Biloxi Blues Page #3

because tonight we're going

to march the entire platoon

off of a 3,000-foot cliff.

Dying makes

a man out of you.

I died in the war,

they had me cremated...

the ashes were buried

right here in my head.

You think it's funny,

Jerome?

No, I think

you're funny, Wykowski.

You forgot to eat

the aluminum tray.

Come on!

Come on, sit down.

Get off!

I got three enemies now, Jerome...

the Japs, the Germans and you.

I wasn't in

on that Pearl Harbor thing.

Hold it.

You still got two spoonfuls

left there, soldier.

I've had enough,

Corporal.

You take what you want,

but you eat what you take.

We don't waste food around here.

Eat it.

I believe

the corporal said

no one leaves here till

the trays are empty and clean.

I want all trays extended

for inspection. Move it.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Is something wrong

with your meal, Carney?

Yes, Sergeant,

it's the first meal I was ever afraid of.

You'll like it

about a month from now,

because that's how long you'll be sittin'

here. Back to your seat.

Don't approve

of our cuisine, Jerome?

It's not that, Sergeant.

It's a religious objection.

This is the week that my

people fast for two days.

This is July, Jerome. Rosh Hashanah

and Yom Kippur are in September.

I have an all-religious

calendar in my barracks room.

Don't you try

that sh*t on me again.

It's a different

holiday.

It's called

El Malaguena.

El Malaguena?

It's for Spanish Jews.

Carney, bring your food.

Come on.

Put half your food

onto Jerome's tray.

Yes, Sergeant.

Eat in good health, Jerome,

and happy El Malaguena to you.

Come on.

What's your story,

Epstein?

Don't tell me,

today is La Cucaracha.

I have

a digestive disorder.

It's commonly known

as a nervous stomach.

I have a letter

from my internist

at Mount Sinai Hospital

on 5th Avenue.

See, the trouble is you're not

on 5th Avenue now, Epstein,

you're in Biloxi, Mississippi.

Corporal, make sure

that Private Epstein finishes

everything on his tray,

including that letter, hmm?

Yes, Sergeant.

Toomey:
Come on, move your ass!

Come on!

Move it!

Come on, move it now.

Goddamn bugs!

Pick it up!

Why don't they

bite each other?

They have more blood

than we have.

Jesus, what was that?

You are embarrassing.

Sergeant Toomey giggling.

Oh, God, you are pitiful!

You're embarrassing me in front

of the lizards and the buzzards.

Bunch of lard-asses

I got here.

What would you do if the

Japanese Army was behind you?

Surrender and get

some sleep.

Shut your ass, Jerome.

I ain't doin' no push-ups in the swamp!

Lucky Epstein, back in a nice dry

latrine listening to Jack Benny.

Come on move that.

Kick it.

Oh, please, God,

please let there be a subway near here.

Come on.

Man:
Get your elbow

out of my ass, a**hole.

Sh*t.

Watch your damn gun!

Watch it.

Did I say stop?

Who stopped this march?

Goddamn it.

Did you hear me call

"halt," Pinelli?

No, Sarge, but that looks like

pretty deep water.

No sh*t.

What does that mean?

Selridge?

Well, it means that...

that looks like

pretty deep water.

Selridge, you would need three

promotions to get to be an a**hole.

Wykowski, how're we gonna get to

the other side of that obstacle?

Well, either someone goes in

and sees how deep it is,

or we keep lookin'

for another place to cross.

Damn right, that's smart.

You must have been in the First World War.

All right,

we need a volunteer

to see just how deep

that water is.

Jerome?

Yes, Sergeant?

Pick a volunteer.

Oh, no!

Why me?

Because you're

the shithead who said,

"Let's surrender

so I can get some sleep."

I hear everything,

everyone, Jerome.

Pick a volunteer.

All right, me.

I'll do it.

You don't get off that easy, boy.

Pick a volunteer.

How about Epstein?

I guess you're gonna have to

whisper it again to me, won't you?

Wykowski.

You must like him. You pick him

for every sh*t detail, don't you?

You heard him, Wykowski,

into the water.

Those funny New York remarks are makin'

you real popular, Jerome.

Whoa!

Guess we have to look

for another way around, men.

Selridge, Carney,

pull Wykowski out.

Eugene's voice:
It was then I decided

I had to get out of the Army.

I thought of shooting off a part of my

body I might not need in later life,

but I couldn't find any.

Abbott:

Right face!

Come on. Left face.

Turn with the rest of 'em.

The guy hit me!

Turn with the rest of 'em.

Pick it up.

Right face!

Abbott:
Oh, come on, left face.

Pick up the gun.

Use your shoulder.

Turn with the rest of 'em.

Left shoulder arms!

Right shoulder arms!

Costello:

Why don't you make up your mind?

Abbott:

Quiet! Do as you're told!

Present arms!

Whaa!

Costello:

I'm a bad boy!

Narrator:
It will be tough

sledding again for these Yanks.

But the men who smashed

into Salerno from the sea

will take

their next objective, too,

whatever it may be...

from Naples to Berlin.

Anzio, Bataan...

Saint Lo, Iwo Jima.

Places they have never heard of,

known, nor cared about.

They went there

and they died there.

And now they are home,

wrapped in

their country's flag

and cloaked in

their eternal greatness.

Names.

Yes, Polish and Irish

and Jewish and English names

hallow this ground,

names that make up the great

America they died for.

A terrible cost,

but less, tragically less

than what we must pay

for final victory.

"Time" Magazine estimates

the casualty rates

for a full-scale invasion

would be 68%.

68% of us will be either

killed or wounded.

No sh*t. So out of the group sitting here,

how much is that?

The six of us here,

about 4.3 of us would get it.

Wow, only 2.7 of us

would live.

1.7, jerko.

Listen, if you knew

you were

one of the guys

who wasn't coming back,

if you knew that

right now,

what would you do with the

last few days of your life?

It could be anything you want,

any fantasy.

I give everybody five

seconds to think about it.

I thought of it... I'd be

one of the 1.7 coming back.

That's morbid.

I liked it, let's

play for money.

For money? Five bucks a man,

the guy with the best fantasy wins.

That's nuts.

Okay, all right, I'm in.

Okay. We need a judge.

I'll be the judge.

Why you?

Because I thought of the game.

When it's my turn,

somebody else judges me.

Ante up, everybody.

Come on, Arnold,

five bucks.

I don't sell

my fantasies.

Don't be like that, Arnold.

Okay, Carney,

you're first.

You're gonna be dead,

killed in action.

What do you want to do with the

last few days of your life?

How much time

do I have to do it in?

A week.

I need 10 days.

It's my game...

you only get a week.

What are you gonna

do with it, Donny?

Okay.

I'd sing

at Radio City Music Hall.

Five shows a day, my own spot.

In the audience are 5,000

screamin' gorgeous girls

and every one of 'em

wants me.

And there's one man,

the president of Decca Records

and he wants to give me

a big contract,

and I have to make

a choice.

Take the record contract.

I would take the record contract.

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