Biloxi Blues Page #4

Right, right,

I'd take the record contract.

Ha! Moron!

He could've humped 5,000 girls

and now he's got a record

contract that ain't worth sh*t!

Wrong.

Because now I'm a big star and everyone knows

that stars get all the girls they want.

Oh yeah? How?

You're dead!

Girls don't go out

with dead record stars!

Bullshit, it's my fantasy.

I can do whatever I want with it!

What's my score, Gene?

Well, you started off with an A-minus,

but you ended up with a B.

B. That's better than

I ever did in school.

Selridge is next.

Okay, okay, here we go.

I make it with seven of the

richest women in the world.

And I'm so hot,

each one of 'em gives me a million bucks.

So, at the end of the week,

I got seven million bucks.

Pretty good, huh?

If you're dead,

what are you gonna do with $7 million?

I told you,

that's why I need 10 days.

I need to take a long weekend

and spend the money.

Give up, suckers,

I got you all beat.

Moronic.

It's beyond moronic... it's sub-moronic.

Yeah. Go ahead, Jerome,

break their hearts and tell 'em my score.

It lacks poetry.

I give Selridge a B-minus.

B-minus? You give

me a B-minus?

This creep becomes a dead

record star and he gets a B.

I want my money back.

Hey, touch that money

and you're dead.

I was kiddin'.

You think I was serious?

I was kiddin'.

Who's next?

Hennessey.

Me?

No, I'm not ready yet.

Eugene:

It's your turn.

I'm not very good

at things like this.

Come on, just say it.

No, I can't think

of anything.

He can't think of anything,

so he's out.

Tough sh*t.

Give him an F. Who's next?

No, no, okay, okay.

I'd spend it

with my family.

Oh, is this guy serious?

Selridge:
What an a**hole.

I'd spend it with my family.

Come on, it's my last week,

I can do whatever I want.

And I'd...

yeah, I'd like it to be with my family.

Okay, Jerome,

what do you give him for that crap?

Well, it's not that interesting,

but at least it's honest.

B-plus.

Wykowski:
Wow.

Okay, that's it, this game is fixed.

I'm callin'

the military police.

I get a B-minus for screwin'

seven millionairesses

and he gets a B-plus

for going home to his mother?

I want to change my answer. I want to

visit sick children in the hospital.

Will you knock it off,

Selridge?

You had your turn.

Toomey:

See you in the morning.

As you were.

Lights out

in five minutes, boys.

Better get your rest.

You never know what surprise

is coming up tomorrow.

Okay, Wykowski,

you're next.

Okay.

I always wanted to make it

with a world-famous woman,

somebody that nobody could

have in this country but me,

and be the only American

to have her.

Have you

someone in mind?

Yeah, I got someone

in mind.

I think we're

heading for an A-plus.

Who's the woman, Wykowski?

The Queen of England.

Boom!

The Queen of England?

Ohh!

That is disgusting, that's like

making it with your own grandmother.

For a whole week?

Maybe we stop for

tea and crumpets.

Apes and gorillas,

I'm living with apes and gorillas.

Come on, what's his score?

Give him his score.

Yeah, give the

Earl of Meatloaf his score.

This is a tough one.

I find it completely

unredeeming in every way...

morally, ethically

and sexually.

But it's got style.

A-minus.

Ohhh!

A-minus?

You're sick, Jerome.

You give the highest score

to the guy who humps

the mother

of the British empire?

So, I'm winnin', right?

Not yet, there's

two more to go.

Epstein's next. I want to hear what

his last week on earth would be like.

Probably wants to take an

English exam at city college.

Hurry up,

they're blowin' retreat.

Come on, Arnold,

it's your last week on earth.

What's your secret desire?

I don't want to say it.

If I say it,

it might not come true.

I know, I know...

he wants to pass gas.

He wants to bend over

and blow up the whole world.

Will you give him a chance.

He has one.

What is it, Arnold?

Eugene:
What's the last thing

you want to do on this earth?

I would like to make

Sergeant Merwin J. Toomey...

do 200 push-ups

in front of this platoon.

That's good.

I hate to admit it,

but it's good.

It's all right.

500 would have been better.

I think it's terrific.

A-plus.

Oooh! A-plus?

You're crazy... now you can't win.

I could still tie him.

But if it's a tie,

all bets are off, nobody wins.

Fair enough.

Somebody else has to judge me.

Wykowski, pick a judge.

Okay, sure.

I pick Selridge.

I love it.

No matter what crap he says,

he gets an A-plus.

Your money is safe, boys.

Retreat means

lights out, goddamn it!

I never had men

do push-ups in bed before.

I could start tonight.

Come on, Jerome,

let's hear yours.

All right.

Okay.

I always wanted

to get mine

by wiping out an entire

battalion of Japanese marines.

Wykowski:
Forget the medals.

What do you do with your last week on earth?

I would lose my virginity,

win the Pulitzer Prize

for Literature...

and fall in love

with the perfect girl.

Carney:
Why don't you score

the winning touchdown

for Notre Dame

while you're at it?

Give him a score, Roy,

so's we can take our money back.

I give him a C-minus.

What?

Hey, I'm not gonna let him

beat me with that pissy story.

I came up

with something hot.

I'm not giving him an A-plus

for falling in love.

Why doesn't he go home

and visit Hennessey's family?

Jesus, you're a moron!

Go look in the latrine and see

if you dropped your brain!

Come on, Arnold. Arnold, you win.

It's your money.

Wykowski:

Oh, man, it never fails.

It's always the Jews who end

up with the money, right, Roy?

Selridge:
I don't know,

I never met a Jew before the Army.

Oh, they're easy to spot.

There's one.

There's another one.

They're the ones who slide

the bacon under their toast

so no one sees them eat it,

right, Jerome?

I'm not going to take that Jew

crap from you any more, Wykowski.

I know you could probably

beat the hell out of me,

but I'm not going

to take it anymore.

Sure you will.

You're gonna take any sh*t from me, okay?

Shh.

Let's see how tough you are.

Because I'm gonna...

Cut it out, Wykowski.

What difference does it make

what religion he is?

I didn't start it... Epstein's the one

who's too good to take orders, isn't he?

Hey, if he doesn't shape up, I'll bust his

face whether he's got a Jew nose or not!

Toomey:

Ten-hut!

What the hell's going on here?

Hennessey:
Nothing, Sergeant.

What do you mean "nothing,"

Hennessey?

I heard threats,

challenges,

invitation to bust the noses

of minority races.

Hmm.

You still tellin' me

nothing's going on here?

Yes, sir.

I see.

Pinelli, Sweeney...

Davis, Polaski...

Woolridge,

hit the floor.

Give me 100 push-ups.

If I can't discipline

these boys here,

maybe the rest of you can.

Count off!

Men on ground:

One,two...

three, four, five...

six, seven, eight...

...nine, 10...

Man #1:
Sh*t!

11, 12...

Man #2:
Wykowski!

13, 14, 15...

Man #3:
Son of a b*tch!

16, 17...

Man #4:
Goddamn it!

18, 19, 20, 21...

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