys, Epstein.

I'll see the rest

of you men at 4:
30 a.m.

Enjoy your meal now,

you hear?

Enjoy your meal now, you hear?

That's good hominy pigs

and black pea eyeballs.

I've got to make

you men strong,

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