Birdman Page #4

MIKE(Exploding.)

"Yeah! Alright? The kind of love I'm

talking about is absolute. The kind of love

I'm talking about you--

(A painful memory.)

Well, you don't try to kill people.

Riggan stands silently, his heart pounding.

MIKE (CONT’D)

So what do you think, boss? Do I have a

job?

Riggan calls over to the wings.

RIGGANWhat do you think?

Mike turns to see Sam, who has been there for a bit.

SAMLarry needs to see him for a fitting.

MIKEI'm gonna take that as a yes.

(Walking to Sam.)

And you are...?

RIGGANThat's my daughter, Sam.

MIKERight. Yeah. I can see it around the... (A

beat) She doesn't look anything like you.

(To Sam.)

And your job is...?

RIGGANShe's my assistant.

MIKEYour assistant...

(To Sam.)

And can you speak?

SAMYup. I can even 'sit', 'stay' or 'roll

over' if you have any treats.

RIGGANWelcome aboard, Mike.

10/29/14 / 21.

(CONTINUED)

MIKE(Mock saluting.)

Thank you, Captain.

We follow Mike and Sam off as they...

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS88...advance through the hallways.

MIKEI'm Mike Shiner, by the way.

SAMI know who you are.

(Reluctantly honest.)

I saw you in 'Hothouse' at the Geffen. It

was... great.

MIKEThat ass is great.

She turns her head toward him with a disgusted expression.

SAMDude. Seriously?

Moving by her, into a dressing room.

MIKEThis is the theatre, honey. Don’t be so

self-conscious.

She follows him into the room where we see...

INT. COSTUME DEPARTMENT - THEATER - CONTINUOUS99...Larry stressing out while he works on a costume. He turns

to see Mike standing there. Sam stands against the wall,

focused on her cell phone.

LARRYOh, thank the Lord and pass the

biscuits! I finally have an actor to

dress. Hello, Mr. Shiner.

MIKEHow're you doing, Larry?

LARRYBetter, now that you're here. Take off your

clothes.

10/29/14 / 22.

(CONTINUED)

Mike takes off his shirt and hands it to Sam. She doesn't budge,

and it hits the floor. He begins to unbutton his pants...

MIKEYou gonna stand there?

SAM(Glancing at her cell.)

This is the theatre, honey. Don’t be so

self-conscious.

Larry searches for a few costume pieces.

LARRYOkay. I'm gonna have to start from

scratch, with less than twenty-four

hours... Let's see if these--

He turns to see a completely naked Mike.

LARRY (CONT'D)

Holy-- What is happening? Where are

your underpants?

MIKEAt home, under the bed, I think.

Sam glances at Mike for a second, then returns to her phone.

Larry begins to help Mike into some pants which, given the

situation, is very awkward.

LARRYOkay. Everything is too small.

SAMYeah, you're not kidding.

Lesley enters the room immediately coming face to face with a

naked Mike. She doesn't notice Sam who is partially hidden by a

clothes rack. She just goes about trying a costume shirt.

LESLEYOh, that's nice...

(To Larry.)

Forgive him, Larry. Mike's like my five

year old son. Neither one of them has

clean underwear...

LARRYOr pubic hair, I imagine.

(Folding the pants.)

Okay, well, I can take out the suit but

we're going to need some new pants and

shirts.

10/29/14 / 23.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

(Looking back.)

And underwear...

Mike just stands there naked, staring at his penis in the

mirror.

LESLEY(To Larry.)

This is too small.

(To Mike.)

What the hell are you doing?

MIKEWaiting for Larry to finish.

LARRYI'm finished.

Larry disappears deeper into the costume room.

MIKEOkay, well, then I'm just standing here

with my balls out.

LESLEYGet dressed. Riggan's daughter is hanging

around, and I don't need her to walk in

here and--

MIKELeslie...

LESLEYNo, Mike. You haven’t seen her. She’s

always hanging around, just-- I don’t--

Watching everyone. It’s creepy. It’s--

MIKELes...

LESLEYI don’t know if the drugs fried her

brain or what, but I don't need her

running to her father saying you showed

her your junk.

MIKEOkay, then we should probably get her out

of here.

Lesley's expression goes blank.

LESLEYOh, God. Really?

10/29/14 / 24.

LARRY (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)

MIKEHey, Sammy...

SAMIt's Sam.

LESLEYFuck.

Sam steps forward.

LESLEY (CONT'D)

(To Sam.)

I didn't mean--

SAM(Totally relaxed.)

It's cool. He's a handful, huh?

They both look back at Mike.

LESLEYAlmost.

Sam smiles at her and exits. Lesley wheels on Mike.

LESLEY (CONT’D)

Jesus... How is it you always manage to find

a new way to humiliate me?

MIKETo be fair, you make it really easy.

LESLEYWhat the hell was she doing here?

MIKEShe brought me.

LESLEYAnd stayed???

MIKEI know, right? She's a little--

LESLEYLook at me, Mike. This is Broadway. I'm

here. Finally. And I'm begging you, if you

love me, please, do me a favor... don't

f*** it up.

MIKE(Gently.)

Come here.

10/29/14 / 25.

(CONTINUED)

Lesley moves toward Mike. He cups her face in his hands

tenderly. They are face to face.

MIKE (CONT’D)

Play with my balls...

She twists his nipples hard and walks out.

MIKE (CONT’D)

I won't f*** it up... Probably!

Larry reappears holding some clothes. We follow him out...

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS1010...through the hallway. He walks by Jake and Riggan who are mid

conversation. We stay with them.

RIGGAN (O.S.)

I don’t care, sign it.

JAKE (O.S.)

Listen to me.

RIGGAN (O.S.)

No you listen to me--

JAKE (O.S.)

I can’t afford to listen to you...

LARRYI’m gonna need to go shopping

again.

JAKEFucking sew something, you old

f***!

RIGGANI don't care. Give him what he

wants.

JAKEHis agent is asking for almost four

times what we were paying--

RIGGANThen go into the reserve.

JAKE:

The reserve is gone. You spent it

on the fog. And those fake trees...

10/29/14 / 26.

(CONTINUED)

RIGGANIt’s a dream sequence, it--

JAKEAnd three union midgets that dance

around like--

RIGGANYou’re not supposed to call them

midgets--

JAKEThe reserve is gone!

RIGGANListen to me, you didn't see what I

just saw. But you will, at the preview

tomorrow. Look, get the contract done.

I'll get the money.

Riggan begins marching toward the stage.

JAKE(Calling after him.)

When???

Laura comes down some stairs and chases Riggan.

LAURA(Incredulous.)

Hey, is it true? Shiner?

RIGGANHe's in.

LAURAHoly sh*t! When can I meet him?

RIGGANHe's in a fitting with Larry.

Lesley comes down the hallway.

LESLEYI’m going to Starbucks. You guys

want anything?

RIGGANI’m fine. How’s Mike?

LESLEYDid you talk to your daughter?

RIGGANNo.

10/29/14 / 27.

(CONTINUED)

LESLEYHe’s great.

LAURA(To Lesley. Matter-of-

factly.)

Honey, your tits look like f***ing

anjou pears in that top!

LESLEY(Uncomfortable.)

Okay, well I'm gonna-- Thank you.

She walks away.

LAURAAnd that ass. Like two eggs in a hanky!

A10A10Riggan walks, Laura follows him.

LAURAOkay, I was going to tell you this over

dinner, but everything-- I have some news

too.

RIGGANGood or bad? Cause right now--

A technician walks by.

LAURA(Whispering.)

I missed my last two periods.

(Beat.)

I think it's happening this time.

Riggan stops. Silent. A beat.

LAURA (CONT'D)

Is that good or bad?

(He stares at her.)

Riggan...?

RIGGANIt's good. It's great.

She smiles, her eyes filled with emotion. Riggan smiles back,

and nods absently.

LAURASay something else...

10/29/14 / 28.

(CONTINUED)

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